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"Lex, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, anything," I said, leaning against the bar.
"How do you do it? The whole no strings thing?" She held my stare, even though I wanted to hide from her perceptive gaze.
I licked my lips as I tried to find words that weren't a lie. "Sam, you know that there is truly no such thing as no strings, right? Feelings are a part of life, and if you are with the same person more than once, they get involved in the process. They might not be potent feelings or they may be feelings of friendship, but they exist, even for me."
She seemed to straighten as I spoke. Something sparked in the depths of her eyes. "What do you really feel for me?"
It was now or never. I swallowed hard and then took a drink of the soda, wishing it was my whiskey I left next to my bed.Just spit it out. "Sam, I—I, of course, I love you."
Her eyes went wide, and she blinked at me as if she was trying to clear her vision. "You what?" She pushed against the dark cherry surface, her hands flat as she slid off the stool.
"I love you," I repeated, stronger the second time I allowed it to leave my lips.
Doubt pinched her forehead in the middle as she stared at me. She shook her head wordlessly. "Lex, you don't mean that. You love me, but maybe like a friend?" Uncertainty tinged her words.
I could walk them back, and she would never know, or I could leave them hanging between us. "Not like a friend," I whispered, dropping my eyes to my hand circling the soda I couldn't seem to release. "If you don't feel the same, it is okay. I didn't tell you to pressure you into something. Everything can stay the same."
"Nothing is the same," she said. A stab of pain sliced through me stealing my breath from my lungs. I had handed her my heart on a silver platter, and she had flayed it alive and handed it right back. "How could it be?"
I hurried around the counter. I had to stop this disaster before it got to its destination. "It is the same, because I've always loved you." My fingers enveloped hers and she let me hold her. Her lashes shielded her eyes as she focused on our intertwined hands.
"Lex," she said, lifting her sparkling eyes to mine. I could see the small tear at the corner of her eye that hadn't slipped down her face yet. "I don't do relationships."
"I'm not asking for one. It can stay the same. Use me. Flirt with me.Talkto me. Just don't leave."
"Using you isn't what I thought we were doing, I thought it was mutual," she said, hesitant again.
"It was, is mutual."
She laughed, a dry sound that held little humor. "I don't want you to get hurt. If I die, I don't want it to hurt anyone."
"Death is a part of life, sweetheart. Everyone does it. Don't hold me at arm's length because you are afraid of my feelings. It would hurt more to not have you in my life and lose out on stuff when you are still breathing." I cupped her face between my hands and brushed away the tear as it fell. "Sam, I do love you, but I have loved you in every single touch and word since you first walked into my club and destroyed everything I thought I knew about life."
She pressed her hands over mine. "This is a lot to take in."
"I know." I knew, but she wasn't running from the building screaming, so maybe she felt something too. Hope was taking root inside of me, and I wanted to pull her to me and hold her. Not sex. But intimacy. So I gave in and did it. She curled into my arms, as if she belonged there. "You can't lose me," I whispered into her hair. Because I was understanding her, it wasn't that she didn't want a relationship, she didn't want to hurt anyone. But this girl in my arms had so many people head over heels in love with her it wouldn't surprise me if Bellamy had fallen, too.
She let me hold her, long enough for the sodas to be watered down from the ice, and long enough for the sun to rise and peek through the top windows in the club. I stepped back, trailing my fingers down her arm to her hand, and then tugged her to my room. I would hold her while we slept. When she let me pull her to my room, I knew she was okay with this. She shimmied out of her leather pants and top before dragging one of my shirts over her head and climbing into the bed with me. I tucked her into my side, and she sighed in happiness not long before she relaxed fully into sleep against me.
I lay there, running my fingers along her arm as I stared at the ceiling. If she allowed the hope to grow, maybe we had a future. It was in her hands now.
CHAPTER 30
Samantha
My life was a rollercoaster.
How did Brook juggle so many guys? Sure, they were brothers, and they seemed fine with the sharing aspect. So slightly different from my situation. With my heart involved and at least two other hearts involved, I was playing with fire. And I couldn't stop.
Instead, I snuggled deeper into Lex's arms. I had slept the day away in his bed. He snored softly, each breath slightly ruffling my hair. He loved me. It filled me with warmth. The ache that held me hostage around him had eased with his words, even though every single instinct I had wanted me to run. I had stayed. Maybe this would work. A relationship. Of course, we would have to have more talks, because exclusive might not be for me, especially with how divided I was in my affection. He seemed open to it.
I ran my leg over his beneath the blanket. The slight tickle of the hair on his leg sent other ideas into my head. My fingers drew a line down his chest to his waistband. I toyed with the idea of waking him up with my lips wrapped around him, but held myself back. I wasn't sure we were at that level of consent yet,so I backed off my hand and flattened my palm against his lower stomach. My bladder decided at that moment that it needed relief, so I shifted slowly away from his warmth so I didn't wake him and padded on bare feet to the bathroom.
After emptying my bladder, washing my hands, and brushing my teeth with my finger, I walked back into the bedroom. The light cast over the bed made him look more like a Scottish angel than half God. He propped his head on his arm, folded against his pillow, and his eyes lit up as he caught sight of me. He rested his other hand on his bare stomach. The blanket covered the rest of his body.
"I thought you left," he murmured in a voice thick with sleep.
