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“It’s a gorgeous photo.” Ayden slips an arm around her waist and pulls her closer, kissing her head. “But only because you’re in it.”
Lyric rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. Maybe we should ask our fans. I’m sure a ton of them would step in and say that my sweet, shy boy makes that photo so beautiful.”
“You’re delusional,” he says in a playful tone.
“You know, sometimes I can be, but not with this.” She hooks her arms around the back of his neck, stands on her tiptoes, and presses her lips to his.
I flee from the living room, knowing they won’t come up for air for a while. That’s the one downfall of sharing a place with them. They’re totally in love, and I’m so happy for them and everything, but with them making out all the time, things can get awkward. I thought after a year of watching their PDA it’d get easier to be around, but it hasn’t. It makes me think too much about the last time a guy showed me affection and how wrong, twisted, and ugly it made me feel inside. I used to tell myself that maybe the feeling was normal, but after being around Ayden and Lyric, Lila and Ethan, and every other loving couple I’ve crossed paths with, I realize it wasn’t.
Nothing about it was normal.
Nothing about me is normal.
I’m all sorts of wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Broken.
Panic strangles me as I reach my room. I shut the door and fumble to lock it before slumping to the ground.
“I’m so messed up.” I hug my knees to my chest. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”
“None of us do.” The girl appears in the middle of my room between the unmade bed and unpacked boxes. “But only some of us can be fixed.”
“Go away,” I whisper. “You’re not real.”
The girl stares at me, scrutinizing me, judging me for what I did.
“Please,” I beg, curling myself into a ball so I can no longer see her.
But I can feel her watching me, haunting me, reminding me that I have blood staining my hands.
Chapter 6
Sage
“We rocked that performance,” I say as I head off stage, tucking my drumsticks into my back pocket. I’m dripping with sweat, and my hands and arms ache, yet I’m more content than I’ve been all week. I always feel pumped up after I perform, no matter how small or large the venue. Right now, we just finished playing a set at Lyric’s dad’s club, which brings in a pretty decently sized crowd. “We need to celebrate. Let’s go out to a club or something and get fucked up.”
“Ayden and I can’t,” Lyric says as she wipes the sweat from her brow. “We’re picking up Sadie tonight and taking her out to dinner to celebrate.”
My elation nosedives. Partying is the only thing I look forward to anymore. Going out, getting wasted and high until my mind is so far gone I can barely grasp all the shittiness going on in my personal life.
I grab a bottle of water from a table backstage and twist off the cap. “Celebrate what?”
Lyric hesitantly glances at Ayden. “Um …”
“Sadie took her GED test today, so we wanted to take her out to dinner,” Ayden tells me, grabbing a can of soda from the beverage table.
While I knew Sadie didn’t graduate high school, the GED comment throws me off since Ayden rarely divulges anything about his sister. I wish he would, though. Sadie fascinates me in a way I can’t explain. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t look at me like most women do, like they want to use me for a one-night stand, release their wild side. Because fucking is all I’m good for, or so I’ve been told.
I take a long swig from the water bottle then lower it from my mouth and wipe my damp lips with my hand. “She took the test, today, huh? Man, I’ve heard that it takes, like, six hours or something. That has to be intense. She’s probably exhausted.”
“She is.” Lyric gathers her long, blonde hair into a messy ponytail and twists an elastic around it. “She’s been studying like crazy and hardly takes any breaks. She seriously might be one of the most motivated people I’ve ever met.”
“She really is.” Ayden pops the tab on the soda, checks the time on his watch, then turns toward Lyric. “We should probably get going. I told her we’d pick her up at about nine.”
Nolan joins our circle with a drink in his hand and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. “What restaurant are you guys going to again? I might meet up with you a little bit later, if things don’t work out with Janey.”
Lyric frowns at him. “I thought after she tried to sleep with the entire band, you were over the whole Janey thing.”
“I was.” Nolan sighs, plucking the cigarette from behind his ear. “But I ran into her last night and she kept apologizing for what happened. One thing led to another …” He digs a lighter out of his pocket and shrugs. “What can I say? I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”
“That you are. But at least you don’t try to deny it.” She turns toward Ayden. “Did we decide if we were going to that fancy restaurant Lila told us about that probably serves food we can’t even pronounce”—she waggles her brows at him—“or that chill one my dad has a connection to that has really amazing food and cool entertainment?”
