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She pushed her chair back because she wasn’t listening tothis. “You don’t have to worry about our friendship. I think you just killedit.”
He was on her before she could reach the door. “And you justproved everything I was afraid of. You proved I was right. The first time I dosomething that you’re not happy with, you want to walk away.”
“I assure you it’s not the first time, but it is going to bethe last.”
“Years, Lou. Over a decade of being friends and you want tothrow it all away because I hurt your feelings? I love you,” TJ said in anaching tone. “I can adore you on every level, but I’m human. I’m still going tohurt you. If we’d gotten together as kids, you would have been waiting for meto leave. It would have eaten you up because worrying is what you do, and itwould have been a self-fulfilling prophecy and then we wouldn’t be here.”
What he was saying wasn’t exactly untrue. She remembered howinsecure she’d been during those years. She’d tried to hide it, but she’d beenwaiting for everything to fall apart. It was kind of what she did. Years andyears of watching her mom walk a knife’s edge first with her bio dad, and laterwith his micromanaging parents. Boomer Ward had given them stability and love,but it was hard to forget the lessons those early years had taught her. “Andyou don’t think I would worry now?”
He moved in, forcing her to back up until she was againstthe wall. “I know how to handle you now. I know how to make you stop thinkingand focus on what’s real.”
Her heart rate ticked up because he was so close she couldfeel the heat coming off him. “Sex. You’re talking about sex.”
He stared down at her, every brush of his body a reminder ofwhat had happened between them before. And a reminder that the act had beenincomplete. “Yeah, baby, but it’s more than sex. I’m talking about focusing onyou and me. I’m talking about shutting out the rest of the world and building aplace that’s just for us.”
She wanted that world, had felt it when they were kids. Fora couple of years there hadn’t been anything but a weird friendship betweenthem that everyone chalked up to Lou being in puppy love and TJ being a niceguy. Because no one would believe he could want the odd, awkward girl. Shehadn’t even hoped for more until she was sixteen and tried to kiss him for thefirst time.
It hadn’t been her ego he’d crushed. It had been her soul,but she’d gone back to being his friend after a few weeks of sulking.
Was she destined to forever be the sulky kid to hisall-American hero?
He ran a hand down her arm. “And what’s real is us. Butwe’re not going to be some perfect thing. We’re not going to be the vision youhave of your mom and dad. I know they seem perfect, but that’s because theykeep their problems private like most of our parents do. Because marriage isintimate. It’s not splashed across the world for everyone to see. I didn’t knowmy parents struggled in the beginning until years later. My father pushed heraway, but they got through it because she believed.”
She’d heard the stories about his parents. Erin had thoughtTheo was dead only to find him again, but he’d lost all his memories of her. Itwas an epic love story.
She’d had a crush on a boy who couldn’t love her back.Nothing epic about that. And he was wrong. “My parents have never fought. Theyknew they loved each other very quickly. I assure you my dad never once told mymom it wasn’t the right time and they should just be friends.”
If he had, he wouldn’t be her dad because her mom would havehad the self-esteem to walk away. She wouldn’t have waited in the background,hoping someday that man would look her way.
God, she was pathetic.
He finally touched her, hands coming out to cup her cheeksas he forced her to look at him. “There you go. I can see it. I can see thequestions and anxiety rolling through your brain, and it kills me. If I thoughtyou would let me, I would lay you out on that conference table and eat yourpussy until all those questions are gone and you have a smile on your face.I’ve spent years wondering what you would get out of a relationship with me,and I finally figure it out and you won’t let me do the one thing I can do toshow you how well this could work.”
She wanted him to. That was the truly awful part. The minutehe said the words, she felt her whole body go soft and willing. Traitorous. Herbody didn’t care that he wouldn’t stay, that he would go back to work andforget about her and want to be friends when he came back because being awaywould remind him of all the reasons he hadn’t wanted her before.
Maybe she should do it, let him fuck her brains out, and shewould realize it was only sex and not some transcendent experience she wouldvalue for the rest of her life. If she did, if she spent a couple of weeks withhim, maybe she would finally be able to let him go.
She was bargaining. She was at least on step two or three ofAunt Charlotte’s “you’ve been wronged but still want to bang the person whowronged you” psychological cycle.
“It won’t work.”
He leaned over, his mouth so close. “I assure you it willwork. Are you talking about us or sex? Because don’t fool yourself. The sexwill be spectacular, and I am not above using it to keep you. I’m a desperateman, Lou. If giving you a hundred orgasms before I get one is how I lock youdown, I’ll do it.”
“I’m not changing my plans. I’ve got another date scheduledfor two days from now. And I should try to reschedule with Miguel.” But shealso wasn’t pushing him away.
“I’ll need a schedule. I’m your bodyguard. Zach wants us tostick together, so I’ll try to be unobtrusive,” TJ whispered, his lips hoveringover hers.
That sounded awful. “I’ll talk to Zach. I don’t need a…Okay, I need someone for a while, but it shouldn’t be you.”
His body brushed against hers, hard chest against herbreasts. “There’s no one else. I promise I’ll be a good boy, and I won’t eventhreaten your dates. I’ll sit in the back and watch over you. I’ll sit thereand wish it was me you’re flirting with. And if Oliver Knight tries to touchyou again, I’ll handle him.”
“TJ,” she said, but her head tilted up, uncertainty flashingthrough her.
“And if the only place you’ll let me show you my affectionis the club, then so be it. Tell me you’re not planning on reneging on ourdeal.”
She should. She should run. It was stupid, but she couldn’thelp herself. “I told you I would.” Maybe there was a reason it was a cycle.Maybe it worked. If she went into the very compartmentalized sexualrelationship with her eyes wide open and the plan to fuck him out of hersystem, it could work. She wasn’t walking into a trap. She was smart. Everyonetold her. “I’ll be at the club.”
“And then I’ll show you,” he vowed.
