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“Annie, you’re here too?” She walked the rest of the way toward me, pulling me into a quick hug.
“I felt like I had to come.” More stupid tears stung my eyes. “You know?”
“I do. I came to the same conclusion after not sleeping all night. I hardly know what to think.”
“Other than everything you thought you knew, you didn’t.”
“That’s right. I could tell last night you’re hurting.” Her kind eyes searched my face. “This must be so hard.”
“It’s been hard but good too.” A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth. “Atticus.”
Her eyes sparkled at the sound of her son’s name. “Do you remember that you’d promised each other you’d get married?”
I laughed, embarrassed. “You knew about that.”
“There wasn’t much about my boys I didn’t know. You’ll see when you’re a mother. Sometimes we know our children better than they know themselves.”
“Do you mind? About Atticus and me?”
“Mind? Why would I mind? You came here for a reason. Something drew you to him after all this time. Is he something you’re willing to sacrifice for?”
“How do you mean?”
“When you love someone, there are compromises and sacrifices that come with every relationship. He wants to be here with his family, but he also wants you.”
I glanced down at Scout, who peered at me with loving brown eyes. “I’m not sure I belong in this world any more. My life’s in LA. And my work.”
“Something you strived for.” Stella smiled as she tugged her red cap closer to her eyebrows. “From the time you were two years old, I knew you’d become some kind of performer.”
“Did my mom think that?”
“She couldn’t see past her worry about you. Choosing a career in the arts is cause for concern. She didn’t want you to be hurt or disappointed.”
I flexed my fingers inside the gloves. “Is that true? Was she a good mother? Before the sickness, I mean.”
“Honey, she was. A good wife too. And a dear friend to me. We always had each other’s backs. Or, we had at some point.” Her eyes glassed over with tears. “Her betrayal cut me so deep that for years I couldn’t even think about her. I pushed it aside whenever I thought of her, but not before a knife twisted in my gut. She hurt me more than Rex ever could have. It was her I thought I’d grow old with. The two of us with silver hair and grandbabies. I had it all planned out.” She laughed, wiping her eyes. “We used to joke about you and Atticus, how close you were. From the time you could talk, you finished each other’s sentences.”
“We did?”
“Oh yes, it was very sweet.”
“Did Mom have any dreams? I never knew anything about her, other than she was my mom.”
“Dreams? Only to be a wife and mother,” Stella said. “Which is another reason I couldn’t believe what she did. Now I understand a little better.”
“What if it wasn’t the tumor? What if she just loved him more than she loved you and me?”
Stella dipped her chin into the folds of her scarf, gaze directed downward for a second before looking into my eyes. “If it wasn’t the tumor, we still have to forgive her. Otherwise, we’re only cheating ourselves. That’s what I’ve learned in therapy, anyway. I finally had to go, after the urging of Jasper. I was having recurring dreams that a knife had permanently lodged in my back and I couldn’t get to my boys, who needed me. If that one isn’t obvious, right?”
“Yes, pretty much,” I said.
“Jasper finally tired of me waking screaming in the middle of the night and scaring him half to death and told me I had to go talk to someone. There was a lot to unpack. My cold parents. The choice of Rex over my future. Why I let him change all my plans and all that. And finally, your mom. My best friend who was truly like a sister to me.”
“You worked through it?” I asked.
“For the most part. I understand now why I chose Rex and allowed him to treat me so poorly. Your mom, though, she will always be a missing piece for me. But I prayed last night for answers, and I woke up this morning sure of one thing. I needed to forgive her once and for all. And allow some of the good times to come back to me. All the ones I’ve stuffed away or pretended never happened.” She rustled the bouquet of flowers cradled in her left arm. “Is that why you’re here?”
I nodded. A little voice nudged its way into my head. I had to forgive my mother if I were going to let Atticus all the way into my life.
