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The first thing I notice is her sunken cheeks. One of them looks a little swollen, but I don’t see any marks. Her blue eyes, which used to sparkle so brightly, now hold a dullness that I would never expect to see in her. She also seems skinnier than I remember. Six years doesn’t seem to have been kind to her, but honestly, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
When she looks up and sees me, the dullness leaves her eyes replaced by a look of loathing so deep it catches me by surprise. The look is gone quickly as she takes in the rest of the people in the room. When her eyes land on Matt, she gives him a small smile. He must have been waiting to see it before he approached her because I see the moment his shoulders relax and he takes a full breath before rounding the table in her direction.
He pulls up short, his mouth dropping open in shock at something he sees behind Samantha. Something I can’t see from where I sit. “Sammy.” He whispers. “You have a mini Sammy.” He continues, the awe in his voice clear.
I’m confused by his comment for a minute before Samantha turns and leans down. That’s when I catch the wisp of blonde hair. Samantha moves and I finally get the full picture. A little girl stands there looking shyly at everyone. She looks so much like Samantha. You couldn’t deny it’s her daughter.
She has the same blonde hair; the same pert little nose and a heart-shaped face. Her cheeks are round. What stands out the most is her eyes. I’ve seen them before. I see them every time I look in the mirror. The forest's green color is unmistakable.
I open my mouth to speak and close it again. Manuel looks at me, a warning in his eyes. He’s telling me without even speaking to keep my mouth closed. Now is not the time. I slump back in my chair, frozen in shock. It’s hard to breathe and my heart is beating a staccato in my chest.
Hearing the little girl giggle at something Matt says does something to me. I’m not even sure what. The moment ends when Samantha leads her over to the table. She lifts the little girl and places her in Wayne’s unused seat and takes the one beside it.
I’m quiet during dinner as I go through the motions of eating, but I don’t taste any of it. I’ve learned that the little girl, my little girl, is Dakota. She’s who Samantha argued with her dad over. How insane I was to believe she’d be afraid to bring a man here. The Samantha I remember feared nothing.
I learned Dakota was almost six years old, so Samantha was pregnant when she ran away. Did she know? Is that why she left? Did she think I would be mad and not want anything to do with her?
I can’t think straight while sitting across from Samantha and trying not to say something I’ll regret. I can’t wait for this meal to be over, so I can get out of here. Losing my shit in front of my kid isn’t something I ever want to do.
Matt keeps trying to pull me into conversation, but all I can manage is to give him grunts in answer. Oli looks at me worriedly. Do they not see it? Do they not realize that Dakota is mine?
When Ellen offers dessert, I decline and rush out of the house like my ass is on fire. No one follows, which isn’t surprising. They’ll all want to spend time with the prodigal daughter.
My skin feels too tight, my clothes stifling. I’m not thinking clearly when I run down to the lake and strip out my clothes. I run to the edge of the dock and throw myself into the chilly water.
Even with the water causing my lungs to seize up in my chest, I swear I can breathe easier than I did inside that house. Being that close to Samantha after being apart from her for so long was absolute torture. Seeing Dakota and knowing she’s mine has done a number on me.
I thought I had prepared myself for the day that Samantha finally walked back into my life. I was so very deluded to believe I’d ever be prepared for all the feelings swimming through me. Now I’m being eaten alive from the inside.
I can’t even keep track of everything I’m feeling. I want to cry and rage. The temptation to get so drunk that I forget my own goddamn name slithers within my blood. Wayne’s memory is the only thing stopping me. Even though he’s not with us anymore, I couldn’t deal with the disappointment I knew he’d have in me.
Six years that I missed. I missed watching Samantha’s belly grow with my child. I missed feeling her move inside her mother and watching her come into this world. I missed her first word, her first step. What else did I miss? So much. And it’s all Samantha’s fault.
Chapter Three
Samantha
Shane flew out of the house after dinner. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little relieved to see him go. I know the reason he left so quickly. Shane has never backed down from speaking his mind and the fact that he was so quiet throughout the meal was proof that he was holding back on purpose.
I watched his complexion ghost white when he first laid eyes on Dakota. The hope that he wouldn’t realize who Dakota was died then. He absolutely could see it, though I don’t think Matt and Oli did. It wouldn’t be the hardest thing to figure out, though, based on her age alone.
Both guys knew about my relationship with their best friend. The only one that didn’t know at the time was Daddy. Of course, we hid it from him.
Shane was much older than me. When we started dating, I was sixteen and Shane was already twenty-two. I didn’t give a shit about our ages. Neither did he. But my dad would have had a coronary if he’d found out.
He would have been that way if I had attempted to date any of the boys. He knew their histories- had seen how they were with anyone not on the ranch- and he always said I was too good to be with someone so broken. I don’t think I ever saw them that way.
Of course, they had issues. They grew up in the worst homes and from what I understand, foster care wasn’t any better. But they had each other back then, and they’ve had each other since, while I’ve been alone.
It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I fell in love with Shane. He was always larger than life, and the only time I didn’t find myself drawn to him was when he burned the barn down. Even then, there was something about the boy with the sad green eyes.
When he wasn’t fighting other boys for talking badly about his mama, he was, dare I say, sweet. And I couldn’t fault him for defending his mama since I would have done the same. I would have punched anyone that said a bad word about her.
“Sammy, can I talk to you for a minute?” Oli asks after Ellen has taken Dakota for a bath.
“Uh. Yeah, sure.” I reply.
I follow him into the living area where he sits on the sofa and I take up the space beside him. It isn’t long before Matt follows. We sit in silence while I watch Oli try to come up with whatever he wants to say.
