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I wince when a relentless drum beats against my skull. Reminding me of the hours I spent crying until no more tears fell. The puffiness around my eyes ache, and every limb in my body feels weighted when I go to sit up.
A gentle touch helps me upright. Soft lips press a chaste kiss to my forehead, making my heart swell.
“Are you going to Emma?” Fynn asks, trailing his fingers tenderly down my spine.
I nod. “I have to tell her that today is the day.”
He smiles softly at me, but I can see the sadness that wants to glisten in his eyes. Events that I never imagined would happen have come true. Emma is dead. Kye is dead.
Every time I wake up, that blaring truth sours my stomach and I want to crawl deeper into a dark hole that I should be digging myself. I’m a healer. Lifting my palms in front of me, I stare at them with disgust. How can I call myself a healer when I couldn’t save them? I fucking failed them both.
Today is the day we honor Kye and say our farewells. Emma should be honored, too, but Draven refuses to be separated from her. He keeps her in his room, making sure she’s cleaned and never alone. We all know he is nowhere near ready to give his final goodbyes. Truthfully, neither am I.
The mattress dips as Fynn shifts to grab both of my hands and bring them to his lips. It’s only then that I realize I must have zoned out, staring at my palms for what they failed to do.
“Go have your time with her, and I’ll get everything ready for Kye,” he reassures me with so much care.
Fynn has been by my side through all of this, even though I know he’s hurting, too. He surprises me with how attentive he’s been, helping me stay on my feet when all I want to do is fall apart from the grief… From the shame.
I don’t bother to brush my hair when I slip on the rose-colored cotton dress strewn over the chair at the foot of the bed. It's the same dress I wore yesterday, but I don’t care. It seems like such an inane concern after two lives were lost. And all I did was curl in a ball and weep in it. So, I suppose my tears washed it clean.
Fynn is watching me while sitting on the edge of the bed when I walk over to him. I take his hand in mine and give it a soft squeeze. “Thank you,” I whisper, breathing in deeply to keep the fresh tears at bay.
He squeezes back. “I’m here for whatever you need.”
Since the world flipped upside down, it's been hard to find a sliver of joy. But Fynn… He knows what to say to earn a smile, no matter how small. It's an odd feeling for my lips to turn upward when my heart is still bleeding with grief.
“I know you are, and I’m here for you in any way I can be,” I say, noticing his shoulders drop as his muscles relax.
I’ve been distant in my mind. Getting lost in my thoughts often, but I want to be there for him, too. It just may take me longer.
I let my hand fall from his as I turn on my heel to go see Emma. When I enter the hallway, it's dark in mourning, filled with the hush of death. The only sound is the pad of my slippers that announce life still exists here, but I feel like I’m disrupting the tribute the silence is offering.
When I reach Draven’s door, I stand there with my arms hanging loosely at my sides. I stare at the intricate designs in the wood, building up the courage to go inside again. To face my friend that my powers couldn’t save… And to face the male who is broken in more ways I knew was possible. I know he won’t register I’m there; he never does. I failed him, too.
I raise my hand to grab the door handle but pause a hair’s breadth away. I used to knock, but it makes no difference anymore. Draven never responds. My fingers are trembling as they barely brush the metal and I fist them quickly in hopes for it to stop. After a few heartbeats, I hesitantly curl them around the handle and twist.
The room is silent when I push the door open. Draven is sitting in the chair he’s made permanently stay next to the bed. His elbows rest on the mattress as he holds one of Emma’s limp hands in his, staring at it as if he can will it to move.
On a shaky inhale, I walk to the other side of the bed, my eyes never leaving Emma. Even though she lies there cold and lifeless, she looks somewhat peaceful. The worry for us that creased her brow is gone. The tension lining her lips is smooth.
My knees brush the plush blankets hanging off the side of the bed as I stare down at her. “Hey, Em,” I say, quietly.
Draven doesn’t move from the sound of my voice. When I briefly glance up at him, his eyes are still focused on her hand. I don’t even think he knows I’m here.
Tears start to leak from the corner of my eyes as I go to speak again. “Today, we are honoring Kye’s life.” I sniffle and try to swallow down lump of emotions in my throat. “I wish you were here to say your goodbyes…” A soft sob racks through me and I let my head drop forward, squeezing my eyes shut for a second to clear away the tears.
“I promise I will tell him for you: how much you loved him. But he knew—” I shake my head gently with a small smile. “He knew how much you cared for him, and that he had a special place in your heart.”
I wipe my eyes with my palms. It offers a little comfort to talk to her, hoping she can hear me. I know she’s dead. Anyone would by looking at her, by feeling the lack of her pulse. But when I tried to heal her, I sensed no injuries within her body. Nothing to tell me how she died or why her body remains intact, though it doesn’t pump with life.
“I miss you,” I say in a broken whisper as more tears flood down my cheeks.
It's not fair. When I was laying on the brink of death after the last battle, I was able to heal. To come back to life and live. Except, Emma had gone to the darkness then to save us all. Now, she won’t get the chance to wake up, to see that I’m right here. Her and I… We were a team, and I miss my partner in crime of stealing desserts. Of covering for the other to sneak out and gossiping about boys, even though it was mostly me doing the talking.
Glancing up, I take in the circles under Draven’s eyes that have grown darker. The slow rise of his shoulders with every inhale, as if he’s too tired to breathe. Walking around the bedframe, I stand behind him, gingerly touching my palms to his back. I open the gates to my power and let it pour into him, hoping to ease the ache of exhaustion from his body and cure the hunger pains I’m sure are twisting inside him.
Draven doesn’t budge, but his breathing does steady out to a normal pace. Pulling my hands away, I step back. My heart beats painfully at the sight as I give one final glance at the two of them before making my way to find Fynn.
