Page 69 of Swoony Moon


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In a sit-in of my own, I’d planted myself in the most comfortable chair I owned in front of my fireplace. The remaining four beers awaited in an ice bucket at my feet. On the television, a sappy holiday movie played on mute. I didn’t need the volume on in order to understand the plot. A woman from the city was summoned to her small town because of a family situation. Lo and behold, she runs into her high school sweetheart. In a series of beautiful settings, they fall back in love. She leaves, of course, only to change her mind at the airport and return to him and the simpler life in a small town.

If only reality were as simple.

Another movie began. Outside, the light had faded to nearly dark even though it was not yet four in the afternoon. I turnedthe sound on, hoping for a distraction from thoughts that ran as dark as the sky.

I watched the storyline unfold, this time a rivalry between corner bakeries in a small, scenic town. My mind wandered during the commercials. Should I take the position at Seamark? Would it be something to hold on to while I let go of Annie? As I’d told her, most people would not hesitate to take such a high-profile executive position. People worked their whole careers for such an opportunity.

The truth was, I didn’t care about the money. Yes, it would make me a billionaire if I were to hold on to the job long enough to take advantage of the generous stock options. But there was the rub. Could I hold on to a job that I didn’t feel equipped for just because I wanted to distract myself from missing Annie? I’d barely managed to run my small company. One with the number of employees and the pressure the CEO of Seamark faced from shareholders, it would be above my head.

Was I all right admitting that? Despite my success, I knew there had been a lot of luck involved, but mostly it had been the software that had done the work for me.

I reached for my third beer, wishing I had the ability to drink faster. This numbing process thus far had been unsuccessful.

My tendencies since my biological father’s death had been to avoid pain whenever possible. I never got too close to anyone outside my family. It had worked well during my career, as I was able to remain unattached emotionally from my team. I’d treated them with respect and rewarded them generously, but I would have been the last guy anyone invited out for a drink after work.

The only people I truly trusted—other than when they went rogue and tried to win back my girlfriend for me—were the members of my immediate family. Should I remain thus? Sealmyself inside the fences of my family’s property? Spend the rest of my life reading and fishing?

Who knew what life had in store for me. At this point I knew only one thing. I wanted to be home with the people who loved me, not slaving eighty hours at a desk, juggling investor expectations, employee concerns, and innovation.

I got up from my cocoon of a chair and went into my office. Soon, I’d written a letter to the Seamark board declining the offer and suggesting they give it to Felix instead of me. I’d added a description of what he’d been so adept at during our time together and why he would be a better fit than I.

Before I could second-guess myself, I hit Send.

Immediately, I felt lighter. This was the right decision. It was like flipping a coin over a decision. Whichever side it lands on tells you what you really want.

I wanted to be in Montana.

Now I just had to convince Scout we could live without Annie.

I returned to my chair in front of the fireplace. The movie had progressed in my absence. The hero and heroine were now locked in a commercial refrigerator together. How had that happened?

Never mind. I twisted the cap off of a third beer and drew my black-and-red-checkered Christmas blanket over my legs. I’d just stay like this until spring or until this awful ache in my bones dissipated. Whichever was first.

From down the hall, Scout barked, followed by the sounds of her claws on the hardwood floor. She ran past me, a streak of white and black, and headed toward the front door. The moment she reached her destination, the doorbell rang.

Could it be?

No, she was not coming back. This was no movie.

It was probably a package delivery and nothing more. Reluctantly, feeling a hundred years old, I got up to answer the door.

My heart leaped when I saw Annie’s sage-green suitcase through the side window. I yanked open the door. Scout barked, her tail wagging, and hurled herself against Annie’s legs.

“Hey,” Annie said. “My flight was canceled.”

As jubilant as I’d been a moment before, I was equally dismayed. She’d only come back because she had nowhere else to go.

“You can stay at the cabin, I’m sure.” I spoke politely but without any warmth. She’d made her decision.

Wait, had she been crying? Puffy and red eyes peered at me. Whatever makeup had been there when she left me that morning had disappeared.

My emotional state shifted once more. Why had she been crying? Was it because she didn’t really want to leave me?

Annie hugged herself over her puffy coat. “Can I come in? I’m freezing. And I need to talk to you.”

I looked around her to see that Rafferty and Thad were waiting in his car. They’d taken her to the airport? Or at least partly there. Never mind that. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she was back.

I waved at them, mostly to let them know it was all right to leave. Then I backed up a few steps to invite Annie inside.

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