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“I’m not afraid.”
“Oh, yes, you are,” he countered. “You’re terrified, and nowthat I’m thinking about what your mom said, I might have a long conversationwith her. I’ll handle Jayce on Friday. You can do whatever you like as long asyou take a guard with you.”
Her head shook. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Knowing I’mout on a date and I can’t really do anything because I’ve got someone watchingmy every move? Is that your plan? Are you going to keep a guard on me until Idecide to give you whatever you want?”
Maybe he’d been wrong and there was already a shit ton ofanger in there. What the hell had they talked about? “Nope. The minute Zachsays it’s safe, you’re an independent woman again. How about I find you a womanbodyguard who’ll high five you when you screw your date for the evening?”
Her eyes flared, and he realized he’d made a huge mistake.“You want to slut shame me, Romeo?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never once done that to you, but Ithink you’ve done it to me. You know I’ve probably slept with as many women asyou have men. Meaning two, Lou. I know I’ve dated, but I’ve only had sex withtwo of them. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t capable of cutting that part ofmyself off. If it helps, every single person who knows the two of us thinks I’msome kind of player, fucking every girl I see with the exception of the sweetone who loves me.”
“I never told anyone that.”
“But you didn’t defend me, did you?” He didn’t want to dothis. “Lou, I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.”
“What if I do?” Lou asked between clenched teeth. “You knowwhat else we never do, TJ? Besides have actual sex, we never fight. Because Ialways back down and you always know that I’ll fall in line.”
“Fall in line?” He breathed out a long sigh because hisheart ached. “I can’t do this with you. We don’t fight because the last thing Iwant to do is hurt you, and it feels like me being around is hurting you. Ididn’t mean to do that. I know you don’t believe me, but I love you. I love youso fucking much, and I’m going to prove it by doing the only thing I can do.”
Her arms crossed over her chest as she watched him with waryeyes. “What’s that? What can you possibly do that would make things better forme?”
His heart ached. “Leave, baby. I thought I could push myuncle to let me on the team and play a long game to convince you to take achance on us, but if this is what me being close does to you, it’s time for usto call it.”
Her face flushed. “One fight? I get mad once and you’rewalking out? Yeah. It’s time for us to call it.”
She turned and went back to her computer.
He stood there, utterly at a loss. TJ took a long breath,letting the last few minutes sink in.
She was afraid and she was pushing boundaries, and he’d donethe one thing he shouldn’t have. He’d given in. He’d been so determined not topush her that he hadn’t realized she might need to push him. She might need toshove against him to see if he would crack.
She didn’t need him to be a freaking martyr in this moment.She needed him to be her Dom.
“Louisa, I told you to take off your fucking clothes. If youaren’t naked in one minute, we’ll move straight to the spanking.”
She turned, her eyes wide. “What? You said we’re over. Youdon’t get to spank me.”
He needed to make something plain to her. “I had a moment ofweakness, but Lou, you need to understand that it will never be over betweenus. If you shove me out, I’ll be waiting for you to come home to me, and itwon’t matter who you’ve been with or what you’ve done. I will be standing thereand I’ll greet you with open arms and I’ll spend whatever time we have leftloving you. If you don’t, I’ll spend that time missing you, wishing you werehere with me. You do not have to make a decision today. You can take what Igive you and find comfort in it and go right back to being mad at me. You candate whoever you want to date, and I will be waiting. So take off your clothesor say your safe word and I’ll go sit on the couch until you’re ready to gohome.”
Her jaw was a stubborn line. “What if I don’t want you in myhouse?”
“Then I’ll sit outside in the rain the same way I did when wewere seventeen and you wouldn’t go to prom with me.”
They stood there for a moment, staring at each other, thedistance mere feet, but it felt like miles to TJ. It felt like there was amountain between them, but he suddenly knew he was going to climb it. “I’mhuman, Lou. You think you’re afraid I’ll leave. I’m afraid you’ll figure outI’m not worthy of you. But I’m done being afraid. You might change your mindsomeday, but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you never regretbeing with me and yes, that means when you’re ready marrying me. Living withme. Having kids with me, if you want them. Having a bunch of overly anxiousdogs with me. Growing old with me. I’ll do anything to make that happen, butright now all that matters is the next hour. Let me take all that worry away.Let me top you.”
When her hands when to the hem of her shirt, he knew hestill had a shot.
ChapterSixteen
Lou wasn’t even sure what she was doing, but she pulled hershirt over her head and let it fall to the floor.
Every word her mother had said, Kala had said…fuck, everyoneover the last twelve years of her life had said about her and TJ was rollingthrough her system. It had always been so simple. She loved TJ and he couldn’tlove her back, and everyone knew the universe had somehow wronged her.Unrequited love. She was its victim.
But her mother was forcing her to reframe those years, tolook at them through a different filter, one where she wasn’t innocent. Onewhere she did let the people around her make assumptions about TJ that weren’ttrue.
She couldn’t face that right now any more than she couldface the idea that this would be over soon.
She was stuck between wanting to believe him and still beingthat girl who saw the world as a knife’s edge she had to walk or everythingwould fall apart. It was all still there despite the fact that she’d hadbeautiful stability for half her life now. Those first years had indeliblymarked her, and if she couldn’t get over them, she might lose the best thingthat ever happened to her.
