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A WEAK MAN
CASH
Without Fear by Dermot Kennedy
Ilean against the wooden fence, looking out at the pasture that spans all the way to the trees that line the edge of Topanga State Park. It reminds me of Payson, where I grew up. Tall oaks and walnut trees span far beyond this property, where the forest meets the ocean. It’s been a long time since I was back home, but my parents don’t live there anymore so there’s nothing to go home to. I’ve lived in L.A. for so long I hardly remember what it was like to live anywhere else. I like being near the ocean, even if I don’t have the time to enjoy it. I never did learn to surf, but for some reason, I think I want to start now.
I look at the house I spent hours hosing down with water to spare it from the fire. It’s not like the clients houses I’m used to going to in this area with their modern white exterior and clinical decor. Those homes look as though no one lives in them, with their perfectly fluffed pillows and furniture that no one is allowed to sit on. This is a real home, the kind that shapes and molds a person.
Sasha is so different than any other woman I’ve known; so different thanonewoman in particular. I thought I put all of that behind me, moved on, but deep down I know that Mia is the reason I’ve always kept my heart guarded. One more crack, and I might never be able to piece myself back together again.
But I’m a weak man.
I lean against the fence and close my eyes, but all I see is Sasha… those full lips, the hollow of her neck, and the feel of her skin against mine. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore, but she felt too good to be wrong. She’s too young for me, but none of that mattered last night. I can blame it on the adrenaline, the gravity of the situation, but I’d be lying to myself. I’ve wanted her since the first time I saw her at the festival, pointing that fucking camera in my face.
I look over at the barn in time to see Sasha appear, one of the horse blankets wrapped around her shoulders. Her blonde hair is mussed, and she’s so fucking gorgeous my heart stops.
She takes my breath away.
I never thought anyone could look sexy wearing muck boots, but she does. She makes me see everything differently.
Standing next to me at the fence, she looks out at the pasture with a pleased expression on her face. We made it through the night, and this place did not succumb to the fire. Her head rests against my shoulder as if it was always meant to be there.
“I thought maybe you left,” she says softly, nuzzling her head against me.
I grip her tighter. “I come with a lot of baggage, Sasha.”
She lifts her head to look at me with a concerned expression on her face.
“You should be with someone your own age,” I sigh.
“Guys my age don’t know what they want,” she says. “Besides-”
I don’t let her finish. “I know, you’re not testing out my last name in your diary.” I mimic an exaggerated air signature. “I’m not twenty anymore, Sasha. I don’t do causal. Fuck, I don’t know even what it’s…”
She silences me with her finger. “I can’t predict the future,” she says. “All I know is when you look at me, I feel like I could catch on fire, and I’m not ready to let that go.”
I pick her up and place her on the fence in front of me. She giggles and opens the blanket to wrap it around me, welcoming me into her bubble. I rest my forehead against her stomach, and she runs her hands through my hair.
“Fuck,” I mutter, realizing she’s wearing only panties and a tank top underneath the blanket. “Why do you have to be so goddamn sexy?” I say, not expecting an answer.
My stomach tightens and I breathe against her skin, already feeling the effects of her. My hands travel up her body and under her shirt to cup her breast.
I don’t want to want her so much, but I can’t help myself. It’s not just her body I want, and that’s what scares me the most.
I want all of her.
“Stop overthinking it,” she leans down and whispers into my hair.
I laugh against her skin, causing goosebumps to pebble. “Get out of my head, baby,” I say to her.
I do as I’m told, turning off my mind and letting my body take over. I press kisses against the soft skin of her belly while holding her hips in place. Her stomach quivers under my touch, and when she sighs, it’s my undoing. My thumb brushes over her panties, and I can already feel the moisture pooling.
Fuck.
At this point, I don’t think I could stay away from her even if I tried. I slide my hands up her thighs, hooking my thumbs under the thin material of her panties, running them over each side of her sex. She smells like hay and peppermint all rolled into one.
I could easily get lost in her. It’s like being in the middle of the ocean, and I have nothing to hold onto but her. I can’t breathe, but she is my air.
