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“It’s completely possible he’s our guy.” When Fletch tears the car around a corner and we emerge onto a quiet street, he straightens out again while I lean across and kill the sirens. “No need to go in hot and scare the kid.”
“I wonder if he’ll consider it worth it?” He keeps his eyes on the road, his attention on the other cars. But he sits back now that the street is mostly clear and drives one handed. “To give up his life for this one woman who never asked for his help anyway. Does she even see him at all?” He spares a fast glance my way. “She’s older. Married. She’s busy, Arch. He’s probably not even on her radar.”
“I dunno.” I’ve pissed my wife off already. May as well go for a twofer. “Is it worth giving yours up for Jada?”
Just like I knew it would, his jaw clenches with anger.
“She doesn’t see you, Fletch, except to use you. She wants you back, but it’s not love. It’s comfort. It’s easy. You make her world safe, and you make everything easier. She fucked up; she destroyed your marriage and abused your little girl. And now she regrets screwing her life over.”
“Drop it.”
“Drop her into rehab! Send her away and brush your hands clean. She’s not your kid, Fletch. She’s not your problem.”
“She’s my daughter’s mother!” He brings the car around a sharp corner, my head almost rapping against the glass from the momentum. “I don’t have to like her, Arch. I definitely don’t have to love her. But I will give everything up for Mia, and it’s Mia who needs a healthy mother. So yeah,” he grits out, “it’s worth it.”
“So that’s it, then? You’ll run your life around hers? When she’s happy and healthy, you’re happy. When she’s spiraling, you’re scrambling behind, picking up the pieces.”
“For Mia.”
“Bullshit! You’re doing it for you, Fletch!” I meet his glare when he brings fiery eyes around to mine. “It’s for you. Because you can’t stand the thought that you somehow failed. She was a sweet girl, a prima ballerina back in our heyday. Jada was perfect, and Jada and Fletch…” I shake my head. “Well shit, everyone wished they could have a taste of that.”
“Stop it, Arch.”
“You had the fairytale. And now it’s gone. And though that shit is all her fault—her weaknesses, her infidelity, her selfishness—it’s like you wrap your self-worth up in that failed marriage.”
“I said stop it, Archer.”
“We’re stuck in a car together for five more minutes, bud. And I have shit to say. Shit I’ve kept locked down pretty tight since we got Mia out of that run-down apartment and Jada into a rehab clinic.”
“Yeah? Well I don’t want to hear what you’ve got to say.” He reaches across to the radio and turns the music up, Lila Royale belting out a tune about love, loss, and a man she once knew.
But just to piss him off, I slap his hand away, kill the tunes, then I take the knob clear off the dash and toss it to the back seat. “Your marriage fell apart. It was beautiful while it lasted. You got a fantastic daughter out of it. And maybe, someday, you’ll get a decent co-parenting relationship with the woman who birthed that little girl. But addiction is a sickness. And just like you can’t cure cancer with love and Band-Aids, the same rings true for addiction. She needs professional help, Fletch. She needs doctors, and medicine, and the kind of third party help you can’t offer her.”
“So you want me to toss her away?” he grits out. “Abandon her when she needs me the most?”
“No. I want you to take her back to the doctors that can help her. Get her the treatment she deserves.”
“I’m trying?—”
“But then you need to turn around and walk away. Leave her there. Put her back in charge of getting healthy, because you’ve got your own addiction to deal with.”
“My own…” Furious, he swings his gaze around. “What the fuck are you even talking about?”
“You’re addicted to saving the day, bro. You wanna be everyone’s hero.” I firm my lips and ignore the way his jaw tightens. “It’s why you became a cop.”
“You’re a cop too, dipshit!” He speeds around another corner and brings the car to a screeching stop. We’re on Anderson’s street, but I guess we’re not done arguing yet, and doing so in the man’s driveway would be… not great. “You are the world’s biggest fucking hypocrite.”
“Didn’t say I wasn’t.” Faux relaxed, I sit back in my chair and roll my bottom lip between my teeth. “I can be toxic, Fletch, while also acknowledging that toxicity in someone else. I’m not saying you have to hate her. I’m saying you need to let her go. Be happy.”
“I am happy!” And yet, his words come out in an angered snarl. “I get to raise my daughter, surrounded by my best friends. I get to date anyone I want. Anytime. My sex life is?—”
“On pause?” I chuckle, shaking my head side-to-side. “You were married, and not once did you consider stepping out. Then you were divorced, and I swear, you kept Trojan Condoms’ profits soaring. Now you’re dealing with an ex who refuses to seek proper help because she’d rather you take care of her instead, and you have a giant fucking crush on a woman who is so stuck up she might break if the wind gets too windy.”
“The wind getting windy,” he rolls his eyes. “Intelligent. You pay a lot for that education?”
I chuckle, noticing he doesn’t argue about his crush.
“I’m doing my best,” he sighs, exhaling the fight from deep in his chest and melting back into his chair. “I’m really, truly, doing my best each day, Arch. I don’t sleep. I hardly eat, except when we’re at the bar and you’re making a big deal about Delicious having a meal. I’m trying to help Jada. I don’t want to be with her. I’m not holding on to that old relationship like an idiot. But I lay awake at night, and I play, over and over again, a conversation I just know Mia and I will someday have. Maybe Jada will straighten out, maybe she won’t. But there’s no doubt in my mind my baby will eventually ask me: what did I do to help her mom? What did I do to make this better?”