“I worry about that one. They’ll probably be more people there, and you know how Sadie gets …” Ayden trails off, casting a worried glance at me and Nolan.
I want to tell him to go ahead and finish, because I’m dying to know what he’s going to say, but Lyric talks first.
“We could always just ask her where she wants to go,” she suggests.
“Yeah, but sometimes she acts agreeable just to make everyone happy,” Ayden reminds her.
The two of them go back and forth before finally deciding to ask Sadie where she wants to go. They tell Nolan they’ll text him when they know where they’re going for sure, and then they wave good-bye to me as they head toward the exit.
Jealousy burns in my chest as Ayden slips his fingers through Lyric’s. Not because I’m in love with Lyric, although I once thought I was. But now I’m jealous of their relationship.
There, I admit it. Me, Sage Davis, manwhore of all manwhores, envies Ayden and Lyric’s relationship. I want what they have, but my life right now … it’s so messy and ugly, and the thought of bringing someone into that doesn’t sit well with me.
Neither does this stupid empty feeling I always seem to carry with me; always have carried with me ever since I was a kid and hid in my room when my mom and dad spent hours yelling at each other.
Although, I didn’t feel empty when I was at the hospital this morning. I felt the opposite. I was so full of anger I thought I was going to explode, which is why I need to do something tonight, other than hang out by myself where all I do is think.
My gaze sweeps the backstage area, filled with people I know will hang out and get high with me. Or, I could always go down to the dance floor or the bar and pick some random chick up who will distract me for the night. Add a little pot and booze into the mix, and I’ll be completely numbed from anything and everyone. All the shit going on in my life, it’d be nonexistent.
I used to do that a lot, but lately, screwing around has lost its edge, and I end up lying in the bed alone afterward, thinking way too much about myself, my life, and why I can’t seem to find anything that makes me feel … well, something.
“Hey, Sage!” A curvy redhead waves at me from the bottom of the stairway that leads to the dance floor. “You coming down here or what?”
“Maybe.” I put on a fake smile, racking my brain for her name. Clara? Or is it Kathy? “I might be heading out, actually. I’m still deciding.”
She sulks, crossing her arms over her chest and making her breasts nearly pop out of her tight top. “Oh, come on; you have to come hang out. I need some fun in my life.”
I instantly frown. Fun. I’ve been told I’m fun so many times I’m starting to loathe that word.
I tap my fingers against the side of my legs as I s
tart for the stairs, still unsure what her name is. At the last second, though, I veer right and push out the exit door.
The cool night air feels fucking great on my overheated skin as I jog against the packed parking lot and toward where Lyric usually parks. I catch her and Ayden right before they’re about to climb in.
“So, it’s cool if I go with you guys, right?” I ask, hunching over, a little breathless. Man, I need to cut back on the cigarettes.
Lyric catches Ayden’s gaze from over the roof of the car then elevates her brows.
He gives a shrug, resting his arms on top of the car. “You know we’re not going out and partying, right? We’re just going to grab a bite to eat. We might watch a movie or something, but that’s about it.”
“That’s cool with me.” When the two of them trade another look, I add, “Look, if you don’t want me to go, then that’s fine. My ego can take it. But please stop giving each other those I’m-trying-to-communicate-with-you-through-my-mind looks. It’s fucking creepy.”
“We’re just confused.” Lyric sticks the key into the car door. “You usually want to go out and …” She mulls over something. “Well, get laid.” She pulls open the car door but doesn’t get in. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not sure you can handle just chilling on a Friday night at a restaurant.”
“I used to be like that,” I argue. “But I’ve decided to change, okay?”
“Why?” She eyes me over suspiciously. “Usually, when someone decides to makeover their personality, it’s because something happened. And you have been acting a little strange lately.”
I have been acting strange, and for a good reason. I’m not about to tell her why, though, mostly because I’m not ready to talk about it aloud yet.
“I don’t think you’ve ever wanted to do something as simple as going to a restaurant on a Friday night before,” she continues. “But, if you want to go with us, then we’d totally love for you to come. I just want to stress what we’re doing so you won’t get all depressed when nothing exciting happens.”
