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“I wish I could make these disappear.” He says as he kisses every one of my scars.
“They healed. It’s the ones inside that haven't.” I respond.
"My dad used to beat me," Shane says. I inhale a gasp. "He'd come home drunk or high and everything pissed him off. It got to a point that I was afraid to breathe around him. I started staying out late just to avoid him. I didn't know he was beating my mom in my place."
I stay silent, afraid that if I speak, Shane will stop sharing. I hear him gulp and I just lay there silently until he pulls himself together enough to continue.
"Mom got sick and I thought it was the flu, that she'd get better. One night I overheard her tell my dad that he had given her HIV. She begged him to let her get treatment but he refused. His drugs and whores were more important."
"Oh my God!" I blurt. I try to turn in his arms to look at him but his arm tightens around me. He buries his face in my neck as if he's afraid of me seeing the emotions tumbling through him.
"My mom couldn't take it anymore so she went out and overdosed. The neighbor called CPS and had me removed. At first, I thought it would be better. In truth, it was just trading one hell for another."
"What happened?" I whisper.
"The man in charge of the group home, Charlie, was a bastard of a man. We were placed in rooms with air mattresses on the floor. We had to work to eat. Matt and Oli showed up after me. They were both younger than me and almost frail-looking. Anyone could tell they'd been starved. Oli was quiet and Matt cried all the time."
I can totally picture Oli being quiet. That has followed him into his adult life. But Matt crying all the time? It's hard to imagine it.
"I didn't like either of them, but I felt like I had to take care of them anyway. I guess because they were both so small. I tried to help them with their chores, shared my food with them, and made sure they ate. It started as just working around the house, helping out Charlie's friends, that sort of thing."
I don't know if I want to hear the next part, but I listen anyway. I've been waiting too long to know more about Shane's past.
"Eventually, I'd see some of the boys leave for a few hours or overnight. They'd come back looking dead inside. When Charlie came to take Matt away one evening, I stood up and offered to go in his place. I had no clue the horrors he had in store for any of us."
"You don't have to tell me." I cut in.
Shane sighs, "I do. Charlie took me down to a basement I didn't realize was in the house. A man was waiting for us, and Charlie warned me that if I didn't do exactly as I was told, he'd make Matt disappear. I was terrified but I told him I'd be good. He left me then and locked the door behind him. The man, I don't even know his name, raped me repeatedly that night."
Tears are pouring out of my eyes before I even realize it. I try to swallow them down, but nothing works. I'm not even sure why I'm crying. It could be because of the trauma Shane dealt with. Or it could be that Oli was right. Shane knows how I feel.
"Did he hurt Matt and Oli too?" I ask.
Shane nods his head against my neck. "I won't tell you their stories, Sunshine. It's not my place. I tried to protect them from it all. It just became worse and Charlie would rape me in front of them. That is until your dad stepped in. He saved me. He saved us. Your dad brought us here and gave us something to look forward to. We finally had a home and people who truly cared about us."
"I'm glad Dad gave you guys that." I finally say.
"Me too, Sunshine. The best thing he gave me though, was you. I fucked up, baby. I hate that you ran away and felt like you couldn't come home. I'm so fucking sorry. I know words don't mean shit, but I'll do everything I can to prove it to you."
He finally lets me move. I roll over to face him. "I'm sorry too. I should have still told you about Dakota. I shouldn't have run away in the first place."
We lay together in bed, me with my head over his heart where the sun tattoo sits. I want to ask him about it but I don’t know that my heart can take it when he tells me its meaning. That’s something I don’t think Shane will ever understand. While I have nightmares and fear of the men who took advantage of me in Savannah, I fear my feelings for Shane more.
A knock on the door has us stirring. Shane throws on his jeans, leaving the button undone. I grab his shirt and a pair of underwear and we make our way to the front door. Shane doesn’t bother to look out and see who’s standing there. He whips the door open and standing on the little porch is Dakota, tears in her eyes. Behind her is a man that makes my blood run cold.
“Honey, I’m home,” Nick tells me as pushes Dakota forward and enters the house, closing the door behind him.
