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“I’m a soldier,” he pointed out. “You’re an analyst andtechnical expert.”
She was more than that, and he needed to understand. “Yes,and I make things that we use to spy on other countries with. The crap that’sin my head is valuable. I know how we operate, how everything functions, and Iknow what innovations I’m working on. Your uncle wouldn’t let me on the teamwithout the training. Same with Tash. Her last name alone makes her valuable. Ididn’t love that period of my life, but I did find it oddly freeing. I’mtougher than I look, tougher than I thought I would be. It made me realize Idid spend way too much time in my head. My body is strong, too. My body can beused to help my team. I still work out. Kala and I spar from time to time,though I know she takes it easy on me. If I let my physical training go, youruncle would have my hide.”
“My uncle needs to remember who you are and what you do.”
She sighed, tired again. She didn’t want to argue with him.“But he does. You’re the one who doesn’t. Did I prove that to you yesterday?”
“I’m always going to want to wrap you up and protect you,but yes, you did. You were magnificent, Lou. You were…” He grinned. “You werehot, baby.”
She flushed. “I was doing my job. Now I think your back isall right. I don’t see any open wounds. Did Zach dress you down?”
TJ nodded. “Oh, yeah. I’m to keep my mouth off you in thefield.”
Of course he’d gone there. She was sure she was a brightshade of pink. “Yeah, he might have mentioned something like that to me, too,and before you get all worked up, he’s my CO in the field. I think he had to doit because Big Tag has been avoiding me. I have to call my dad tomorrow beforeBig Tag gets to him.”
“He’s not going to talk to your dad,” TJ assured her. “Iknow he acts like an asshole, but he won’t talk about what happened during amission. But if you want to talk to him, I’ll go with you. I’ll explain whathappened and what my intentions are.”
That sounded like the worst idea in the world. “I’ll handlemy parents.”
“You don’t have to.” TJ stood and started to dismantle themound of decorative pillows that Tasha had on the flouncy bed. “My uncle willkeep his mouth shut unless we’re in a meeting. My parents won’t mention it. Ifyou want to give it some time, we can.” He yawned. “We can talk about it, ifyou want. I don’t know how well I’m going to sleep. I fell asleep on the plane,and my mom woke me up because I started punching out. I think I was having anightmare.”
Of course he was. “Was it about what happened in Germany?”
TJ laid back, and she tried hard not to think about how hothe looked. He was her friend and he was hurt, and he didn’t need her tosexualize him. “I was trying to get to you and they kept hitting me withtasers. My body didn’t work, and I watched them take you away from me. I couldn’tdo anything but lay there and shake.”
She reached out and put a hand in his. “I’m fine. I’m righthere and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
That was dangerous, but she knew if she’d asked he wouldn’thave hesitated. If she’d been hurt and afraid, he would hold her all nightlong. Tasha had told her to follow her instincts, and every single one of themtold her to grant TJ his request. She stood and turned off the overhead light.“I’ll stay until you fall asleep, and then I’ll be right next door if you needme.”
TJ got under the covers, taking the side of the bed closestto the door. “I don’t know if I can sleep with you just sitting there. Maybeyou could get in for a little while. Like we used to.”
Used to? It hadn’t been more than a couple months since thelast time she’d fallen asleep next to TJ. They often stayed up super late whenhe came home on leave, and they talked until the wee hours of the morning andhe fell asleep on her bed. She sometimes woke up cuddled against him.
She pretended they were together and that his arms aroundher meant something.
Would it mean something now?
“Sure.” She was going to be letting the man spank her ass.She could lie next to him in a bed. She was already in her PJs, so she would becomfortable until she could sneak back to her own room. Lou climbed in next tohim, keeping some space between them. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I’ll make sure of it. I won’t… I’m not going to hurt youever again, Lou. Even if you never want me the way I want you. You shouldunderstand that while you’re dating, I’m not going to see anyone else. I’mgoing to concentrate on being your friend and your temporary Dom,” he said, hisvoice low in the darkness.
“TJ,” she began.
He rolled her way, and his head was suddenly nestled againsther shoulder. “I just wanted to put it out there.”
They were quiet for a moment.
“I think there was someone else, someone in the background,”he said quietly. “I know I mentioned him before, but I can’t get it out of myhead. He wasn’t speaking German, but I couldn’t quite catch enough to know whatlanguage it was.”
“Don’t think about it right now.” She shifted so her headwas against his, the intimacy reminding her of her childhood and how he wouldhold her when she was scared.
But there was something more to it now, something beyondinnocent comfort. There was need and…there was something right about lyingthere.
His breathing became even, and one arm went around herwaist.
She would give him a couple of minutes and then ease away.
