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Skittles watched him flap around like a green tornado before looking at me and squeaking.
“It’s okay. Give it a try.”
For a moment, I thought she would. I wanted her to soar into the sky and swoop around the island because that would mean another invalid of Drake’s evil had healed. Cal was better, Jess was better, everyone was better apart from Sully.
But Skittles hopped to my hand and scrambled her way up my arm using her talons and beak.
I sighed as she settled into her place on my shoulder and chattered nonsense into my ear.
“Not today, huh?”
She squeaked again, and I balled my hands.
The anger I felt toward Sully hadn’t left. The fear I felt had become a mutant, polluting my entire body with a crawling, cloying madness.
I didn’t want to be angry.
This wasn’t his fault.
None of this was his fault.
But I couldn’t stop the taunting voice inside my mind.
He didn’t choose you.
He’s not going to wake up.
He’s gone.
My rage turned into a dagger.
I was either going to destroy this bathroom or destroy myself.
Dropping the scissors, I backed away from the mirror showing an unhinged, heartbroken girl with wild eyes.
I need to go.
I need to breathe…just for a little while.
* * * * *
Skittles sat on the throttle of Singa Laut.
I’d told Cal I was borrowing Sully’s speedboat, Sea Lion, and he’d followed me to the wharf to show me how to operate the craft. After his lesson and stern warnings not to be too long or go too far, I glowered at him until he’d left.
I was hanging on by a thread, and company would only cut me loose and not in a good way.
I was so black inside I didn’t even appreciate the colossal differences in my life since arriving in Goddess Isles. Previously, this had been my prison cell. Now, I’d inherited every parrot and property. I was free to go where I wanted. Free to use Sully’s toys and call them my own.
However, I’d gladly go back to being imprisoned if it meant Sully would open his damn eyes.
Stop thinking.
Just go.
Pika flew beside me as I added speed and learned how to navigate a rudder instead of a car. Not that I’d driven in a long time, what with travelling and then kidnapping, but it was nice to be in control of something, even if I couldn’t be in control of Sully’s decision to wake up.
It took longer to cut across the turquoise sea and skim over peach coral reefs than when Sully had captained us, but I found some resemblance of peace.
Another banded sea snake slithered through the wake. A pod of dolphins out to sea sprayed water, transforming droplets into blinking rainbows. Jewelled fish darted beneath the hull, and the sun massaged my tense shoulders with thermal fingers.
This was still utopia…even if the devil in its midst was dying.
Damn you, Sully.
I love you dammit! You can’t die!
The urge to turn the boat around and hammer on his chest until he woke up was crippling.
Breathe, Ellie.
Just…breathe.
Pika did an air roll, and Skittles twittered in a sweet song. They kept me grounded. They helped commandeer my worry, and I did my best to appreciate everything I had. There was so much to be grateful for. So much to live for.
I forced myself to inhale properly and not the ragged sips of the past few weeks. I drank in air and leaned my head back, letting the sun colour me and soothe some of my heartaches.
Can you feel me, Sully?
I’m still here.
I’ll wait for however long you need.
Pika landed beside Skittles just as I pulled into the small bay of Lebah.
I tied the boat like Cal showed me, adding an extra knot to be sure it stayed secured, then stepped onto Sully’s garden grove.
The atmosphere was different here.
His main island no longer held prisoners or greedy guests and had turned into a reflective, peaceful paradise, but this island…it burst at the seams with life.
Determination from freshly planted seeds to break through the soil. Aspiration from seedlings to sweep as high as they could toward the sky. And the bounty of fruits and vegetables as they transformed sunlight into nutrition that kept so many things breathing.
This was what I needed.
To see life in progress.
To witness the stubbornness of existence and inhale fresh oxygen from their leaves.
I strolled through the orchards and helped myself to sun-warmed berries. I collapsed beneath a hazelnut tree and watched Pika attack a nut while Skittles practiced flapping her newly knitted wing.
I stayed on Lebah until the enraged helplessness loosened its net of despair and dismay around my heart, just a little.
Skittles took her first flight from the almond grove to the berry greenhouse, and I once again focused on being grateful instead of fixating on what I’d lost.
Sully…
Please, I need you.
I’m not ready to say goodbye.
