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“It might,” she says softly. “He’s preconditioned to fear history repeating itself.”
“But what are the odds of that?”
“Astronomically high in your favor, but you can’t tell him that when he’s learned how brutal life can be.”
“Haven’t we all learned that?”
“I don’t like to compare one person’s grief to another, but I’m not sure I could’ve survived losing Wes and my kids, too. His loss was massive compared to mine—and yours.”
“I know,” I say with a sigh. “And I agree, but we were making a go of this. We just went on vacation like a little family in the making. I visited his late wife’s parents and loved every minute of it. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“It counts for nothing when stacked against his fear of it happening again.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Give him the space he asked for. That’s all you can do. If he comes back to you and the kids, it must be his choice.”
“I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation. Everything between us was perfect until last night.”
“You had to expect there’d be some difficulties along the way.”
“Absolutely, but I also expected we’d get through them together.”
“It’s important to manage your expectations where he’s concerned. He was adamant that he’d never again be with anyone. He preferred that plan to having to worry about losing someone else he loved. You’re the exception to his rule. You’re still the exception.”
“Not if I have breast cancer.”
“Don’t even say that.”
“Why not? It’s possible. I mean, anything is possible. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow when I’m out getting my mail. Living in fear of whatmighthappen is no way to live.”
“I agree, but that doesn’t stop us from being afraid. I want to ask every man I date whether he’s had a full cardiac workup recently, but I can’t exactly do that without them thinking there’s something wrong with me.”
That makes me laugh for the first time all day.
“It’s not easy to come back from what we’ve been through, and it’s not easy to take a second chance on love. I’ve seen you two together, and I’m sure he loves you as much as you love him.”
“So what do I do while he tries to decide if he can handle the possibility of losing me?”
“You wait and you be patient and you show him the same grace you’d want others to show you if you were wrestling with something.”
“How has the lump in my breast become about him?”
“It’s about all of you, isn’t it?”
“Yes, I suppose it is. God, Christy, what am I going to do if this turns out to be cancer?”
“Take it one step at a time. When are you seeing the doctor?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Then just keep breathing until there’s something to worry about. It could be nothing.”
“But what if it’s something? My kids…”
“Breathe, Iris. Are you breathing?”
“I’m trying to, but it’s not easy.”
