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An arm wraps around me and pulls me to my feet. Matt and Oli stand there looking both sad and angry. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Oli asks. I can hear the anger simmering in his voice.
“I wanted to. We were going to tell you after my acceptance and after Shane’s last ride.”
“When? When did you guys get married?” Oli asks.
“Her eighteenth birthday,” Matt says with a gasp. “That’s why you guys snuck off for the weekend while your dad was out of town.”
I nod. “Yes.”
“We were your best friends, and you kept it from us. We would have supported you.”
“I know. We knew, but it was best to keep it quiet.”
“Because of your dad. If we didn’t know and he got pissed, he couldn’t take it out on us,” Oli surmises.
“Exactly.”
“Do you feel like going out there?” Matt finally asks.
“I should probably make an appearance. Dad would want me to.” I answer.
Matt holds his arm out, gesturing for me to lead the way. There’s no more talk of marriages or secret babies. There’s only celebrating my dad. As it should be.
Manuel catches me when I’m halfway across the yard. “Are you feeling better?” He inquires.
“Some,” I respond.
He opens his arms and welcomes me into a hug. It’s simple, this hug. One I relied on once upon a time. It still makes me feel safe, just as it always did when I was a girl. “Let’s go celebrate your old man’s life.” He tells me when I finally move out of his embrace.
I nod and continue to where everyone stands around, chattering. Shane is sitting with Dakota as she eats her ice cream and laughs at something Ellen says. Matt and Oli are congregated together away from the others, deep in conversation. They look over at Shane as they talk.
From the looks on their faces, they’re angry and confused. It was bad that I didn’t tell them the truth all those years ago, but it has to feel like even more of a betrayal coming from the man who’s supposed to be their brother. Betrayal seems to be a secret talent of Shane’s.
That’s not fair of me to think. While I understood the need for secrecy, I was part of not telling the boys. It wasn’t just to protect them. It was also because I wanted Dad to know first. I didn’t feel right sharing our news with anyone else until we could let the secret be free.
Looking back, I don't even know why we didn't tell everyone. I don't think it would have made a difference. What would my dad have done? Kicked me out? I still had school. I still had options. That was until those options went up in flames right alongside my relationship with Shane.
I don't feel like I'm holding a grudge over Shane fucking someone else. It's more a feeling of hating him for allowing me to lose everything. He could have found me and explained himself. I wasn't necessarily hiding. He could have fessed up to my dad at any time.
If he honestly didn't know what he was doing with Autumn, does that change things? I'm not sure. But forgiveness is a two-way street and until he forgives what he sees as a slight toward him, it won't matter anyway.
I walk around for a little while, just taking in the number of people who showed up to pay their respects. Daddy was well-loved. I wonder how he explained my absence over the years. I'm sure in a town as small as ours people were curious. I can see that one fear I had was unfounded. My leaving didn't create some major scandal to ruin Dad's reputation.
It's quite the opposite. It looks like in my absence life didn't just go on. The ranch prospered. While that makes me happy, it also makes me sad that I wasn't around to see it all happen.
I wasn't around to see Matt and Oli grow into the men they are today. They're different, yet the same. Matt still keeps that smile on his face that always makes me feel at ease.
Oli has a secret. He thinks no one sees it, but I do. There are scars on his knuckles that tell me he's been in several scapes over the years. Today, they're a little red. He's found a way to deal with his demons, I just hope he isn't involved in anything too dangerous.
I watch as a woman sidles up to him. She's around my age but I don't recognize her. She taps on his shoulder and when he looks at her, even I feel a tiny sliver of fear. That look could make grown men cry, but this tiny slip of a woman just squares her shoulders and says something to him. Oli says something back and then storms away.
I wonder for a moment if I should follow him, but think better of it. Oli has never been a sharer, keeping his feelings to himself. If he wants to talk about it, he will. Until then, it's in everyone's best interest to leave him alone.
The woman turns toward me and offers a watery smile. She doesn't approach, just stands awkwardly until an older woman comes over a drags her away. I vaguely recognize the woman, but can't place her.
Once they are out of view, I seek out Dakota. She's running around playing with some kids. Shane isn't far away from her, a soft smile on his face as he listens to her laugh and scream.
Dakota didn't have any other children to play with in Savannah. Nice made sure to keep us both locked up tight. It was a rare occasion when he let me leave the house with her in tow.
