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“I was plannin’ on it, but Tank and the triplets are in there with her. I’m givin’ them time to do what they do,” I answer him as one of the club girls brings me over a cup of coffee. “Thank you.”
“There’s no reason you can’t be in there with them. I’ve been in there with them. It’s not awkward or anythin’. Tank tells her about things in their family and the triplets talk about what it was like growin’ up in the club. Zoey has even called when Tank’s been in there and talked to Autumn. I think they’re plannin’ on Zoey comin’ down to meet her and spend some time here. So, what’s really goin’ on? Things are changin’ and you’re holdin’ back,” Brick says, staring me down as I look in my coffee cup.
“Look, the situation has changed. You and Autumn have to figure shit out because of the baby. Your son or daughter is the most important part of this equation. So, I’m backin’ off so the two of you can figure out what you’re gonna do movin’ forward. If you wanna be in a relationship with her, go for it. If the two of you decide to only co-parent, that’s good too. I’m not gonna be in the way while you work out what needs to happen movin’ forward. The only two parents this baby has are you and Autumn. None of the decisions regardin’ the baby have anythin’ to do with me. So, I’m steppin’ back and lettin’ you two figure things out,” I tell Brick even though it feels as if my heart is breaking.
I might have been a complete twatwaffle to Autumn, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel something for her. I’ve been intrigued and pulled to her since the second I saw her standing in the garage the day her car was towed in by Brick. No matter how I’ve acted toward her, I have always wanted Autumn more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life. I can’t explain how I feel about her to anyone because I’ve never felt this way. So, I keep my mouth shut and try to figure shit out on my own.
“Ghost, you know that shit’s a fuckin’ lie. When you and I started sharin’ girls, we talked about the possibility of sharin’ one permanently. Even if I didn’t make her my ol’ lady, the thought was there that it would always be the two of us and one woman. Yeah, I’m startin’ to change my mind about that now. Not because of the baby, but because this situation with Autumn’s mother has shown me that it doesn’t matter if we’re in the middle of some shit as a club, or we’re tryin’ to help someone out. There’s always a chance for the women in our lives to be attacked and there’s not necessarily anythin’ we can do to stop it. Autumn was fuckin’ attacked by her own mother in the club’s garage. All of you were feet away from her and she still got hurt. None of us could’ve changed what happened. The only thing we can do movin’ forward is try to take more precautions and be better,” Brick tells me, his voice almost a whisper as a few guys come in the common room and take seats at other tables.
“Brick, you’re still not gettin’ it. Yes, we talked about sharin’ a woman in some form, but the reality of the situation is we’ve been complete assholes to Autumn. She’s carryin’ your baby and figurin’ out what happens for him or her is more important than you and I sharin’ a woman. We don’t even know if that’s somethin’ Autumn is open to. Yeah, it’s fun sharin’ a woman with you when we’re in bed and Autumn seemed to really like what happened between the three of us. However, doin’ that long term is a completely different situation and one she may not want to be in. So, once you guys have things worked out, then I’ll talk to her and figure out how we move forward as friends. Maybe down the road things can change, but for now, the baby is the only important part of this entire situation. So, go work your shit out and make sure she knows exactly why you’ve acted the way you have so you can start to heal the hurt,” I tell my best friend as I take a long sip of my coffee.
It burns going down and I should’ve waited to take such a big sip, but I relish the burn as it slides down my throat and settles into my stomach. Brick shakes his head at me and I know he’s about to lose his shit.
“Ghost, you’re pullin’ the same shit we all just got called out for. Yes, we’ve both been complete fuckers to Autumn. She’s not fuckin’ stupid and will realize you got shit goin’ on that involves her. So, we’re gonna both go in that room and have the talk we need to have so we can all start to repair the damage we did. Then, we’re gonna grovel and do anythin’ we can to make sure we assure Autumn that we’ll have her back and not let anythin’ like this shit ever happen again. Get the fuck up and let’s go,” Brick orders me as he stands from the table, his voice carrying as others turn in our direction to find out what’s going on.
The timing is perfect because my dad and Steel enter the common room as Brick finishes speaking. They stop and look at us, trying to figure out what’s going on. My dad glares at me because he knows something’s been going through my mind and I haven’t talked to him, or anyone, about it. So, taking a deep breath, I stand and leave my coffee cup on the table before following Brick toward Autumn’s room. He knocks on her door when we get there and we wait for someone to let us in. Hawkeye opens the door and steps back so we can move in next to him.
Autumn is in her bed, a ton of pillows behind her back and the covers pulled up almost to her chin as she relaxes in bed. Tank turns his attention on the two of us with a glare. I know he wants to say something, but after a minute he stands from his chair and leans over to press a kiss against the top of Autumn’s head. He makes a motion with his head and the triplets follow him to the door of her room.
