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But maybe this is how my sister was seduced. With promises of what could be.
Temptation in denim and leather. Looking like every good girl’s bad boy dream come true. I gaze into his eyes, a little drunk on Jack and a lot drunk on him. There’s no anger hidden in his gaze, only raw desire awaits there.
So I allow myself to fall into the unknown that is him as his mouth comes down on mine, full of fire.
“Think you’ll remember this tomorrow?” he whispers into my mouth as I jerk on his belt buckle. “What about your ride?”
“I can catch another.”
“Are you sure?”
I nod. Oh yeah. I want this.
Need pulses through my veins.
“Right here in the mud?”
“Are you turning me down?”
“We can wake the dead, baby. Just want to make sure you know what you’re doing?”
“This won’t change anything, you know.” I unzip his jeans and a horn blows at the bottom of the hill.
“Last chance, Stella.”
Chill bumps fan up and down my arms as the horn blares again. “Rain check,” I announce, and go scurrying down the gravel road, hoping I don’t trip and fall.
It’s been hours since the Uber dropped me at my apartment, and I don’t feel any better or any closer to knowing the truth. I didn’t promise not to say anything to anyone about what Trenton told me. I know that Smoke didn’t want him to be talking to me about him and my sister. He’s practically put his life in my hands. I know that what he told me may not get him killed, but this could ruin his life if proven to be true. If Shiloh did those horrible things, then I have to make my peace with that.
There’s only one other person other than my sister who can tell me what really happened that night, and I doubt he’s going to share. I get that he would implicate himself by coming forward, but I don’t know how else to find closure.
They say to be careful what you wish for. I wanted to know what happened to my sister. Now I know that she either took her own life or was murdered for being a shitty person. To violate someone in that manner. I can’t wrap my mind around that part. The drugs fine, but to use them on someone against their will and take advantage of their body. To not only go that far, but to record it and try to ruin the life of your victim. The whole situation is sick is what it is.
To think that my sister was capable of being that type of monster, I can’t fathom it, and yet I know that we never truly know anyone. I’ve covered plenty of cases on my podcasts to know that everyone has their secrets. Mistakes they’ve made. Things they thought they’d take to the grave. Except what is done in darkness always comes to light. The truth always comes out, eventually. If only Heaven or I suppose Hell had a phone, I could ask the source. Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster was what our dad used to say when we were kids.
I play over my last conversations with my sister.
How distant she was. Almost secretive. When I tried to talk to her about my suspicions about Jacob, she’d change the subject or ignore me completely. When I’d ask about her life, she’d blow me off with vague answers. An ugly sob rips from my throat.
I didn’t know what was going on in her life at all. Did she know I’d tell her what she was doing was wrong? Was that why she was pushing me away? Drugs. Lies. Hurting people?
No one can answer those questions. Not truly.
Which leaves me with Smoke. After my spat with his girlfriend, I’m sure he’s feeling less than helpful. That’s a problem for tomorrow.
I wipe away my tears.
Have I been completely wrong about all of it?
All these questions are exhausting.
I make sure that the cat has fresh water and turn down the lights to climb into bed when a knock sounds at my door. Glancing out the peephole, I don’t see anyone. Investing in a camera would be smart and I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of that until now. I should buy one, but making drunken purchases isn’t a wise move either.
Though I think the past few hours dissecting my sister’s final last weeks of her life have sobered me greatly.
Knock. Knock.
This time I see who it is and opening my door for him is the last thing I want to do right now. My emotions are too raw, but I know he won’t go away until I do. I unlock the deadbolt and open the door.
