“Put your legs on my shoulders now.” I do as he says, feeling completely exposed while he’s fully clothed.
His head meets my center, and the first lick to my seam has me shouting to the heavens.
“Jared! Oh shit, don’t stop!” I whimper, and he does stop looking up at me.
“Are you going to leave me, Erica?” He is not going to pleasure me if I say yes.
“No, I’m not,” I whisper, and he grunts. Devouring me like I’m his dessert. Every lick, suck, pull, is pushing me over the edge. When he enters two fingers, all rational thoughts are out the window when I let go and my head spins into a beautiful euphoric state.
“You taste so fucking good. Come here,” he growls, and tosses me onto our bed.
He flips me over to my stomach and plunges deep inside me. My voice is foreign to me as he takes what’s his.
“Mine,” he grunts over and over again.
“Yes!” I shout, loving how he’s taking me and claiming me as his.
He slams over and over into me, and I feel he’s close. He leans down, grabs each breast and pulls my nipples, and we both let go together. I’m left feeling sated and wanted, like I always do when I’m with this man.
The next morning is like any other morning, only I’m feeling bad about Tony. I should have never put him in that situation, when I know he’s only trying to re-build a relationship with his brother. I will make time today to reach out to him and apologize.
I may not be pregnant, but I sure as hell don’t feel like myself. Maybe it’s the stress of the unknown?
Tonight there is a party at the bar.
These parties that the guys have always leave me feeling anxious. I think all the time how another woman may be able to handle this lifestyle better than I can. I hate to think that Jared will wake up and realize that same thing. There have been many times I’ve had to intervene in relation to a woman trying to steal my man, and it’s tiring.
I’m feeling insecure and confused lately. I need more than this life can give, but I can’t live without Jared. He is the reason I’m still here, in all honesty.
The day flew by and I’m getting ready to meet Jared at the bar. He had some business to attend to, so he asked Sean and Shannon to pick me up. They have been together for years now, and I love having them around.
I’m wearing tight fitted jeans and a tight black tank top with the words ‘Mind your business’ on display. My hair is in soft waves and I have minimal makeup on, just the way my man likes me.
“Hey, chica! How are you, girl?” Shannon hops out of the car to greet me. I hug her and take in her happiness for a moment.
“Hey, Sean, thanks for picking me up.”
“No problem. The party is in full swing already.” He laughs and grabs his girlfriend’s hand, and I smile. I’m genuinely so happy for them. They have been through so much together.
We have a light conversation on the way. When we pull up I rush inside, looking forward to seeing Jared because it’s been all day since I’ve seen him.
“I’ll meet you guys later.” I head to the back of the bar. Girls are grinding on men and each other, and it’s so loud in here. I come to a stop when I hear his voice. He must be talking to Grady.
“I just hate leaving her right now. You don’t understand. She’s tired of this life and wants more, and I need to give that to her,” Jared says, and my stomach drops to my toes. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but I can’t help it.
“Prez, you can’t just quit. This isn’t something you just walk away from. This is brotherhood, and I shouldn’t even have to tell you that.”
“Fuck, man, you don’t think I know that? I just want both, but she’s very persistent about walking away.” Jared sighs, and my stomach bottoms out.
“She either has to accept you for who you are, or you need to get rid of her and move on. I love her, she’s a great girl, but maybe she’s not meant for this life.” Grady’s voice echoes in my ears, and just hearing what he thinks has my heart pounding and my ears ringing.
What’s worse is there is no response from Jared. I peek inside and choose to make myself known. Jared is contemplating what Grady just said. He didn’t even flinch at his words.
Grady’s eyes widen when he sees me in the doorway and Jared’s head spins fast towards me.
“Erica.” I hold my hand up to stop him and walk towards Grady. I place my palms on his chair and lean in so he can hear me.
“Listen, you have no right to judge me and what I want or need. What you’re doing is illegal and dangerous. So what if I want better for him?” I wave my hand towards Jared.