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I shake my head. My father will have men on me twenty-four, seven, and at the wedding, Romeo’s father’s men will be there.
I wonder what I did that prompted my father to have my room searched to the point that they lifted the carpet in my closet and found my money.
I remember the passport and the pregnancy test under my mattress. I decide to hide the passport in my box of tampons. I don't know that it’s a good hiding spot, but it's the best one I can think of at the moment. As far as the pregnancy test, I'm about to break it and flush it when I decide that maybe I should take it. Now that Kate has planted the seed of possibility, I’ll worry until I can confirm that it’s just stress that is impacting my body. OnceI know for sure that I’m not pregnant, it will be one less thing weighing on me.
I quickly read the instructions and follow them. Then I sit and wait. God, if I am pregnant, I am in deeper trouble. I don’t know if Romeo will be able to tell whether I’m a virgin or not. But if he finds out I’m pregnant, I’m as good as dead. Then again, I imagine Romeo will want to sleep with me on our wedding night, and maybe I'll be able to pass a baby off as his. God, I can’t deal with this extra burden weighing me down.
When the time is up, I pick up the stick to read it.
Pregnant.
5
ELENA
The last week has been a new sort of misery. My cage isn’t gilded. Oh, sure, I’m in my opulent room, but I’m not allowed to leave. Not even for meals. They’re brought up to me by servants who look at me like I’m a spoiled brat. I remember seeing a movie, or maybe it was a book, in which two people from opposite ends of the financial spectrum meet and after discovering they’re identical, they switch places. I’d do that in a minute if I wouldn’t feel guilty for having another person locked up in my place.
Despite being imprisoned in my room, I’m not bored. My mind is a raceway of thoughts, my heart a torrent of emotions. I’m going to be married to an abusive man in a matter of days. I’m carrying another man’s baby. If Romeo finds out, I’m dead for sure. If he doesn’t kill me, my father will for ruining whatever arrangement he has with Romeo’s father, Tiberius Abate. It must be something more than just a show of solidarity, a partnership between Families.
Then again, my father has wanted to align with the Abate Family after the murder of the head of the Leone Family’s mother and brother. I don’t have details because women,especially daughters, aren’t privy to such things. But being passive and quiet, I often overhear conversations among my father’scaposand soldiers. Rumor was that Tiberius wanted to take over the Leone Family, or at least their territory, and my father was there to help, including some involvement in killing the head of the Leone Family’s mother and brother. It was a shocking revelation at the time, but now I fully understand my father and the savage life he leads.
“It’s war,” my father’scapohad said. “Il Soldato Della Mortewon’t rest until the deaths are avenged.”
“Is it true he killed his cousin to take over the family, making him the youngest Don ever?” the soldier had asked.
“It is true. Don Leone lives up to his name, Soldier of Death.”
What all that means for me, if anything, I don’t know. I’ll likely never know. But locked in my room, there’s little else to do but ponder the world I’m in. The savageness of it. As far as I can tell, the regular world doesn’t have this level of fear and violence. I so desperately wish I could be in that world, but facing reality means accepting the world that I’m in. I need to tow the line and be a good wife.
“Don’t give him a reason to be angry with you, Elena, and you’ll be fine,” my mother is telling me during one of her daily visits to me. I want to think it’s because she’s worried about me, but I know she’s preparing me for my marriage to Romeo. Not to help me cope, but to make sure Romeo is happy so that my father looks good in the Abate Family’s eyes.
“Always look pretty. Make sure your staff keeps the house clean and good food on the table. And when he wants to force himself on you, you lie back and take it. It only hurts for a moment.”
I think back to the club and how the man who bought me had touched me. How it had hurt but then felt good.
“Does it always hurt?” I ask my mom.
She sniffs, like she finds the topic unsavory. “If you’re lucky, once you give him a son, he’ll spend his time with hisgoomah.”
“You don’t mind him having other women?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. I don’t know why such things are so popular among young women today. It’s a dirty, messy, feral thing.”
I can see her point. My night with my mystery man had been messy and somewhat feral, but it wasn’t icky, as my mother seems to be suggesting.
“Why do they want that?”
Her head tilts to the side. “The fact that you ask tells me you’re still pure. That warms my heart. Men are sexual and violent beasts. It’s their nature.” She takes my hand, and it’s an unusual gesture from her. “When he wants you, he’s going to put hispeescheinside you.”
My mother always uses Italian when she doesn’t want to say the word in English, likepeeschefor dick.
“It’s very uncomfortable but doesn’t last long. When he’s done, he’ll be on his way. You might tell him how big he is or praise him. Men are weak and need their women to make them feel confident and strong.”
I have a feeling my father wouldn’t agree with that assessment, but I nod.
She gives me a smile. “You’ll make me and your father proud, won’t you, Elena?”
I nod again. What choice do I have?
