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“No,” I told him. I squeezed his hand for emphasis. “I am fine. We can go.”
“We will go ahead,” Fiona said. “Kieran, you should help Jasmine and ensure she is well enough to come downstairs. We will go ahead and order food, so you will not have to wait too long.”
She smiled at me behind her brother. I nodded.
Brigid, Dearen, and Fiona left the room. Kieran remained beside the bed.
“Is Qai well?” I asked him as soon as the door was closed.
“He is,” he replied. “Are you?”
“I am,” I said. My hand was still in his, and I tried to straighten in bed without pulling it away.
Kieran moved. He got up, helped me sit up, and then he sat on the bed.
“I was afraid,” he said.
His gaze was locked on me. I could not look away.
“I know,” I told him. “I was too. I don’t remember what I did, but...”
“You did nothing,” Kieran said.
He looked away for a second, and I knew he was lying. I did not have to close my eyes to search inside of him. My healing magic guided me as soon as the question was in my mind.
“Are you hurt?” I asked. He was. I did not have to hear his response to sense the wound on his chest. It was closing, but it was too slow.
The shape of it was like a clue. It was all me. I’d done this to him.
Kieran released my hand.
“Did I do that?” I asked, bringing my hand up to his chest. My mind felt fuzzy. It had finally happened. I'd hurt him.
“No,” Kieran replied. “It wasn’t you.”
“It was me,” I said. “I was the monster.”
Before he could deny it, the truth flashed in my mind. I saw myself, clawing Kieran’s chest. I roared. The smell of blood was luring.
“I remember,” I told him as I felt a tear sliding down my cheek.
No. This couldn’t happen. How could I have stood there, feeling joy and hunger as his blood poured? The look on his face flashed in my memory. It wasn’t anger or hate. It was...
“Let me heal it,” I whispered.
“No,” Kieran said. He pushed my hand away gently. “You need to heal yourself first. You are not well enough to...”
“Kieran,” I met his gaze. “Please... I cannot live knowing I’ve hurt you. I...”
“Jasmine,” he said. “It wasn’t you.”
“I am a monster,” I said. “I hurt you.”
“No,” he repeated. “You didn’t.”
He was lying. My hands trembled as I clutched the sheet underneath me. I felt helpless. Helpless that I’d done something to Kieran, and wasn’t allowed to fix it.
“I told you,” I said. “I am tainted. You should stay away from me. I might turn again. I might push Cari away and...”
