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But Xolani wasn’t even listening to her friend. Her mind was still circling over the words that Barry was moving to Germany. Her body acted before her brain even finished processing the information and forced her to her feet.
“I have to go.” Xolani grabbed her jacket and purse from the back of the seat.
“Go where?” Anika asked, “Aren’t we supposed to_”
But Xolani was already walking. “I’ll call you guys later.”
26
BARRY WAS INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED THAT Xolani hadn’t agreed to date him. His only consolation was that she’d admitted to liking him and hadn’t rejected him outright. Even so, he wondered what would’ve happened if he’d said what he really wanted to say.
‘Like’ was a woefully inadequate word to describe how he felt about her.
Love was more accurate.
He loved Xolani. Of that, he was sure. However, while making his confession, he’d seen the wariness in her eyes. It left him with the impression that if he threw the word ‘love’ out there, she might bolt. So, he’d settled for ‘like’.
As it turned out, even ‘like’ was too much for her!
Last night, she’d been withdrawn after their conversation, and lost in her thoughts. In the morning, she barely spoke to him, and even turned down his offer to drive her to work. She said that it was because she needed to visit a dealership, but part of him suspected that she was avoiding him. The other part of him was quaking with fear.
He was terrified that he’d ruined everything with his confession. He’d almost begged her to forget everything he’d said the previous night, and considered telling her that he was still okay with their situationship. The only reason he didn’t was because he knew he’d be lying to both of them.
He wasn’t okay with how things were with them. He was dissatisfied with being friends who occasionally got naked together. He hated being introduced to other people as just her friend. He was tired of taking her out on dates but pretending that it was just a meal between friends.
He wanted more.
He wanted security, commitment, and exclusivity. He wanted to stop worrying that someone might snatch her from him because their relationship was undefined. He wanted to claim her as his in front of everyone, including their coworkers. He wanted to be able to flash the ‘I’m taken’ card to all the women who bothered him and not be lying about it. He wanted her to be his and his alone, just like he was hers and hers alone.
But more than anything, he wanted a future together.
They might start as boyfriend and girlfriend, but he could see them getting married, living together, having kids, and growing older together.
He wanted all that, and more.
But this wasn’t just about what he wanted.
Xolani’s wants mattered too, and at the moment, she was confused about what those wants were. To keep himself from pressuring her into doing something she wasn’t ready for, he decided to retreat to his own home. That would give her the room she needed to think without guilt, and give him the space to lick his wounds.
He expected the break between them to last a couple of days, maybe even a week. He certainly didn’t expect to get a call from the estate’s security desk the very same day, letting him know that Xolani was on her way to his house.
Already? She’d already made her choice?
He didn’t know whether to be excited or terrified. His stomach was knotted with tension, and his heart was beating so fast it felt like he was on the verge of a heart attack. He fervently hoped that she’d decided to date him. But what if her choice was ‘no’? Where did that leave them? Did that mean that it was over between them? Would he have to let her go?
The drive from the main gate to his house usually took five minutes, but he was too nervous to wait that long. Before the five minutes were up, he walked to the door. Because he didn’t want her to know just how desperate and anxious he was to see her, he didn’t open the door. Instead, he watched the intercom screen and waited for her.
His camera had a perfect view of both his driveway and his doorstep. So, he saw Xolani’s car drive in, saw how she rushed from the car and raced to his doorstep. His heart almost stopped when he saw her expression. She seemed both furious and on the verge of tears.
“Barry. Barry Hale.” She pounded on his door like a one-woman SWAT team. “Open this damn door, you bastard. Open this door.”
What had he done to make her so angry?
Driven by alarm, curiosity, and fear in equal measure, he yanked the door open. As soon as he did, she pounced on him. Glaring at him furiously with eyes that were filled with tears, she pushed him into the house.
“You heartless, inconsiderate bastard!” She slammed the door closed behind her then came at him again. She smacked his chest with both hands. “Are you kidding me? Why did you ask me to date you if you plan on leaving?”
The force of her smacks had him staggering backward. “What the hell, Xo?”
