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Rya and I both laugh. And although Marco doesn’t crack a smile, I know he’s also amused. He’s been with us since we were kids and is like an uncle. An overbearing one at that.
“Wait,” Rya says. “Was Dawson the person you snuck off with?”
I place the knife down. “Is it that obviousfather doesn’t like him?” I ask. I didn’t see them talking at the wedding, but apparently, it’s well-known how much my father hates him.
Rya studies me carefully before speaking, directing her request to Lawson and Marco. “Can you two give us just a few moments.”
Lawson is hesitant to leave his food prep but does so after turning it twice.
“Is there something I should know about you and Dawson?” she asks. And I know she’s not the slightest bit impressed. Okay, I get it. He’s a dangerous man. But she, of all people, can’t reprimand me since she married one.
“No, there’s not.” I shrug. And I think back on the other night, how he walked out on me, which made me feel like something was wrong with me. The anger rises again. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it so now is the time. “Actually, I don’t know. But what I do know is, he seriously pisses me off.”
Rya arches her eyebrow and scoots off the chair. “Perhaps we need a drink for this one.”
I lean against the back of the counter with my arms crossed as she pours each of us a drink.
“Look, the guy’s hot, all right? And, sure, I know he’s going to be great in bed, and I really want to give it a go. Like really,reallygive it a go.”
Rya’s trying not to laugh and has her hand at her mouth.
“It’s differentfor me, Rya. Don’t laugh.”
“I’m not laughing at you,” she says. “It’s just this is what Dawson does. He brings out people’s desires. And I won’t tell you how much you should avoid Dawson. I like him. But Honey, he can never give you what you want. He’s not the relationship type.”
“I might not be a relationship type,” I say defiantly. She hands me a glass, her brow lifted in question. Okay, maybe. But I don’t know yet. That’s why I’m trying to find myself here.
“I told Dawson I’m a virgin,” I admit, and she swallows her wine slowly. “When he came back to my place after we snuck out after work.”
She sits across from me again. “And how did he take it? Was he pressing you for something?” There’s an edge to her tone. I can’t help but adore her and want to swat away her protectiveness at the same time.
“No, he didn’t.” I continue chopping the fruit. “But I kind of hooked up with him at your wedding in the supply closet. Not sex, but, you know… stuff.”
“I figured something happened between you there,” she admits, and I’m grateful that she’s not calling me silly or out of my mind. I’m happy that she’s listening and letting me vent. “So how did he take it when you told him you were a virgin?”
“He left. And I haven’t seen him since.”
She doesn’t seem surprised.
Oh my God. Is it really that repulsive to be a virgin at my age?
“Okay, so the real question is, do you want to lose your virginity to him? Because from my impression, I don’t think he’s the right person for you, Honey.”
And as furious as I am with Dawson, it still hurts a little to hear. I know it doesn’t make sense. And I know what she speaks is the truth. But I can’t help how attracted I am to the man.
“What do you mean?”
“He sells virgins, Honey. Dawson would have specific expectations. I’ve never seen him so much as show interest in a woman unless it’s work-related. I wonder if he’s doing you a favor by not taking your virginity. I know you don’t want to wait until marriage anymore, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be with someone special.”
I sigh. Because Rya is completely the opposite of that. She and Crue fuck all day, every day. And how she dealt with men in the past was to use them for sex. So why can’t I have that? Even Rya still sees me as sweet and innocent. And it’s frustrating, even though she means nothing by it.
“He kind of alluded to that,” I say, somewhat disheartened.Damn, how did I get here?There are literally thousands of men in New York. Normal men. I only have to dip my toe into the dating world with one of them.
“So what do you plan to do about it?” she asks.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I smile. I don’t want aman who doesn’t want me because of one simple thing. No, I haven’t had sex, but so what? Why is that such a big deal? I mean, I’ve probably already broken my hymen. I’ve done a lot of other things and just because I haven’t had a penis in me, does that make it more taboo?
Well, fuck him.
