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In the end though, it didn’t matter because even if I’d known all that at the time, it wouldn’t have changed my mind. I still would have had to let them go.
“A poly relationship? And how would that have gone? You. You. And You.” I pointed to each one in turn. “You were all going to go to different teams in different cities even if the draft hadn’t happened yet. And I was still in Canada with three more years of school left. Just how did you envision that going?” I pulled my hand from T.J.’s. “What would have been different from the reason you said that we shouldn’t date during high school, huh? We still would have all been at different stages in life. In different cities and countries.”
“But we could have talked about it. Made decisions together. Instead, you made the decision for us,” Aaron gently scolded. Or maybe he just said it as a statement of fact, but my guilty conscience accepted the words as if they were pointed arrows. It was true. I did make the decision for them. Something I hated when it was done to me.
“And maybe I’d be wrong and learned my lesson about what I said in high school.” T.J. took my hand in his again. This time he threaded our fingers together, locking them in place.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I may have said those words earlier to them and meant them, but they became a cry from my heart. I’d royally screwed up. Talking with them would have saved so many tears.
“Don’t be sorry.” Brice gripped my chin between his thumb and index finger, turning my head to face his. “We share some of the blame. Maybe if we’d been more upfront with our intentions, telling you how we felt instead of thinking that you knew, you would have come to us.”
“That’s why we’re telling you this time. No more assumptions.” Brice turned my head so I could see Arron as he spoke. “We loved you then and we still love you now.”
T.J. squeezed my fingers, pulling my attention from the powerful gaze that Aaron sucked me into. “We want a second chance. A chance to make things right. A chance for a life with you.”
Their words overwhelmed me, shutting down all my senses as I tried to process. Was this real? Or was I dreaming? How many women got to experience something made of fantasies because that is what this was. The three men who owned my heart, telling me that I owned theirs, that they wanted a life with me. And not just any three men, but men who had their choice of women. It just wasn’t heard of.
At least until recently.
I may not have been a person who followed sports, but even I’d heard of what happened on the Ottawa hockey team. Living in Canada and in Toronto where Ottawa was one of our rivals, it had been big news. One woman captured the hearts of two of their players along with a big-name doctor and the four of them decided to create a family. And if I’d thought the story wasn’t real or exaggerated, I learned on Friday night it wasn’t since one of those players had been Michael’s brother. Then to prove that it wasn’t a one off, Michael’s oldest brother announced to the world that he was in a triad relationship with a woman and a man. Rumours of other long-term poly relationships, both open and closed, began to get noticed and be spoken about in the news.
So the four of us weren’t anything new. But that was a far cry from being accepted. What would the Mitchells think? And Brice’s parents? And Aaron’s? Or my own? What about the rest of the world? It wasn’t like these three were unknown to the press.
And some of the issues from six years ago were still there. While they lived in the same city, playing for the same team, that was right now. It might not last. Any one of them or all of them could be traded at any moment. Then there was the fact that I lived in Toronto, in Canada, while they were in a completely different country. How was that supposed to work?
My chest began to hurt as I struggled to breathe.
“Slow your breathing down, love,” Brice said as he rubbed my back and drew circles on my thigh. “That’s it. In through the nose, two, three, and out through the mouth. Again.”
Slowly, the world righted, and my chest loosened.
“Can you tell me what was going through your mind, red?” Aaron twirled one of the strands of hair that escaped my braid around his index finger. “What had you worrying?”
“Nothing has really changed, has it?”
“What do you mean?” T.J. asked.
“We still live in different countries. You three could get moved to different cities. The press will make fun of us. It’ll affect your careers.” I cut the list off there when I noticed the expressions on their faces dropping. I hated to be the one to talk about real life, but someone had to. This was all a pipe dream. Nothing more.
“We’ll figure it out. Together.” Aaron’s words sounded so sure that he made me want to believe him.
“Other than you being in Toronto and us in Denver, all the rest is just speculation. And haven’t you heard that you should never borrow problems from the future?” Brice beeped my nose.
“That’s right. The most important part is that we’re together. It doesn’t matter if we’re in different cities at first. We’ll figure it out. So long as you are willing to give it a try. I was an idiot in high school. And the minute I got to university I realized it. Not a day went by where I wasn’t kicking myself for not having made you my girlfriend before I left.”
“Not me. I’m happy he didn’t because it meant that I got a shot with you as well.” Brice winked. His smile stretched from ear-to-ear as he broke the tension.
“Ass. If I had, then I wouldn’t have to put up with your sorry ass for the rest of my life,” T.J. told him as he chucked a balled-up napkin, hitting Brice in the face.
“But you love me.” Brice chucked it back.
“True. And I couldn’t imagine my life any different without you and Aaron to share it with.”
I smiled at their exchange. Maybe what they said, the picture they painted could work. There was only one way to find out and that was to try. Was I willing to risk?
Yes.
I knew what life was like without them and I knew what it was like with them. It was time to stop being afraid of the future and enjoy the here and now.
