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“Are you going to do drugs again?”
I swallowed hard, wishing I had a simple answer for her. “I want to say no. I want to tell you that I’ll never do them again. But I’m an addict, and…”
“I know,” she smiled at me. “Trust me, I know.”
“I want to change. I want to…fuck, I don’t want to be the guy that I was. When I see Parker and he looks at me like I’m his best friend, I want to be the guy he needs. I want to be the guy you need.”
“Then be him,” she said simply. “All I need is a man who wants to behere with me, who will love my son and do whatever he can to protect us. And you’ve already done that. The rest is just follow through.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. “You once asked me why it felt like I wasn’t who I said I was. That guy—the one who was on drugs and hung around with Rico, the one who was angry all the time—that will never be me again. I promise you.”
“Then prove it,” she said, right as she leaned in and I crashed my lips against hers. It was like coming home, feeling her body against mine. The doubts and anger I held vanished with just one kiss. I knew they’d return eventually, but right now, she was my anchor, the person keeping me grounded.
Her hands slid through my hair, her nails scratching lightly against my scalp. There was nothing I wanted more than to take her upstairs and bury myself inside her, but it wouldn’t happen like this. Not when I was just coming to terms with who I was.
I broke the kiss, closing my eyes as I made my decision. “Not yet.”
“Jack—”
“No, when it happens, it’s going to be because I’m not fucked up anymore. I don’t want you to ever worry that I’m just using you.”
“Why would I think that?” she laughed.
But she stopped laughing when I looked her in the eyes. “I disappeared on you just a few days ago. You need to be sure that’s not going to happen again. Only then will I really have your trust, and the ability to earn your heart.”
I kissed her one last time and stood, walking to the door. “Lock this behind me.”
“You know I will,” she said, her eyes laughing at me.
I stepped outside and didn’t leave the porch until I heard the lock snick. But even on the short walk home, I was watching the shadows, waiting for something to come and blow my world up once again.
“Jack!”Cash grinned as I walked through the front doors at seven in the morning. “Are you back?”
“Not yet,” I answered, feeling a little itchy just being here.
“How’s the head?”
I still had sunglasses on my face, even though I was indoors. “Good days and bad.”
“I take it today isn’t the best day. Do you want to talk about it?”
I did enough of that with my therapist. Fuck, I hated even admitting that I was seeing someone. It made me feel weak, like I was broken.
“I actually stopped by to…to find out…”
“Where you go from here?” he finished for me.
I gave a tight nod. “Something like that.”
“Come with me.”
He turned and headed for the elevator, not waiting to see if I would follow. Of course I did. The whole reason I came here was to figure out what I was going to do now. But it felt strange to sit down and talk with Cash in this way. He had the same face as his brother, but he was nothing like him.
We descended to the third floor, heading to his office that was now next to the conference room. I guessed he didn’t like being above ground when everyone else was below. Shutting the door behind me, I took a seat across from him.
“I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I was in Afghanistan,” Cash said, leaning back in his seat.
“Yeah, I heard that.”