“If I hear that you two fuckin’ hurt her anymore, I’ll gut you both where you stand. Work this shit out and fix the damage and chaos you created. If not, she’s leavin’ here today. I’m takin’ her home with me and no one in Clifton Falls will let you fuckin’ get close to her. Unlike what you’ve all been doin’ down here, we protect those we care about. We don’t treat them like shit. So, figure out what you truly want or tell her goodbye now so we can head out,” Tank orders us, his voice lethal which lets us know how serious he’s being right now.
“We got this, Tank. Today is all about puttin’ the truth out there and startin’ to fix the damage we’ve done,” Brick assures him just as Tank leaves the room. “How are you feelin’ today, Autumn?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a bus. The pain’s a little better than yesterday, but it’s still there. My head is killing me, but I’ve already had something for the pain and I’m just waiting for it to kick in. However, we need to have this conversation and there’s no better time than now when I’m supposed to be resting. So, I guess we should probably figure things out,” she answers him, her fingers fiddling with the edges of her blanket in a nervous gesture as she keeps her eyes on the bed instead of looking at either one of us.
Brick sits down on the edge of her bed while I make my way over to the chair Tank was sitting in. My best friend shakes his head at me as he grabs Autumn’s hand on the arm that’s not fucked up. She looks at him with questions filling her eyes and I can’t really blame her. Brick has had some kind of physical contact with her since we were in the hospital room with her. I’d love to be in his spot, but we’re not there yet. I’m not sure if we’ll get back there anytime soon either.
“So, I’m gonna tell you up front that I’ve never wanted an ol’ lady or family of my own. Growin’ up in the club, you see a large target get painted on the back of the women because of the men they love and the kids are no different. I didn’t want to bring a woman and kids into that type of situation knowin’ I might not be there when I’m needed the most. Anythin’ can happen and with everythin’ we’ve recently had goin’ on, it only seemed to reinforce that point to me. Especially since most of the shit that happened involved my sister. I about lost my mind knowin’ some asshole was gunnin’ for her. I couldn’t imagine how I would act if it were a woman I loved with my whole heart or a child I would die to protect. I’m that way with the kids already in the club so I can’t imagine how I’d be if the child was mine.
“Anyway, from the second I saw you, I knew you were different. You captivated me and I wanted to get to know you. I wanted to spend time with you for more than sex. I’ve never felt that way about a woman. Especially one I’ve just met. So, instead of lettin’ myself explain anythin’ to you or tryin’ to get close, I pushed you away in the only way I knew would work. I treated you like shit and unfortunately, it had a rundown effect on others in the club. I’ve been hot and cold with you and I’m sure confused you more than anythin’ else. This is me steppin’ the fuck up and apologizin’ for everythin’ I’ve done since you got here. You didn’t deserve it and I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m serious about fixin’ what I broke.
“It takes a lot for me to trust anyone who’s not part of the club. There’s no specific reason for my lack of trust, I’ve just always been like this. Most of the people here, I grew up with. Our parents are in the club and we spent a ton of time together. There’s another club, the Phantom Bastards MC, that we also spent a lot of time with when we were growin’ up. Those men and women I trust completely. They were brought up the same way I was and know the meanin’ of bein’ loyal, tellin’ the truth, and all that shit. So, when I found out you lied about havin’ access to your phone, I lost my shit. It made me wonder what else you lied about and what you were hidin’ from us. So many questions ran through my mind and instead of simply askin’ them, I let the anger I felt at bein’ lied to overrule everythin’ else. It’s somethin’ I have to work on and I will. For now, I want to focus on repairin’ the damage I’ve done and tryin’ to figure out where we move goin’ forward,” Brick tells her, his voice filled with emotion as he holds her hand and stares at her so she can see the sincerity of his words.
“Brick, you said some pretty hurtful things when you found out I’m pregnant. I think that hurt me more than anything else. My mother didn’t tell me anything when I was growing up. I didn’t know there was a possibility that the antibiotics I’d been taking would interfere with my birth control. If I did, I would’ve made sure we used condoms that day. I’d never purposely get pregnant to trap someone or force them to be with me because I’m having a baby. I completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with your son or daughter. I’m more than capable of raising a child on my own. The only thing I’m going to demand is that when it comes to this baby, you’re either all in or all out. I won’t have my baby see you when it’s convenient and then you disappear until you remember you have a child again. I’d rather you simply disappear from the beginning if that’s what’s going to happen. And there’s no reason we have to be together just because I’m pregnant,” Autumn says, every emotion she’s feeling showing on her face.
She feels guilty, afraid, confused, and ready to run. Autumn finishes speaking and turns her attention to me. I honestly don’t know what to say here.
