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He grimaces. “I had no idea we’d been followed. I should’ve?—”
I place my finger across his lips. “Stop it. My point is if that bullet had hit, I would’ve died without ever having…” I can’t quite say it.
“You’re a virgin.” It’s a statement. Judgment. Pity. Man, I hate pity.
“No.” I’m not a liar, but this shouldn’t matter. “Of course not.” I brave a glance into his eyes. There’s no pity, but maybe there’s curiosity.
“I just…don’t have a lot of experience.” There. That’s the sugar-coated truth. He reaches out and caresses the side of my face, from my cheekbone, along my jaw, brushing my hair back. Tingling sensations course along my skin, and I fall into his dark eyes, darker in this heated space.
“Your first…someone earlier, he was a jerk?”
I nod, a half-truth. I don’t want to admit I’m almost thirty and haven’t done this. But I do want this with Knox. While he wants it, I want it. I might never have this chance again.
I reach for him, edging toward him beneath the covers, seeking the closeness from last night on the sofa. He kisses me, and a buzz goes through my body, a low hum that has my lower belly clenching. We’re getting the hang of this. His hand falls on my hip and he inches back, enough so he can see me, but our lower bodies remain aligned.
“Beautiful, if we’re going to take things slow, it’s not a good idea to play around too much in bed.”
“What if I want to play around?” He blinks, and my heart pitter-patters in a wild, erratic beat. Live while you can. “What if I want to do all the things? Right now?”
“We don’t have to rush.” His fingers tangle with my hair and his nails lightly scratch my scalp. His muscles are tense, and the way he’s looking at me, it feels like he wants more now, just like me.
“I know we don’t have to rush, but what if…we do?” I brave a glance up to meet his heated gaze. “What if we just enjoy tonight? Something could happen tomorrow and?—”
“You’re safe here.”
“You never know.” I’m not thinking of the men in the canyon. I’m thinking of friends of mine who died on the waitlist. Or those who got the organ and then… My theory has always been sudden is better than a long sickness. The hospital sucks. But sudden is always possible and… “We’re not guaranteed tomorrow.” And I may never get this chance again. He could change his mind.
He reaches for my hand and lifts it to his lips, pressing soft kisses along my fingers. He hums, and the vibrations thrum through the tips of my fingers into my bones. He’s weighing all the options. And I’m scared. But excited. I’m probably out of my mind.
“Are you ready?”
You have no idea.
“To let me in? To trust me with your scars?”
CHAPTER 21
Knox
Lying next to me, draped in cotton from the base of her neck to her ankles, she still oozes sensuality. I should roll over and call it a night before things get out of control. Instead, I can’t stop touching her.
If her hand wandered lower, she’d find evidence of my support for her proposition. But her hands mimic my movements. Exploring my shoulder, my jaw, my hair. A light flurry of fingertips across my chest.
Lying on her side, she squeezes her eyelids shut.
Her hand grips the bottom of her long-sleeved tee. The bottom of the tee rises, exposing a smooth, pale curve from her hip down her waist to the bottom of her breast. My chest tightens incrementally as she carefully exposes skin. I’m so fucking hard it’s borderline painful.
I should shut this down.
The fabric hovers above the swell of her breast. My hand covers the curve from her waist to her hip, the tan, weathered skin a direct contrast to her pearlescent hue. The span of my fingers nearly covers her ribs. Her heart palpitates into my palm.
My thumb sinks into the flesh of her breast, and I force my gaze upward, my breaths shallow, muscles on edge.
“This okay?”
She nods. Her elbow points precariously to the ceiling, frozen. Nervous. She doesn’t need to be nervous. Scars don’t bother me. Scars symbolize survival. The only way a scar forms is if you survive.
She shifts onto her back as I take over the lifting of her top. Her arms stretch above her as the hem rises over her nipples.
