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"I blew it, Mama. I started in on marrying her and following her around and bringing the baby to set."
Mama’s eyes widened in shock. “She left?”
“Yep. I scared her, and now she’s gone forever.”
Tears came, and I didn't try to stop them. I let her fold me into her arms. Mama held me tight until the present crying jag ended. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I pulled away.
Pop came in with his arms full of shopping bags. "Hey now, what's going on?" He set the bags on the ground and rushed over to us. "It is Annie?”
“She's leaving, Pop." My voice broke. "She's going back to LA."
I went on to repeat what I'd already told Mama. "And don't tell me I was an idiot for coming on too strong. I know that."
"I would never call you an idiot," Pop said. "You love her. Anyway, it's not like you've only known her for two weeks. When you're as close as you two were as children, it's different. You’re bonded.”
His kind words weakened me further. More tears blurred my vision. "I really thought she was on the same page. I thought she'd fallen in love with me too."
“For whatever reason, she’s not ready,” Pop said, steering me over to sit at the table.
Mama followed us, sitting beside me.
Pop sat on my other side, patting my shoulder. “What happened to her when she was a girl and then this recent public breakup—it’s made her afraid to jump into love. My suspicion is she does love you, but she’s just terrified of being hurt again.”
“I’d never hurt her.” The very idea of anything I did or didn’t do causing her pain made me feel sick to my stomach. “She deserves so much better than she got from her mom or that narcissist she was engaged to. Even her mother’s illness doesn’t mean it hurts her any less. Her mother’s leaving is not a wound she can get ever get over, brain tumor or no.”
Pop only nodded. What other truth could be agreed upon, after all? Annie’s mother’s decision had set us all on a course that changed all our lives. My father’s too, of course. Yet it seemed different. We’d all known Rex Sharp was a lying cheat before he proved it to us one last time. He’d already left my mother numerous times before the day he announced his final departure.
I’d heard his truck making its way down the driveway and had gotten up to watch from the window. My only thought had been about Mama and my brothers. I’d known what a direfinancial situation we faced. At eleven years old I’d taken it upon myself to fix everything.
And I’d hated him with a burning rage that could have ruined me. Instead, I had Mama and Pop. When he came to us, I was able to let go of the burden and become a kid again.
I folded at the waist, hanging my head between my legs. Black dots danced before my eyes. “This hurts so much. No wonder she doesn’t want to risk feeling this way.”
“I know it does, buddy. I wish I could take the pain away.” Pop had always shown up for me. From the very first time we met him, he’d been on our side, showering us with the affection we so desperately needed from a father. I could still remember what it felt like to be in my eleven-year-old body, how small and vulnerable I’d felt—with no control over anything, including whether or not my dad stayed.
But then Pop had come. He’d loved away so much of my hurt and made me feel worthy of affection.
But Annie leaving? Her abandonment brought back so many of the feelings I’d had as a kid. Being left or deserted could not be rationalized away. The fact was—Annie didn’t love me enough to risk getting hurt. Rex Sharp hadn’t loved me enough to stand up and be the father I needed.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“You’re going to be all right.” Pop scooted his chair closer and wrapped his hand around my shoulder. “I promise.”
“There’s just no one like her. Not for me.”
“If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back,” he said.
“I’m sure as heck not going after her. I’ve had enough humiliation for one day.”
“What’s wrong with Scout?” Mama asked. “She’s hardly moved since I came in. Usually she heads right for the treat drawer when she sees me.”
Scout had plopped on the mat just inside the French doors that led out to the patio. With her head between her front paws,she stared forlornly outside, as if she expected someone to come back at any moment.
Was she sad about Annie? Or was it just a coincidence?
I went to her, dropping to my knees. “Hey, girl, you okay? You want one of Mama’s homemade treats?” She didn’t even lift her head. Was she sick?
“What’s wrong, sweet girl?” Mama asked, kneeling beside me with a treat in her hand. She held it out to my black-and-white fur-ball, but Scout just sighed and turned her head.
