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When she cut off all contact after that final spring break before T.J., Brice, and I graduated, it felt like I’d been cut off at the knees. I’d given her my heart, along with my virginity, when I slept with her. Something that only Brice and T.J. knew since I hadn’t advertised the fact that I was a twenty-two-year-old, top level college football player, who still carried the V card. But it was how I was raised.
As strong Christian conservatives, but without the hypocrisy that is seen by so many, my parents practiced what they believed and instilled those beliefs in myself and my siblings. When succeeding in football became a reality, my father sat me down for a man-to-man talk, telling me it was more important than ever that I adhere to my beliefs. According to him, women would be plentiful and easy which could land me in difficult situations. And once I got to Ohio State, I saw exactly what he’d cautioned me about.
Meeting T.J. and Brice had been a godsend. They understood my moral stance and helped me to uphold it. But when I met and then grew in my friendship with Becca, I decided that I’d finally met the woman of my dreams and gave into the urges of my body.
And while that night had been different than I’d dreamed about while growing up—never dreamed that the first time I’d have sex it would be with another two males also having sex with the same woman—it had been better than I could have imagined.
Although we’d been drinking that night, we’d planned the night out, wanting to show Becca how much she meant to all of us. How we loved her. Never once did we think that she’d do a 180 and run away after. So when she did, it tore my heart out, making me question everything I ever believed.
From keeping my virginity intact for twenty-two years, I became a player overnight, making good use of my time to screw just about anyone. Male. Female. I didn’t care. So long as they took the pain away for a short time, I was willing.
Brice and T.J. watched over me until training camp started, proving that we meant more to each other than just friends. They kept me safe, making sure that my partners couldn’t accuse me of any wrong doing, and ensured that I didn’t run the risk of contracting an STI or getting some woman pregnant. And by the time that training camp started, I was able to exchange sex for working out and training as my method to work Becca out of my system.
It took time, but eventually I regained some sense of balance. I no longer jumped into empty sex because I realized that I felt worse once the deed was done. Nor did I spend all my time training and working out. The trade to Denver really helped as I was able to move in with A.J.—with Brice arriving the following year—which made me feel like I was back with family. Instead of sex or the gym, I filled my time going back to my roots, growing food and choosing to invest my time in meaningful relationships. In the six years since she’d left us, I had two girlfriends, but neither progressed further than some heavy make-out sessions since neither compared to Becca.
Despite the obvious tension, the banter between everyone soon had me feeling like this was something I wanted to experience all the time. Even Becca loosened up and joined in though she kept her comments directed to everyone but us.
At least for most of the time.
“Do you remember your attempt to draw the town gazebo for art class, Becca?” Jason asked while he tried to keep from laughing.
She chucked a baby carrot at him which he caught between his teeth. Peter—another one of the guys we met once we docked—turned and kissed him, taking the carrot from Jason’s mouth. Well, that answered my question as to whether or not Jason, Peter, and Jarrod are together.
“Whatever happened to that picture?” Jason continued after he gave Peter a smouldering look.
Becca chewed on her lip and sent a nervous glance towards us. “Don’t know?”
Suddenly I knew what picture they were talking about. It was something she included in one of her care packages.
“I know,” T.J. teased.
“So do I,” Brice and I added.
Her cheeks turned a delightful shade of pink that had my pants tightening. “Shh.”
“What are you going to give me to keep me quiet,” T.J. continued to taunt her.
She stroked her chin as her eyes twinkled. I sucked in a breath as I watched her. This was the Becca of my dreams, the Becca I remembered. “Well, if you don’t tell, then I won’t have to tell them about the time that you…” She raised her eyebrows.
I didn’t know what she had on him—she probably had lots on all three of us—but she had T.J. backtracking as the others laughed.
“Come on, Becca. Don’t leave us hanging. We want to know the dirt you have on T.J.” Kyle cajoled.
“Nope.” She used her hand to do the whole zipping her lips thing that made me want to follow her fingers with my tongue. “So long as T.J. keeps his peace, I’ll keep mine.” She winked at him.
But as the conversation moved onto other things, I watched the expression on her face fall. Without saying a word, she slipped away from the table and headed into the house.
Knowing this might be my only chance to catch her alone, I followed…
Anger and love were at war within me and I didn’t know which would win out by the time I caught up to her.
Chapter 4
Becca
I walked into Jonathon’s house and headed towards the bathroom. I didn’t need to use it, but it would be my excuse if anyone questioned me.
The interplay between T.J., Brice, Aaron and myself had upset my carefully constructed facade. It felt too reminiscent of how things used to be. Falling for them again would be too easy. It’s not like I ever got over them in the first place. While I hadn’t been a nun for the past six years, I’d been the next best thing, putting my focus and energy into my studies. It was why I’d been able to graduate with both a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Software Engineering with a minor in Business in five years, including multiple co-opts for work experience. And then once the company I currently work for hired me, I put my time and energy into becoming the project lead and then the team lead.
