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Not that I hadn’t had sex since I lost him. I’d lasted two years, but then I’d reluctantly set up some hookups. In Seattle, since local pickings were slim to nonexistent, and I couldn’t risk sleeping with a patient. Considering a good ninety percent of the town was in my practice, that didn’t leave me with any choice.
Wait. I sat a little straighter.
Tomás would have that same issue, wouldn’t he? If even half of the stories I’d read about him in the tabloids were true, he always had lovers…but he’d struggle to find someone in town as well. Now that Tiago had found love with Cas, a local contractor, and had settled down in Forestville, Tomás had spent a lot more time here. So, who did he hook up with when he was here? Who was taking care of his needs?
I swallowed. The idea of approaching Tomás for a hookup was crazy. Insane. Even if he were looking for sex, that didn’t mean he’d want to have it with me. He was a world-famous model with a body people drooled over—myself included, I might add—and I was… I was Fir, the local doctor and the same skinny redhead I’d been forever. A little older, but still not what was considered attractive with my glasses and the gazillion freckles that tripled in numbers in the summer. So, would he even consider me as a sexual partner?
What if he didn’t find me attractive enough? What if he rejected me outright? The idea terrified me. Back in high school, I’d never tried to approach him, leaving me with the kind illusion that if I had, maybe we could’ve hooked up at least once. But if I asked now, I would know, and it had the potential to change things forever.
The one thing I didn’t have to wonder was how Samuel would feel about this situation. He’d made it crystal clear he wanted me to move on and be happy when I was ready for that. We’d had that conversation when the last scans came back, showing we’d exhausted all options and hospice care was the only choice left. I’d spent those two weeks by his side, the kids staying with my parents, and we’d talked and talked until he’d been too weak. But his last words to me had been of love and his desire to see me happy and not grieve for him forever.
And dammit, now I was sitting here with tears in my eyes. What good did that do? Grief was like an ocean, coming in waves. Sometimes it felt as if I had the worst behind me, but then a new wave would come and almost drown me. The one thing I could say was that the waters had gotten calmer, the waves less intimidating than they’d been. But they were always there, like a constant buzzing in the back of my brain.
“Here you go.” Brianna handed Tomás his order, and he thanked her, then turned. Our eyes met, and his lit up in recognition. He walked over, and my mouth promptly went dry.
“Hey, Fir,” Tomás said with a friendly grin, flicking his gaze over me. “Mind if I join you?”
“Please do.” I fought to keep my voice steady. “It’s great to see you.”
“Thanks.” He took a seat across from me. “I just got back from another shoot, and I don’t have one for another few weeks, so I can afford to eat some carbs.”
I couldn’t even imagine having to watch what I ate that closely. “You look great,” I said, then wanted to slap myself.
But Tomás only smiled. “Thank you. How’ve you been?”
“Good, thanks. Just enjoying some downtime on a busy day.”
“Same here. I’ve grown fond of Brianna’s food.”
“You and everyone else in town. She’s become famous.”
“Good for her. I remember her winning baking competitions back in high school. Didn’t she win the county fair?”
I nodded. “Yup, back in 1991. She was only sixteen.”
The conversation felt awkward and stilted, but that was only natural, considering our limited interactions in the past. Silence fell, and I finished my latte, glancing at my watch. I should head back, but I couldn’t leave now, not with Tomás sitting here. “How has it been for you, spending so much time in town again?”
He looked away. “It’s been…good. For the most part. Different, that’s for sure. I never expected us to return, so it’s been a bit of an adjustment.”
“It’s quite the change of pace from Paris, New York, and wherever else you’ve been living or traveling.”
He cocked his head. “You followed my career?”
“Hard not to, since you and Tiago were pretty much everywhere.”
He sighed. “Yeah. Not always by choice, though.”
“You must miss it. That life.”
“Some of it. I miss…” He seemed to catch himself. “I’ve met some interesting people in my travels, but I always end up missing the sense of community we have here.”
Somehow I didn’t think that was what he’d wanted to say, but I let it go. The man was entitled to his secrets. “That’s why I came back after med school. Well, that and Samuel.”
He gave me a rueful look. “I heard he passed away. Cancer?”
I nodded. “Almost five years now.”
“I’m so sorry. That’s way too young.”
