AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Have I thought about what it might be like to get naked with her?
Yep. Quite often, in fact, but I sure as hell didn’t expect it to happen the way it did. I’m forty-one years old, long past the days when a naked woman showed up in my bed and played it off as an accident. In fact, that scenario has never happened before tonight.
The sexual part of me is waking up from years of dormancy after losing my love. It reminds me of a limb coming back to life with pins and needles. I haven’t wanted anyone else or given much thought to that part of myself until Iris turned up naked in my bed.
I want her, and not just because she’s a handy naked body.
I feel safe with her. I love her and she loves me. We take care of each other every day in big ways and small.
Kissing her feels right. Touching her soft skin, having her touch me… It’s so good, it makes me feel guilty for wanting someone other than Natasha this much. Everyone in my life has been pushing me for years now to start over with someone new. I’m not sure if Iris is going to be my someone new, but I push past the guilt, determined to make this good for her.
If I stay focused on her, I might be able to get through this without embarrassing myself by breaking down or something equally awful.
I shift us so I’m on top. I kiss her everywhere, making her come twice before it occurs to me that we might need birth control. “I don’t have condoms.”
“It’s okay,” she says, sounding breathless from the second orgasm. “I’m on the pill to keep my periods regular.”
It goes without saying that widows who’ve mostly avoided sex since our losses are clean, so I don’t bother to broach that subject.
As I have sex with a woman for the first time since I lost my wife, I keep my gaze fixed on Iris’s gorgeous face, determined to stay in the present when the past calls to me like a siren. Natasha used to say that life is for the living. That was one of her favorite sayings. I need to believe she meant it and would want me to be happy without her, even if that has seemed impossible at times.
Iris places her hands on my face and kisses me with sweet affection that’s exactly what I need. She gets it. She knows this is a big deal for me. Being with her makes it easier than it would’ve been with anyone else.
I go slow and try not to let this be over before it begins, but control is in short supply when Iris wraps her legs around my hips and moves with me like we’ve been lovers for longer than ten minutes. Her enthusiasm triggers something in me that’s been asleep for years, and I let go of all the worries, fears, sadness, grief and regret.
I give myself permission to take everything she has to give and to fully enjoy it.
2
IRIS
I wake facedown in Gage’s bed, with every muscle in my body on fire with soreness after a night unlike any other.
Four times.
We did itfour times.
He was like a wild man, unleashed and desperate, and I was right there with him every step of the way.
I feel sick with guilt.
I loved my husband with every part of me. We had great sex. But what I had with Gage goes beyond anything I’ve experienced withanyone.
That’s not how it should be.
Mike was the love of my life, the father of my children, the man I wanted to be with forever. I refuse to compare him or our relationship with anyone else. There is no comparison.
I hear a baby crying and wonder how Roni’s first night sleeping with Derek went after they got engaged.
And I wonder where Gage has gone or if his world is as rocked by what transpired overnight as mine is.
I get out of bed and wince. Everything hurts. Christ have mercy, the man was relentless.
“Be careful what you wish for, girlfriend,” I mutter as I turn the shower in our shared bathroom to the hottest setting. While I wait for the water to heat up, I notice Gage’s toothbrush and razor on the sink next to a bag with other items, which makes me realize how long it’s been since I shared a bathroom with a man.
Since I shared much of anything with a man.
Judging by the burn between my legs and the aching muscles in every part of my body, I’m desperately out of shape in the sex department despite daily yoga.
