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“It took you years for what you did to make you sick finally?”
“I didn’t know,” I tell him.
“You didn’t know some other girl besides the one that you belonged to was riding your dick?” He asks. He looks at me like I’m completely full of shit and I can’t blame him.
“I don’t remember any of it. I remember fighting Samantha that morning and being so fucking cruel to her. So cruel that I told her I didn’t want her anymore. There was alcohol and a couple of pain pills, but I can’t remember anything else.”
“Hard to believe,” Oli says as he enters. “There is no way that you just forgot that you cheated on the love of your life.”
“Honestly, I don’t. Swear it on my life.” I promise them. “I don’t know what happened, but I swear I don’t remember what I did. There’s no denying what happened- I saw the video with my own eyes earlier. It doesn’t make a difference, anyway. I fucked up.”
“Yeah. You did,” Oli says, walking up to me.
When he’s a couple of feet away, he looks me dead in the eyes before pulling his fist back and swinging. Immense pain lances through the left side of my face. Immediately, my eye swells. The only reason I’m still standing is because of the island I was leaning against.
“Fuck! Motherfucker, that hurt!”
“Not more than Samantha’s heart must have hurt when she walked in to see you screwing her best friend,” Matt states, defending his brother’s actions. “We should cut your balls off for what you did.”
I cringe at the thought, but I don’t say a word. It would do me no good to disagree. A sense of relief goes through me. I’m glad they’re on Samantha’s side and not making excuses for me.
“What are you going to do?” Oli asks.
“About what?” I ask.
“All of it. Your daughter?”
“Samantha is going to tell Dakota the truth of who I am tomorrow. She said she was calling an attorney. They can handle it in court. That’s what she wants.”
“And what do you want? Do you still care about her?” Oli asks, looking at me. He’s trying to read me.
“No. I know I fucked up, but that doesn’t excuse her from keeping my kid a secret from me. She ran away when she should have confronted me.”
“I didn’t say she was blameless, dumbass,” Oli interjects. “But can you stand here and honestly say that you’re fine with letting a court determine if and when you can see your own child? Are you okay with Samantha walking away again?”
“It’s what she does best,” I say with venom in my voice. “Fuck her. I don’t give a shit what she does at this point. But you’re right. No one is going to tell me what I can and can’t do with my child.”
I storm away from the counter I was leaning against intending to go to the main house and have it out with Samantha. Matt grabs my arm before I can make it out the door.
“Don’t do this shit right now. You’re drunk. Do you want to scare Dakota?” Matt, in his ever-growing wisdom, asks.
He has a very valid point. I’m too strung out on emotions that I can’t think clearly. I can’t demand to see my daughter when I’m drunk. And I don’t want to scare her.
I want her to see me as a man who loves and wants the best for her. If she sees or hears me talk to her mother the way I’m dying to, it would ruin everything before we’ve even begun.
I turn back toward the guys. “Need to go for a walk to think. I promise to stay away from Dakota and Samantha for the night and give myself time to calm down and let my thoughts come together.”
They both look at me suspiciously, but they nod. I walk out and end up where I always go to clear my head. The lake glistens in the moonlight, and I sit right on the edge of the grass.
I watch as the water ripples from fish coming to the surface to feed on water bugs and such. I pull out my phone and turn it on. While I was passed out, Autumn called. She wants to meet up.
She hasn’t been here for some time. I’ve never taken her into the barn. Well, except for when I completely fucked up. I wonder if I should call her back, have her come here, and see if I can get some answers.
I decide against it, not with everything already so fucked up here. Instead of calling, I send her a text saying that I’ll see her tomorrow at the funeral. Fuck. I had forgotten that was tomorrow. Or today, since my watch says it’s after midnight.
Will Samantha leave after we lay her dad to rest? Will she want to take Dakota somewhere far away from me? If that’s the case, what will I do?
The wind whispers through the trees and grounds me. My thoughts come together in a mash, but one thing stands out. I can’t let Samantha run away again. While we may not want anything to do with each other, we are both parents to Dakota and we’re going to have to learn to deal with each other.
