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For some reason, her words floor me. I come apart a little more. “Then why did you run?”
“You scared me. I was frightened.”
“Only frightened?”
“And intrigued.”
The chemistry was real. It wasn’t one-sided. “I wouldn’t have hurt you.”
“You wanted to keep me.”
I can’t argue with that.
“Yan,” she continues, then pauses. “The job with Henderson… I had no way of knowing you were involved. I should’ve trusted my instincts—”
I place a thumb on her lips. “I believe you. It’s in the past. We’re not talking about this again.”
She stands quietly, waiting, but when I don’t say more, she turns on her heel and walks to the bathroom.
I stare after her. A bruise spreads in my chest as I watch her frail shape and tiny form. I can never look at her the same way again. I can only see her like I saw her in Hanna’s room—a woman wronged, a woman I admire and adore. Her innocence only acts as a magnifying glass to highlight my shortcomings and faults.
Forcing my feet to move, I follow her into the shower, where I take her again, bending her over and entering her from behind. I’m gentler this time. The storm has wreaked its havoc. For now.
Afterward, Mina offers to cook, but she’s tired. Tomorrow is a big day. I order pizza, which we eat naked in bed while watching a news broadcast on my laptop. She falls asleep in my arms even before she’s brushed her teeth. Carefully shifting out from under her, I close the laptop and gather the empty pizza box and napkins. When I enter the kitchen, still naked, Ilya is leaning with his elbows on the counter, a bottle of beer in front of him.
He looks me up and down with a grin. “Good night?”
I dump the trash in the can. Our sex life has nothing to do with him. Grabbing a clean towel from the tumble dryer, I wrap it around my waist. “Looks like your night went well.”
“Splendid. Blonde. Legs from here to heaven. I swear she could wrap them twice around my ass.”
I take a beer from the fridge and twist off the cap. “Good for you.”
“What’s eating you?”
“Why would something be eating me?”
He chuckles. “You’re talking to your twin.”
I glance at the closed door of my bedroom.
He follows my gaze. “Trouble in paradise?”
Leaning on the counter and crossing my ankles, I take a sip of my beer. “It’s never been paradise. Hell, maybe.”
“I thought you were happy. Why else would you fight me so hard over Mina?”
“I fucked up.”
He brushes a hand over his head, regarding me with caution. “What did you do?”
“Mina didn’t do it.”
“Do what?”
“The disguises. It was someone else.”
He straightens. “What are you talking about?”
I tell him everything I’ve told Anton. He doesn’t interrupt me as I talk, and to his credit, he doesn’t say I’m the worst asshole alive.
When I’ve finished the grim tale, he comes over and pats me on the shoulder. “It’s settled, then. She didn’t do it. Shouldn’t that make you feel better? I sure as hell feel better.”
“In a fucked-up way, I feel worse. I treated her pretty badly.”
“Apologize. She lied. You couldn’t know.”
“Don’t you see?” I rake a hand through my hair. “I used the betrayal as an excuse for keeping her.”
He shrugs. “Then let her go.”
I slide down to sit on the floor with my back against the cupboard. Swirling the bottle, I digest his words. It’s not as if I haven’t considered it. At least a hundred times since I learned the truth. And every time I think about cutting her loose, I come up against the same wall. “I don’t think I can do it.”
Ilya sits down next to me, his arms on his knees. “Why not?”
“I can’t live without her.” I clasp my head in my hands, the cold bottle pressed against my temple. “I won’t know how to.”
“You love her,” he says in wonder. “Fuck me. I never thought I’d see the day.”
Shaking my head, I lean it back against the cupboard and close my eyes. “I don’t think I’m capable of love.”
“I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
I tear one eye open and peer at my brother.
“You’ve changed,” he continues. “Now that you mention how you feel about Mina, it makes sense.”
“Changed how?”
“You refused to share her.”
I crack the other eye open and give him a hard look, ready to launch into the same tired old battle, but he’s smiling.
“I thought you were pushing me away.” He slams a palm on his forehead. “Meanwhile, you were falling in love.”
“I wasn’t pushing you away. Mina isn’t someone I can share.”
“You see? You do love her.”
“I wouldn’t recognize love if you waved it with a flag labeled LOVE in front of my face. Besides, I don’t think Mina wants my love.”
“Why do you say that?”
