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No. No, he did not look like he was kidding. She’d never seen him look more serious.
“Um… I…” She shifted around to sit on the bed while her mind spun with questions and confusion. Pulling the covers to her upper chest, she said, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Yes would be a good start,” Barry suggested as he sat up too.
Delight and excitement were the first emotions to sweep through her. Barry was kind, respectful, fun to be around, incredibly attractive, great in bed, and had his shit together. In most women’s eyes, he was as close to the complete package as any man could get. And he wanted to date Xolani? How could she not be thrilled?
But the thrill was swiftly followed by wariness, confusion, and, honestly, a little fear.
It would be a lie to say that she didn’t have intense feelings for Barry. He was definitely more than just a sex-buddy. However, even in her wildest dreams, she’d never thought of them dating. Her brain had already decided that was impossible, and it was hard to start thinking differently at the flip of a switch. Furthermore, Barry had never given any signs that he wanted more from her than what they had.
Where had this sudden desire to date come from?
The answer struck her with the force of a freight train. She met his eyes. “This must be grief talking.”
“What?” He frowned. “No, it’s not.”
But Xolani was certain. “You’ve been having a hard time lately, and I was around for most of it. It makes sense that you’d be confused about your feelings for me.”
This was a clear case of mistaking gratefulness for love. When someone was there for you during your lowest moment, like she had been for him, it was easy to think that you felt more for them than you actually did. Once his grief completely subsided, he’d likely regret asking her out. Xolani was sure of that.
But Barry denied it. He said, “I’m not confused about anything. I know what I feel and it has nothing to do with grief_” He paused for a beat then admitted, “Well, it does have a little to do with grief.”
Aha! She was right.
“But not in the way you think.” He cut off her train of thought firmly. “Grieving hasn’t changed how I feel about you. It’s just made me willing to admit how important you are to me, and how my life would suck without you in it. It’s made me brave enough to put what I’ve felt for a long time into words. I like you, Xolani. I’ve liked you for a very long time.”
The passionate declaration was like a lightning bolt. It struck Xolani and left her stunned, motionless, and speechless. She didn’t know what to say.
But Barry still had a lot to say. “Do you remember when I told you that I fell for you when we were in the airplane, but my feelings disappeared when I found out we both worked for Rayburn?”
She nodded and whispered, “I remember.”
“I lied.” He licked his lips as if his lips were dry. “My feelings never disappeared. I just sat on them. They’re still there. They were always there.”
Xolani wasn’t an idiot. Of course, she’d known that he was holding back just as she was. But she’d assumed that it was just lust, and what he felt didn’t go beyond superficial attraction. She’d never suspected that his feelings were this deep or intense.
“I still like you as much as I liked you back then.” After a brief pause, he corrected, “Actually, that’s another lie. Now that I know you better, I like you even more. I like you more than friend or even a friend-with-benefits. And I want to date you officially.”
His words were music to her ears, and her senses began to dance. He couldn’t have been more romantic if he’d hired a helicopter and flown a banner just for her.
He liked her.
Barry liked her.
“I like you too.” The words slipped from her lips before she’d even thought it through.
His eyes immediately lit up. “You do?”
She thought of taking the words back, but he was being so sincere and honest that she couldn’t help but reciprocate. She confessed, “I do. I like you more than a friend.”
His excitement palpable, he started, “Then we_”
She cut him off. “But I don’t know if dating is a good idea. Just weeks ago, you didn’t think so. Remember Robin? You vowed that after her you would never date a coworker? What’s changed?”
“I’ve changed.” His lips curled up in a soft smile, and he reached over to take her hand. “I made that vow before I met you and knew you. Now that you’re in my life, I realize that it was dumb to assume that everyone is the same just because I had one bad experience. I’ve come around to your way of thinking. If you have a deep connection with someone, then it’s worth the risk. To me, you’re worth the risk.”
“Well, I haven’t changed.” She said, “I still don’t want to date someone who’s overly nice to other women.”