“Autumn, like Brick, you captured my attention from the second I saw you in the garage. I’ve never said I didn’t want an ol’ lady or family of my own. In fact, I crave havin’ someone to come home to and a houseful of kids. It’s what I’ve always wanted. Despite Brick and I wantin’ different things, we still started and continued to share women. I always hoped when we met someone we both wanted bad enough, Brick would decide havin’ an ol’ lady and family is somethin’ he could handle havin’. That it was somethin’ he really wanted no matter what he told himself. Instead, of tryin’ to get to know you and earnin’ your trust, I fucked up every single time it mattered. I pushed you away and ignored you. Everyone here should’ve shown you we had your back and did whatever we had to do to get to know you.
“I’m not good with words or any of that shit. Brick is the one with the smooth words and shit. What I know now is that I’m gonna step back and let the two of you figure out what happens movin’ forward. I truly apologize for everythin’ I’ve done to hurt you and hope that you can forgive me. I’ll be here for you no matter what, but the baby is important and I’m not part of that equation. All of those decisions belong to you and Brick. If you need anythin’ let me know and I’ll do what I can. Brick is my best friend and you’re really important to him. Not just because of the baby, but because of who you are in general.
“Autumn, you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met in my life. You’re stronger than you know after survivin’ everythin’ your mother has done to you. You are so fuckin’ gorgeous I can’t breathe right when you’re close to me. And you have a heart of gold. I have a feelin’ once you truly let someone in and open up fully, they’re the luckiest fucker in the world because you’ll be so fuckin’ lovin’ and give them the damn world if that’s what they want. Just so you can see them happy. You put everyone’s happiness above your own and not many people do that shit these days. I’m sorry I haven’t told you all this shit before because it’s truly what I see and feel when I look at you. If you’ll excuse me. I’ll let you and Brick talk and figure out the future,” I say, standing from my chair and starting to move toward the door of her room.
“Ghost, you’re really just gonna run?” Autumn questions me, her voice stopping me in my tracks. “I thought you and Brick were all about sharing?”
“We were. You know that from personal experience,” I tell her without turning to look at her.
“Then where are you going? This baby could just as easily have been yours if things were slightly different that day. And based on the look covering Brick’s face right now, he wants you to stay and figure this out with us. Neither one of us wants you to leave or feel as if you don’t have a right to be here. Every single one of us fucked up since I got here and it’s going to take all of us to make it right. So, sit back down so we can talk. I’ve got something to say and you both need to hear me,” she says, her voice getting stronger with each word she speaks. It’s the most confident I’ve ever heard her and it’s amazing to hear her standing up for herself.
Turning around, I head back over and take my seat by the side of her bed again. Autumn waits until I’m leaning closer to her before she begins speaking once again.
“What just happened with my mother has shown me one thing. We don’t know how much time we have here. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. I literally could have lost my life in a matter of seconds if I had hit my head in a different angle or any harder than what I did. I could’ve lost the baby too. I did everything I could to protect my stomach and take the least amount of hits to that area of my body, but it still could’ve happened. So, I decided that I didn’t want to hold onto the anger or hurt of what’s been done by the two of you and others here. I want to be open and honest so we can all begin to heal and get past what’s been done. It’s in the past and holding onto everything is only going to result in everyone reliving this shit on a daily basis. That’s not healthy and I don’t want any part of it.
“While it’s going to take me some time to get over things, I’m willing to try. I want to open up and share things with the two of you. Yes, I want both of you. I always have since the second I met you. I hid that shit deep down because of my past and the way I’ve been treated. When you’re told your entire life how worthless you are and that no one will ever want you, you start to believe it. Anyway, I want to move forward with both of you. Get to know one another, talk, be completely open and honest, and start building up the trust and a solid relationship. I’m not looking to move fast as hell or anything else. It’s going to take time for us to truly get to know one another and build that solid foundation,” she says, looking between Brick and me.
“I can understand that. We spend time together on a daily basis, talk, get to know one another, and we’ll be there for every doctor appointment and everythin’ when it comes to the baby. When it comes to sex and that type of shit, we take things slow and hold off until we’re all ready. Ghost and I will take you on dates and things like that. We can do things with all three of us or one-on-one. It all depends on what’s goin’ on that day and shit. Is that what you’re talkin’ about?” Brick asks her, leaning closer to her.
“Yeah. I’m going to be out in the common room more and get to know everyone. For now, I want to focus on the two of you and us building something because we do have a baby to think about. And, at the end of the day, if we decide to only be friends, then that’s where we stay and learn how to co-parent in a healthy way. I can honestly say that I won’t be able to watch either one of you with another female, so I wouldn’t stay here at the clubhouse if we only decided to be friends. But, I wouldn’t keep the baby from you either. And we’d have to set rules for anyone else being around the baby if we were to remain friends and nothing more,” she says, having thought about our situation from every aspect it seems.
