Page 91 of Fear


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“I suppose it does look bad when perused without explanation,” Etta acknowledged. “My life and choices haven’t been my own for some time.”

“Your choices are your own, now?”

“Mostly. I still have a Master, but he’s allowing me to fashion the course of my life.”

“And you have an eagle slave?”

“Guilty of raping and killing human women. Ryan would’ve killed him, if he’d gotten to him before me. I’m choosing to use him as a warning to others. There are worse punishments than death.”

“Indeed, there are. What is your purpose in seducing your very own Slayer?”

“Purpose?”

“Do we need to have this conversation in Italian? I was led to believe your English was strong.”

“No, it’s strong, but I don’t have a purpose. I have no idea what happened, but he…” She waved a hand around. “I don’t know what he did. Turned something on in me that I didn’t even know existed. It’s like he’s a drug I need a daily dose of, or I start to crave it. Him. I miss him, when I don’t see him for several days. I don’t understand it.”

Gideon looked to me, and I told him, “She speaks truth. I know you can tell.”

“What do you see in the vampire?”

I shrugged. “I think my answer is the same. I miss her when I don’t get to spend time with her. She flipped a switch I didn’t know existed. I have no idea what we’re doing, or where we might end up, but I have to follow it through and see where it leads.”

“I’ve wanted this for you for decades,” Ruth said. “And you find it with a Strigorii? I suppose I should’ve been more specific in my wishes.”

I smiled at her. “I know you can see her for who she is. Tell me what you see?”

“Ice surrounding heat. Ruthlessness, and yet, I see some kindness. Darkness, but also light. Nothing evil, though the capability is there.” She gave me a smile that warmed my heart and reminded me how much I loved her. “She reminds me of you, when you first came to us. A being forced into the mold of a sociopath, but with morals and pieces of empathy wanting to poke out despite someone trying their best to erase them.”

“I have no empathy, Ruth. You know that.”

“I know you were raised not to have it, and I know you can’t recognize it when it appears, but I also know enough survived to make you someone I’m proud to call my friend.” She looked to Etta. “Likewise, your trainers have tried to exorcise it out of you. They’ve had longer to do so, but I believe you started out with more than our Ryan, and thus will end up with more than him. The two of you will be good for each other, I believe.”

She looked to Gideon, whose deep voice rang out loud enough everyone in the restaurant could hear, “Safe passage unless she harms one of ours. Should we find reason to kill her, we’ll allow her to leave and give her a two-hour interval before we hunt.”

It was the best we were going to manage, and better than I’d hoped for. “Thank you.”

He gave a short nod. “You’re welcome. Don’t make me regret it.”

As head trainer, Gideon is responsible for turning headstrong teens into responsible Slayers with enough skill they don’t get killed by the vampires and shifters they’re sent to hunt. He used to cuss a blue streak, but he rarely did so in public these days because he felt obligated to be a good example to the youngsters of our fair town.

If only it could be him they sent me to, once the Slayer Council decided I needed another month of retraining.

“I won’t let them,” Ruth said.

My gaze shot to her in surprise. Had she read my mind? It wasn’t unheard of, but my walls are strong.

“They aren’t that strong, young Slayer, and you don’t need retraining any more than I do. No, what you need is a month training others. A month showing our youngsters how to fight, how to use good judgment — when to mold and when to kill.”

I shook my head at her, but she only smiled back at me. “Two days of retraining while I supervise, and then twenty-six days of training others. I’ll make it so.”

There was a two-day test at the end of each retraining month, and she was going to make it so I only had to take the test, which we all knew I could pass with no problem. I owed her big for that, but not for being forced to help Gideon train our youngsters.

Fuck, but I don’t have the temperament for that.

Etta put her hand on my leg and leached some of my dread away. It wasn’t fear, but I suppose it was close enough. I put my hand on hers in a silent warning, but of course Ruth picked up on it.

“So at least some of the rumors are true, it would seem.” She met Etta’s gaze. “You can eat negative emotions?”

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