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Here, in front of who knew how many people watching on live television, I had no earthly idea what to do or say. My old familiar enemy, shame, inflamed my cheeks and made the back of my throat ache. But my old friend, anger, caused my stomach and fists to clench. Flight or fight?
Finally, words traveled up from my churning gut to my mouth. “The facts are the facts. They’re also way in my past. I’d love to talk about my movie instead.” My voice sounded strong and calm even though tears pricked the backs of my eyelids. That’s what good acting training will do.
“But don’t they go hand in hand, considering the subject of your new film?” Kat asked.
She had me there.
The Betrayalwas a domestic thriller about next-door neighbors entangled in an extramarital affair. My character’s husbandwas cheating on me with the woman next door, who pretended to be my friend but who actually wanted to steal my life.
“Why did you choose the part? Did your public breakup with Benjamin Potter have anything to do with it?”
I inwardly winced. I’d asked that she not ask any questions about Ben and me.
It had been six months since he cheated on me and broke off our engagement. Our romantic relationship and subsequent humiliating breakup had opened my life up to scrutiny and criticism. After we started dating, the paparazzi had followed me everywhere. One of the biggest stars in the world, Ben was known for his action movies; he was considered Hollywood elite. The public seemed insatiable in respect to his personal life. They wanted to know everything about him. Thus, paparazzi had begun waiting outside when I exited my apartment or a restaurant to snap my photo. All worth it, I’d told myself at the time. What had I expected, anyway, when I agreed to marry Ben? He was the biggest movie star in the world.
After our engagement was announced, the tabloids had been practically salivating. Online, trolls were up to their usual evil with comments about what a gold digger I was and that I wasn’t pretty enough for him. When we broke up, the comments were even worse. If they only understood that on the other side of those comments was a real person. A broken one, made worse by their casual cruelty.
“The breakup of a relationship is hard, no matter the circumstance,” I said, noncommittally.
“Dealing with such a public breakup can’t be easy,” Kat said, voice dripping with sympathy.
She was anything but.
Stay calm. You can do this. Answer the questions and get out. Go home to Dad and Barb for the holidays.I tried to bring up the image of my father and stepmother and my little half-sisters sitting around the dining room table playing cards, an imagethat usually calmed me. However, even that could not stop my knees from knocking together.
Since I’d arrivedin the plastic world of Los Angeles, women like Kat Jenkins had intimidated me. Sadly, it was no different today. No matter how many voice lessons I’d taken, it took effort to speak without my Montana-mixed-with-Texas accent. When I’d first come to Hollywood, an agent had told me I needed to get rid of my “hick.” He hadn’t meant just my accent, either. There were my cowgirl boots and the lack of hair product to tame my unruly locks and an additional twenty pounds. Celeste had hired a nutritionist and a trainer for me. “Being fit and slim is all part of your job,” she’d said when I’d balked at the expense of a personal fitness adviser.
Regardless, I’d done what she suggested. Acting was all I wanted to do. If I needed to be rail-thin like the other aspiring actresses in whatever lobby I happened to be waiting for an audition, I would do it.
The beginning of the year had started off so promising. My current role in a series calledHawthornehad garnered critical acclaim. The show had been one of the big hits of the year, and I was frequently mentioned as its breakout star.
“I look for parts I find interesting,” I said, answering Kat’s earlier question. “And the script’s excellent. When Alan offered me the role, I didn’t hesitate.”
“Even though it was close to your own experience?”
“Yes. Even so.” A tremor had crawled into my tone.Too close. She’s getting too close.
“From the newspaper articles written at the time, it seemed clear your mother was intent on leaving town with her lover. Which meant leaving you, her eleven-year-old daughter. How does that make you feel?”
She wants me to cry. Tears made for good ratings.
“It makes me feel bad. Is that what you want me to say?” How else could it make me feel? My mother had betrayed my father, her best friend, and me when she decided Rex Sharp was all she wanted.
My dad had been right to move us to Texas to live with my grandparents, even though I’d loved the little town in Montana and had to leave my best friend. Stella, Atticus’s mother, had been like an aunt to me. I’d adored all his little brothers, as an only child would. They’d been my family too.
“There was a reason I kept this private.” My voice definitely wavered now. Unshed tears made my eyes hot. “It was a long time ago. My mother’s actions have nothing to do with my life now.”
“But couldn’t you use your celebrity status to gain attention and awareness?” Kat asked.
Awareness of what? That two families were destroyed? That six little kids had woken that day with one fewer parent? That we had to face the truth of their betrayal for the rest of our lives?
“I’m not sure what you mean.” My hands unclasped. Fists clenched.
“Suicide prevention? Mental health issues? Don’t you have a responsibility to tell the truth about your past so you might help others?”
Tears flooded my eyes. I looked around, desperate to locate Celeste. She was just off camera, her oval face pinched and her fingers near her mouth.
I couldn’t take it any longer. “You should be ashamed of yourself. What’s wrong with you? I’m a person with feelings. I lost my mother in the most horrific of ways and now it’s been dug from the past and reminded me of that time. You want to know how I feel? Ifeellike you’re rude and thoughtless. Ifeellike I’ll never give you another interview, and I hope no oneelse does either.” I tore the microphone clip from my sweater and leaped to my feet, almost toppling over in my high-heeled boots. Blindly, I stumbled from the sound stage toward Celeste. She grabbed hold of my arm and dragged me from the room.
