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Becca and the instructor are moving to the front of the class, so I move to the side a little and scan the room, laughing when I spot our audience. Holly, Maya and Janey have settled into the corner of the room and appear to be snacking. The owner shoots them a look, but they grin unrepentantly. No food, no drinks other than water on the mats. That's the rule.
A rule that apparently doesn't apply to heavily pregnant ladies and their entourage.
Smiling, I give them a little wave, then turn back to the front, my eyes locking with Micah's on the way. The look on his face, as he peers from me to Nick, is far too knowing. There's a small curl at the corner of his lip, then he gives me a tiny nod.
He knows there's more than friendship between Nick and I. And I think we just got his nod of approval.
Good. Only a butt load of people left to talk to.
And my sister, the scariest one of all.
Becca and the other instructor move us through a series of warmups before demonstrating some of the defensive moves we're practicing today. I'm still freaked out as she demonstrates. Not because the moves are new —Becca and I have practiced them a ton— but because I never realized the intimacy of the positions until right this moment. Wrestling around on the floor with Becca was simple. There was no attraction to worry about. But now I'm supposed to do the same thing with Nick?
And when she calls for us to assume our positions with our partners, I hesitate. I trade glances with Nick, relieved to find him looking just as unsure. It makes it easier for me to lay down and spread my legs. From the outside, all of this looks crazy. And way too intimate.
And it is.
As Nick comes over me, into the cradle of my legs I realize I'm in over my head. This isn't scary. Far from it. Having Nick this close, this intimate, doesn't feel anything like I thought it would. We're in a room full of other people doing the exact same thing we are, and yet, it's as if none of them exist.
As we move through the motions, practicing the moves slowly, our bodies gliding and pressing together, I thank God I wore my thickest sports bra. Never, not once, did I think something like this would turn me on, but it so is. The heat of our bodies, the moisture on our skin...it's all sex. It's not supposed to be, I know that. But that's all I can think about, at least until Becca moves us into actual grappling drills.
"Bree, do you want me to go first?" Nick asks, studying the groups around us. In the corner, Micah has Zach in a chokehold from behind. Zach is scrabbling around, but shockingly, doesn't look like he's beaten. He should be. Micah is way bigger than he is, but even as I watch, Zach twists himself and breaks Micah's hold. Then he and Micah are jockeying for position, both trying to pin the other one.
"No," I say firmly, certainty pumping through my muscles. "I'm okay. You pin me first." I get down on all fours, waiting for Nick to lie along my back, locking his arm under my chest. I know it's Nick, but the power of his body and the intimacy of our position suddenly make me feel vulnerable. I didn't feel this way when Becca did the same thing, and now I get why she pushed this. It's different with a man. The strength of his arms, the power in his body, is different. A shudder of fear wracks my body. Nick starts to pull back, but I grip the arm across my chest tightly. "No. Don't leave. Just...give me a second."
I don't fight the fear. I don't judge it. I just let it exist, and through it, I count Nick's breaths, and mine, working to match his slow, easy rhythm. I don't know how long we stay like that. The movement of all the other bodies in the room, the grunts and the occasional swears are all background static. It's just Nick and I in this bubble, but eventually, my body is back under my control. The fear is still there, but it's a low hum instead of a roar.
I turn my head until my lips are nearly meeting Nicks. "I'm okay. Let's do this."
29
BREE
There's an electrical storm between us, zinging and crackling along our skin. It's been there through the class. Through the drive home in separate cars. And now, alone in the elevator, it's all I can feel.
My throat is tight. I should say something to break the tension, something to laugh this off. I'm the one that said I wasn't ready for anything right now.
But I changed my mind. No way am I going to ignore the pull between us. I don't want to.
The elevator doors open on my floor, but I don't look away from him. Cara might be home. Or she might not be. I don't care. I have no intention of stepping off the elevator anywhere but on Nick's floor. His eyes light with a scorching fire as the doors close and we move swiftly up to his level. This time when they open, I slowly, deliberately push off the wall. Clutching my bag in my hand, I step off, and stop right in front of Nick's door.
His bag makes a thump of sound as it hits the floor beside me. Then mine is lifted off my shoulder and dropped to the floor too. Then, in an echo of the hour we spent in that class, his back is pressed against mine. His arm comes around me, banding around my ribs and pulling me slowly into him.
"Bree," he rasps, chin on my shoulder. "What are we doing?" The stubble on his cheek scrapes against my neck and sends a tingle down my spine. I love that feeling, the heat of the scrape adding another layer of desire to my already tingling body.
I have to clear my throat to speak. "We're going inside, just like we have every night this week." It's true. I've been in his bed every night. Most of those nights I started out on my side, and by morning we wrapped up together. It's the best I've slept in years. Maybe my whole life.
"This doesn't feel the same," he says, deliberately rubbing his chin along my shoulder.
"No...it doesn't," I admit. "Things are...different."
"Since when?"
"Since tonight."
He pulls back, arm staying wrapped around me, but his head moving away from mine. I miss him already. I clamp my arm on his, keeping him locked to me. We were in the same position just a couple of hours ago, but this feels totally different.
"The class was a lot," he says softly. "You're probably feeling all kinds of things. You did so good, Bree. I'm so proud of you. You kicked my ass multiple times."
