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“I want to start by saying that you know I’d never judge you. We’d never judge you,” he starts while using his hand to motion between himself and his brother. “But where the hell have you been for the last six years and why did you run away?”
“It’s complicated,” I whisper. I don’t want to get into this with him. While he says he won’t judge, I know that if he knew the complete story, he wouldn’t be able to help it.
“I thought things were good. You’d gotten your acceptance to OSU. You were going to look at apartments.”
“And Shane got hurt.” I remind him.
“Shane getting hurt didn’t affect your plans.”
“Didn’t it? I couldn’t just leave him.”
“You didn’t have to. We would have found a program near the college.” Oli frustratedly replies.
“He blamed me.”
“Never. He knew it wasn’t your fault. Unless you were that bull, none of what happened was on you.”
“He blamed me for not being there and because you went with me instead of being in the arena with him. He went through fucking surgery alone.”
“No. He had Wayne. He had Manuel. And you were there when it mattered. Why do you think he blamed you? He knew getting hurt was a possibility every time he climbed onto a steer’s back. He knew, and he still did it.”
“For me. For our future.”
“And you thought that since Shane got hurt, his plans for taking care of you changed?” Oli asks angrily.
I shake my head, tears forming in my eyes. “He showed me how little I meant to him after that. He didn’t want a future with me.”
“Bullshit,” Matt says from where he sits. “Shane always wanted you. You were all he ever talked about. Even after you left, he didn’t give up on you. Not for a couple of years. It gutted him when you never came home.”
“He gutted me long before that.” I grit.
When both guys just sit there waiting for me to respond with clarification, I get up. “We’re not done talking yet,” Oli calls behind me.
I huff as I go over to my purse hanging on the coat rack by the door. I pull out the little black phone that Shane bought me when we started dating. It was our way of talking without Dad finding out.
I walk back over and sit back in the spot I had just vacated. Oli sits back beside me. I hand Oli the phone.
When he goes to power it on, I place my hand on his. “Go to the videos. It’s the only one there. Watch it when I’m not around. I’ve seen it enough that I could tell you word for word what’s said and describe it in complete detail. I don’t need to see it anymore.”
I stand back up, prepared to leave the room again because I want to get as far away from what comes next as I can. “I understand you being pissed at me for not at least keeping in touch with you two. Just please don’t hate me.” I beg. “Or him,” I add as an afterthought.
“Sammy.” Matt gets my attention by gently grabbing my hand. “I could never hate you. You’re my best friend. Can I ask you something before you go to bed?” I nod my head. “Is Dakota…” He trails off.
“Yeah. Dakota is Shane’s daughter.” I mumble. “She doesn’t know, so I’d appreciate it if you’d not say anything until I can tell her myself.”
Neither guy tries to stop me again when I leave them. They don’t say another word. I see Matt sit beside Oli as I round the corner. I grab the bottle of whiskey from the counter in my little wing of the house and open the sliding door to the little sitting area Dad created.
When I sit in one of the Adirondack chairs, I turn on the gas firepit and sit by the fire. The warmth of the flames is calming. I’m home. In a house surrounded by people that means so much to me, and yet I’ve never felt more alone.
Dakota is asleep, and the little patio is quiet. I wish there was more noise. Anything to drown out the thoughts that are screaming at me.
Brokenhearted and lost, I called Aunt Meg and asked if I could stay with her. I didn’t give her any explanations, and she didn’t ask. She just told me to get to her. The bus ride from Oklahoma to Savannah was long and honestly a little terrifying.
Meg was waiting at the station when my bus pulled in. Still, she didn’t ask questions. She didn’t have to. Meg had this way about her that could get anyone to spill their deepest, darkest secrets. It’s a gift.
Once we made it to her house, I couldn’t hold back my emotions, and I broke down. She held me through it all, never speaking, just humming a song under her breath until the tears dried up. Exhausted, I fell asleep with my head on her lap.
I woke up hours later, somewhat rested and hungry. Meg made me a sandwich and when I finally sat down to eat, the whole sordid tale just burst from me like a dam being opened for the first time in years. I expected Meg to be mad or even disappointed. It surprised me when she offered me a small smile and said it would all be okay.
