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I considered her words. In a way it made sense.
"So, my question to you is, can you do that? Can we just keep it simple and see how things turn out without it turning ugly?"
I nodded.
I could do that. In fact, it would work out better than you know.
"And what about your boyfriend? Where does he fit into all this?"
She smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I wondered when you were going to ask about him. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have one. I can't remember him, and as nice as he is, I couldn't bring myself to kiss a stranger. So, rather than force myself to like him, I told him we should have a break and see how things go. If I really loved him, I'd find my way back to him."
Seems fair enough.
"Now it's your turn. Tell me why you can't have a relationship."
I groaned inwardly. I knew that if anything serious were to eventuate between myself and Catalina, then I would have to tell her eventually. And if my feelings were any indication, I was in real danger of entering that territory.
The more I got to know her, the real her, she simply amazed me. Smart, witty, beautiful, and all bundled in a cute package that rode motorcycles. I could see ourselves in the future, riding together, not a care in the world, just us and the open road, wind in our hair and a sunset giving promises of tomorrow.
Where to begin?
"There's something wrong with me." Catalina remained silent. The slightest raise of a perfect brow the only indication she'd heard what I said. "Mentally, that is. I've had a handful of relationships in the past that never lasted long. They all ended terribly."
"How do you know it was your fault?"
I smirked, "Oh, it's quite obvious. You could say that I can get quite…" I struggled to frame the words, so I didn't come off as a total nutcase. Not that I could hide it.
"Quite what, Nico?"
"Aggressive."
She frowned, "Like Luca aggressive?"
I shook my head. "No. I'm worse. I have a tendency to… to hurt women. Like really hurt them."
I expected her to look shocked, but when I raised my eyes to hers, she just looked at me with something like sadness in her eyes.
"Help me to understand, Nico. You beat up women? I haven't seen that side of you. You are around women all the time and you haven't done anything."
"No. Not just any woman. Women I sleep with. Something happens to me when I feel anything like pleasure. I snap and get the urge to act out. In that moment, I become unhinged and want to cause pain to whoever it is that is causing me to feel that way."
She stared at me, clearly confused. "But what about when I gave you head? You seemed okay then. You didn't hurt me, and you clearly enjoyed it."
I raked both hands through my hair, she was right of course.
"You had two things on your side that night. First, I couldn't physically move. I didn't have enough strength to even hold your head in place. Secondly, Luca was there."
"What's he got to do with anything?"
"Even if I did have the strength to hurt you, Luca would have stopped me."
"He knows of your problem?"
I nodded, "Yeah. He's helping me work through it."
"How?"
I held up my hands, "Look, let's not get into it, okay. Let's just leave it at that."
