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“I don’t have it in me to do that, Halo. I just don’t. There’s no other way to explain it. I don’t have it in me. You’re every fucking thing I need and I’m cool where the fuck I’m at. You got me, baby. I’m all yours.On my mother.”
Because her death was so fresh, he rarely talked about her. Even when I tried, he’d quickly shut it down. He wasn’t ready and I understood. When he was, I’d be ready to talk to him.
“I love you.”
“Immensely,” he responded with a smile, melting my heart and my insides.
“I want to be better for you. I can be better for you… to you. I’ve been going over everything in my head and my selfishness has stuck out like a sore thumb. I want to start on a clean slate, tonight. And, I want to begin by telling you that I’m so—.” I halted when I heard his voice.
“You have so much learning to do about Halo. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control or know how to navigate. This is all new territory for you and for me. I’m not punishing you for the woman the world forced you to become. What type of coward would I be, Halo? Hmm? I’m not worried about none of that shit. Just because an illness isn’t physical, or tangible, doesn’t mean it isn’t an illness.
“Some sick motherfucker infected you for what could’ve been a lifetime, but not with me around. My only concern is improving your mental and emotional health, not blaming you for either of them being the source of your behavior. Let that shit go. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you think you’ve been doing wrong, drop it. You’re doing what you can with what you have and that’ll always be enough for me.”
“Don’t give up on me,” I begged.
“My heart would never let me,” he assured me as he patted his chest.
“God, I’ve missed you so much.”
His brown eyes were my paradise.
“Good, because Daddy’s coming home.”
