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I’m not sure why I do it but I do. I stare at his arms and then up at his face. My heart is pounding and my stomach has gone back to an icy knot. He’s offering comfort. And he saved me. And I like him. All good reasons to do this. But he’s also my captor. And he just killed a man.
To save me. Never forget that. He did that when I was threatened.
That seals it. I step into his arms and he closes them around. The strength in him is clear as he pulls me tight and holds me. We stand in silence and I listen to his heart thundering as his chest rises and falls with a steadying regularity.
I wrap my arms around him. He’s so broad my fingers barely meet behind him. I’m safe. For the moment, for right now, we’re okay. One step at a time. One step, then another.
“We need help. The body must go, then we have to hope they don’t know he was coming here. Or that he wasn’t only coming here.”
His voice seems even deeper here with my ear pressed into his chest. I hear it rumbling deep inside of him and I love the way it vibrates as it emerges. It’s warm and comforting. I nod my agreement.
“What if they know?” I ask.
“They cannot,” he says.
“But, Bhoja, what if?”
He doesn’t answer but pats my back and that is more terrifying than if he said anything imaginable.
19
BHOJA
She fits. Holding her in my arms feels right. As if she belongs here and always has. She is, it seems, something I was missing but had no idea was gone.
What have I done?
I killed a Maulavi. My life is forfeit, but that doesn’t matter. Not much. I had already resigned myself to death. My life was over long before I reacted and ended him.
Reacted. Why did I react? He didn’t do anything.
He threatened her. She’s awakened feelings in me. Forced me into an awareness of what my people, no worse, what I’ve become. How far we’ve fallen.
And now she is in my arms. Where she belongs. Where she has always belonged.
I killed him.
It keeps coming back. Each time as if it is a brand new thought that I’d never had before. It’s not the first time I’ve killed, that is not what bothers me. I have killed many times in my life, but never a person in power and never in cold blood.
Every other kill has been in a battle. A fight in which the possible outcomes were clear, it was either me or them. Simple, brutal, and honest. This though, I should not have reacted like that. It was excessive. Too much. Stupid.
Why? There is only one answer. Her.
I look at the top of her head wrapped in my arms. Her body, so much smaller than my own, I would never think she would fit the way she does. So perfectly.
Our one hope is that he did not tell anyone he was coming to my home. I do not know how the Maulavi work on the inside. No one that I now of does. Everyone does know that they know things they should have no way of knowing. It is that which has created a pervasive air of fear that every Urr’ki knows. No one wants to or dares to cross them.
Or kill one of them. Too late for that, though.
Unbidden and inconveniently my cock stiffens. It is a natural reaction but now is far from the time for such. I step back, pushing her away hopefully before she feels it pressing into her. Unfortunately as she steps back her eyes drop down then up and the way she bites her lip, which is in itself incredibly erotic, leaves no doubt she was aware of it.
We could…
No. Fool. What, have sex while the Maulavi sits on my couch dead? Am I a fool? Do I want us both to end up on the machine?
“We will go to Mazabuta,” I say.
Mazabuta is mated with one of the humans. He is the first to do so, he knows how these aliens think. When he gave the female to my protection there were insinuations that I chose to ignore, but he made it clear the safety of the humans was his top priority. More important than anything the Maulavi might want. Who else can I dare to trust?
