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I remembered the soldiers taking her away.
I remembered how afraid she had been.
Suddenly, all the memories I’d witnessed came together. The rivers gushing in blood... The monsters, were afraid and running from something even before they were monsters.
“What did she do to them?” I asked, knowing full well what her answer would be.
Without realizing it, I had taken a step forward toward Amarra.
“She killed most,” Amarra said. “And the rest...”
“She turned to monsters,” I finished her sentence. “All of them?”
“Not all,” she said. “At first, she killed them. It was the reason why the War of The Realms started. The King of the Unseelie, the one before King Duncan, did not appreciate the double fae being killed, so he waged war.”
“But then she won,” I said. “And started the trials.”
“That she did,” Amarra replied. “She won because she figured out a way to create her monsters.”
“And you knew about all of this?” I asked. “You knew and you still worked for her?”
“I didn’t know,” Amarra replied. “I did not know that she was the one creating the monsters, not at the time. I just knew that she hated the double fae. And that she would kill you if she knew you existed.”
“So what?” I asked. “You just couldn’t leave your life behind to raise me in the in-between realms?”
I did not like that I sounded hurt. I did not know this woman. It shouldn’t have mattered if she had decided that I wasn’t worth a hard life.
“Before I had left for Qam, the queen had transformed me,” Amarra started. I did not know how that answered my question, but I held my tongue and listened. “It was for a simple reason. She didn’t want her spies to bear children, especially since those children would likely be double fae.”
“She has healing,” Amarra continued. “So she reached within me and did something. At the time, she told me it would keep me from getting pregnant and I believed her.”
“Was it a lie?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “I was barren. And I would be until I returned to the queen so that she could fix it. But the queen had not planned for Tynan.”
I understood.
“He was a healer,” I said. “Did he heal you on purpose?”
Amarra shook her head. “No, I think it was his nature. Unlike the queen, he only used his power to heal. He did not know how to twist. He healed me, without knowing, and then, you came.”
“So?” I asked. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m getting to it,” she said. “After I realized I was pregnant, I left Qam and went to the in-between. I lived there for a few months before they found me.”
“Found you how?” I asked.
“It was the queen’s touch,” she said, tears appearing in her eyes but not falling to her cheeks as she went on. “She had claimed she was only turning me barren to keep me from bearing children, but she had done something else. She did the thing she always did with all the monsters. She turned me into a monster too. Not completely but only a bit so that her mind magicker could reach into me, like they could with all the monsters.”
Cari had done that to me. She had given me the monstrosity to be able to connect our minds even through great distances. She could even control me at times, keeping me from saying things to my friends or doing things against her wishes.
Cari did not have the talent herself. I hadn’t noticed it at the time, but it was the queen who had given me the monstrosity so that they could keep tabs on me.
When I nodded, Amarra seemed surprised.
“You saw it in the monsters?” she asked.
“I did,” I said. “I also experienced it myself.”
