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Suddenly I was way too hot. With a groan, I rolled over and scooted out of bed. I just needed to get all these clothes off. Why was I still in my leggings? Had someone turned up the furnace? All I wanted to do was go back to bed, snuggle into Jensen, and stay there.
I stripped off my leggings and my long sleeve sweater. My head still spun a little. Why did I have so many gin and tonics?
Because when you were sipping you weren't thinking about the gallery.
I was certainly more stable now, but I still felt a little off kilter. Wearing just my underwear, I crawled back into bed. If I could sleep a little more, I'd feel better. I'd have a plan of attack.
Jensen already had a strategy, and he’d taken care of it yesterday. There was no way I was going to examine that any further. That wouldn't be in my best interest. All I knew was that the moment I slid back into the bed, Jensen reached for me and pulled me against him tight, wrapping an arm around my waist, and he didn’t let go.
I might not even be fully awake. He certainly wasn't. But still, for a few brief moments, I wanted to pretend, to imagine that this was real. Fantasize that a family was possible for me. Dream that Jensen could love me.
* * *
Jensen
I hadno idea what time it was. All I knew was that Alex was grinding her ass onto my dick, and I was hard as stone. I settled a hand on her hip to see if I could get her to stop. But when my hand encountered smooth satin skin, I jerked it back. She was naked. Where were her clothes? I racked my memory. I'd put her to bed. Gotten ready for bed myself. Climbed in. What did I miss? She was dressed when I put her on the mattress.
I tried to scoot back a few inches, so at least I wouldn't have that gorgeous behind tempting me. If she kept rubbing up against me like that, I was going to wake her. And she would likely figure out exactly what I'd been thinking about her. Of course the little devil on my shoulder said,Oh that could be a totally awesome way to wake in the morning.
But as I tried to get away from Alex without actually getting off the bed, she finally rolled over and then sleepily blinked her lids. "Hey, where are you going?"
I cleared my throat. "Nowhere. I was just changing positions."
She nodded, her eyes drifting shut, and I released the breath I'd been holding. She was still drowsy. Maybe now was a good time to grab a T-shirt and head for the couch downstairs.
Before I could make my final decision, her lashes fluttered again. This time she blinked dark eyes up at me, and my breath caught. The sliver of moonlight shining in the room made her look like an angel. "Jensen? Can I ask you a question?"
I tried to speak but found that I was too hoarse, so I cleared my throat and tried again. "Of course. You can ask me anything."
Alex pushed herself up onto her elbows. The blanket slipped, showing me that she was at least in a bra. Thank God for small favors. Or too bad, depending on whether I listened to the little angel or the little devil.
"Why haven't we ever... You know?"
My dick twitched as if to say,hey, I have the same question.
"What do you mean?" I asked to stall for time.
"I mean, why have you never seriously tried to go out with me? Sure, you used to flirt, but you hit on every woman you've ever met. What's wrong with me?"
In the middle of the night, when my body was loose and languid and I didn't have to pretend at all, the truth came more readily. Which terrified me. "Because you're too important to me. In the early days, sure, I considered it. But you firmly ensconced me in the friend arena, and that was fine. And honestly, it's better that way. I know I can be hell on women. And I never want to do that to you. Besides, you don't really want to be one of those girls to me. I'm not good with relationships. Except this one."
I couldn't be sure, but the moonlight gave me enough light to see that her eyes were glittering as if she was ready to cry. “Why?” I asked.
"I don't know. I guess I've always wondered what was wrong with me. Why you didn't want me. I mean, you'll sleep with anyone as long as she's hot. I guess I was wondering if I would've made your list. You know, after guys like Mark and Brian. I think I just want to feel desirable. I find it hard to connect to people. Not you, though. But that's never happening."
Was she insane? I wanted her. I'dalwayswanted her. I’d just barely managed to use more of my brains than the little guy downstairs to think things through. "Alex, you're single-handedly, next to my grandmother, the most important person in my life. And you are sexy as hell. Shit. You're the sexiest woman I've ever known. You don't even try. Most girls I know, it's all smoke and mirrors. Hair extensions, nails, makeup. Those women look like completely different people when I wake up with them in the morning. You wake up like this. Soft and oozing sexiness."
She turned to face me, rolling onto her side. "You're just saying that because you're my best friend and you don't want to make me feel bad."
"I promise you I'm not just saying that." I turned on my side to face her as well, and she was so close I could have brushed my lips over hers. And ruined everything. "Alex, do you have any idea how tortured I’ve been the last two days? Not to touch you. I'm drowning here. Every time I kiss you, it's like someone shot a lightning bolt straight to my dick. And that's…confusingat the very least."
She ducked her head. I reached out and traced my fingers over her jaw before tilting up her chin so that our gazes met. "I want you so bad it hurts."
Her lips quivered when she asked, "What's stopping you?"
In that moment, I had no idea. If I kissed her, maybe that would be enough, just a taste. One that wasn't orchestrated, one that wasn't to show anything off, one that was private, between us. And I wanted it. Bad.
But that will mess up everything.
