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“It’s not enough and you know it, but I can’t make you seethat Cooper isn’t the boy he used to be. He isn’t the one who hurt you.”
“Oh, that boy is in there.” Kala shook her head and satback, staring out the window into the darkness. “He’ll always be there. He’s goingthrough a phase. Cooper McKay is always going to want a white picket fence anda wife who fits in with his friends.”
Lou didn’t understand. “You do fit in with his friends.”
“The ones he has now, but that will change. And you shouldunderstand this. Otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting on my cousin’s lap againmaking my father nauseous.”
Was it that different? TJ had never rejected her the wayCooper had rejected Kala, though she only knew bits and pieces of what hadhappened that night. Before that night it had been a thousand little things, butafter, Kala had closed off a piece of herself, the part only Cooper ever got tosee. “TJ hasn’t changed. He’s always been TJ.”
“And he’s always loved you.” Kala let her head rest againstthe window. “Shouldn’t you have this convo with Kenz? Or Tash?”
“Kenzie and Tasha aren’t my best friend. I love them, butthey’re not you.”
Kala grimaced and sat back up. “Fine. You want to know whatI think?”
She wasn’t sure. Kala could think some really shitty things.
Kala blew past her hesitation. “TJ has always loved you, buthe didn’t think he was worthy of you.”
“Try again.”
“No, that’s real,” Kala insisted. “You have no idea theconversations he’s had with me and Luke and Seth. Probably his sister, but shewould never tell. His sister loves you but she’s one hundred percent team TJ,and that should tell you something.”
“I never said TJ wasn’t a great guy. I’m saying he’s not myguy.”
Kala sighed. “He’s always been your guy, Lou. That’s theproblem. Okay, how about we get really fucking honest. This is my opinion andnot something I’ve talked to either you or TJ about. You were great friends. IfI’m honest, he was sometimes a way better friend to you than I was. I can beselfish and possessive when it comes to you because I sometimes think you’rethe only person in the world who gets me.”
She wasn’t. Lou thought Cooper got Kala just fine, but Kalacouldn’t get over whatever had happened between them that night when she’dgotten kidnapped as a teen. They’d gotten back to being friends but never tothe caring they’d had when they were kids. “You were and are a great friend.”
“I’m not sure about that, but I’m going to do things rightnow. You should know I never would have tried to stop you from having arelationship with my cousin,” Kala admitted. “Never. When we were younger, Iwanted you two together because that bound you to my family more. But it wouldn’thave worked because you weren’t ready.”
“I wasn’t ready? Don’t you mean he wasn’t ready?”
“No. I think you probably could have pushed him and made himready when he was younger.”
Lou was confused. “You don’t think I tried.”
“I don’t think you tried hard enough. I don’t think you flatout told him you needed more from him or you would walk away because it was toopainful to simply be friends with him. I think you were willing to live a half life with him rather than risk the relationship tohave what you both needed.”
“So you think at sixteen or seventeen I should have walkedaway from one of the best relationships of my life?” Lou asked.
“No. I think you weren’t ready. You were so freaking young.Both of you. I know you think if he’d seen you back then, really seen you, thateverything would have fallen into place, but I think it would have fallen apartand he would be your childhood sweetheart. You would always have had feelingsfor him, but you would have moved on.” She turned thoughtful. “Actually, putlike that, maybe you should have. You could be totally over him and we couldrule the club scene. We could run through some dicks, sister.”
That was pure bravado on Kala’s part. Kala didn’t date. Incollege she’d had a couple of relationships that had ended with Lou talking herdown from murder. She’d definitely had some men she’d slept with, but even thathad dried up in the last couple of years.
Because then she’d been with Cooper all the time, working orat the club. She talked about cutting him out of her life, but the last fewyears had simply drawn them closer together.
“Think about it. We could take some leave, hit the Britishpub scene,” Kala mused. “Or Italy. Maybe someplace tropical. We could runthrough all the hot tourists.”
“I think I’ll pass.” She wasn’t sure why, but thisconversation bugged her. “This isn’t about sex.”
Kala’s head shook. “But it is, and the last twelve hoursshould have proven that to you. I know it proved it to TJ. He’s never viewedyou as his physical equal. He’s seen you as sweet and fragile, and the truth ofthe matter is you never viewed him as your mental equal. He was a cuddle bug toyou. Cute and happy and he made you feel good. It was puppy love. What happenedtoday was full-on adult dog something.”
She had a way with words. “It was sex. It wasn’t all thatimportant. We both got emotional.”
Kala obviously wasn’t having it. “I could buy that the firsttime. Explain the conference room to me.”
“That was… I don’t know. I guess I hate the fact that no onethinks I’m a physical being. Everyone assumed TJ had made me do something andnot that I took hold of his head and forced him to…do that.” It still rankled.
