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August’s eyebrows shot up, as if unexpectedly impressed, and Julian left the barn. He found Natalie and Hallie leaning up against the side of his rental where he’d parked it along the main road. Hallie was making Natalie laugh, but he still spied a fair amount of tension bracketing his sister’s mouth.
“Hey . . .” Hallie rubbed his sister’s shoulder and came toward him, tightening everything south of his chin. God, she was beautiful. “You should go take care of your sister. Anyway, I’ve never left the dogs overnight. I’m not sure if it would be a popular move.”
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“What?”
“When you spend nights at my house, you’ll have to bring them, won’t you?”
She peered up at him. “Worth it?”
“Bring a whole circus, Hallie.”
Even after everything they’d done tonight, a breathless sort of surprise danced across her features. “It wouldn’t be that far off.” Worry cut through the surprise, but she tried to hide it with a smile. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“Yes.”
That’s what he said. And he damn well meant it. Because he was ready for Hallie in his life. In fact, her being there felt long past due. If there was a whisper of self-doubt lingering, drifting to the present from that night four years ago, he was more than willing to ignore it in favor of kissing his girlfriend good night.
Chapter Nineteen
Hallie stood in the moonlight reading through her final secret admirer letter.
And, yes, this would definitely be the last one. She was coming clean.
After the wine tasting, she’d gone straight home and confessed everything to a piece of lined notebook paper and walked right back out the door with it, refusing to give herself a chance to back out. But God, did her actions sound stupid in black-and-white.
Dear Julian,
This is Hallie. I’m the one who has been writing you the letters. You’re welcome to hire a handwriting analysis expert, but I think once you’ve read through the full contents, you’ll agree no sane person would own up to something so completely asinine unless it was true.
I had a massive crush on you in high school. Like, planning weddings in homeroom massive. Meeting you as an adult, it seemed obvious that I’d imagined the spark between us. Or that we’d grown too far in opposite directions to ever meet in the middle. Now I realize that love between adults means embracing flaws as well as the sparkly stuff.
You are a river that flows in one direction. There is some turbulence under the surface, but your current keeps you moving, positive you’re going the right way. Meanwhile I’m a swirling eddy, unable to choose a course. But whirlpools have a surface, too. They have an underneath. I just wanted to expose it to you and see if we could relate. I wanted to relate to you, because everything I said in those letters was true. I do admire you. I always have. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re thoughtful and heroic and fair. The kind of person who wants to be better and sees their own faults is someone I want to spend time with. They’ll complement mine if we want it bad enough.
I’m sorry I lied to you. I hope I haven’t ruined everything, because while I thought I was in love with high school Julian, I didn’t know him. I know the man, though. And now I understand the difference between love and infatuation. I’ve felt both for you, fifteen years apart. Please forgive me. I’m trying to change.
Hallie
That last line had been erased and rewritten several times. Something about that vow didn’t sit quite right with Hallie. She was trying to make decisions with more confidence and to take a moment to think before making potentially disastrous ones. She’d even sat down and started a color-coded diagram of her plans for the library garden this morning. But there would always be an element of chaos inside of her. It had been there since she could remember, and even her grandmother hadn’t been able to contain it. Not entirely.
Did she want to change for a man?
Nope.
Except he’d already started to change for her.
It’s come to my attention that I am far more wrong for you than the other way around, Hallie. You’re nothing short of breathtaking. Unique and beautiful and bold. And I’m a goddamn idiot if I ever made you feel otherwise.
Let me learn.
Did it qualify as changing for a man if the man was rearranging himself at the same time? Or was that simply the nature of compromise?
There was only one way to find out, and that was . . . trying. Giving their relationship a chance, up close and personal. No more hiding behind letters. No more hiding, period. They were vulnerable around each other. Had been since the beginning. And that was scary for people like them, but there was also a breath of possibility whispering in her ear, telling her that complete vulnerability could be glorious. It could be totally right. With Julian.
