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I leaned forward. “You see me as some sort of Casanova, leaving a trail of broken hearts in my wake, but the men I sleep with know exactly what they sign up for. I’ve never lied to anyone about what I want or need from them, and Fir is no exception. We’ve been honest with each other from the start, and we know where we stand. And if that’s not enough for you, I suggest you take it up with Fir. He’s not some fragile, precious glass object that could shatter at a mere touch. He’s made of much sturdier material than that, trust me.”
Funny how my opinion of Fir had changed. When we’d met up for that disastrous first attempt at a hookup, I’d felt the same way about him as Auden did. I’d treated him as fragile glass, someone who was vulnerable and needed protection. He didn’t. He needed kindness, like everyone else, but Fir Everett could damn well stand up for himself.
Auden cocked his head, studying me as he sipped from his coffee. “I see.”
“See what?”
“The truth,” he said.
“What truth?”
“What you just said.”
The man was wearing me out, and I sighed. “Whatever.”
“So, are you looking for something long term?”
He raised the same question Fir had asked me. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, so it’s a little scary.”
I’d spent so long running from commitment the idea of finding a partner seemed impossible. Yet when I watched Tiago with Cas, their easy affection and bone-deep trust, a yearning had risen inside me for a love like theirs.
I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. “I don’t know if it’s in the cards for me, though. Maybe I’m too selfish, and no one would put up with me.”
“I don’t believe that.” Auden clasped my arm, his grip warm and comforting. “You care about the people in your life, even if you pretend otherwise sometimes. Somewhere beneath that cocky, confident exterior is a heart longing to be filled.” His lips quirked. “You just have to be brave enough to let someone in.”
I stared into the depths of my almost empty cup of coffee. Was Auden right? I did crave love and intimacy, no matter how much I denied it. But after so many years of guarding my heart, the idea of vulnerability scared me. “I don’t know if I can give someone that kind of power over me.”
“Love is a risk. But the rewards, they’re worth it. You can’t spend your life being afraid to take that leap. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder ‘what if’ and end up full of regrets. And yes, I know this is all easy for me to say as a recently married man who is head over heels in love with his husband, but still. I can’t tell you how glad I am I took a chance on what was happening between Keaton and me. If I hadn’t, I would’ve missed out on the love of my life.”
His advice resonated deep within me. I’d lived my life avoiding risks, sticking to superficial relationships that didn’t threaten the walls around my heart. But time was slipping through my fingers, and the thought of being old and alone was terrifying.
I looked up at Auden, who met my gaze with nothing but love and concern. Here was a man willing to call me out on my bullshit yet offer comfort without judgment. A man willing to admit when he was wrong but also brave enough to take a leap of faith in something that had felt right.
“How did you get so wise?” I asked, a wry grin tugging at my lips.
Auden smiled. “I’m making it up as I go along, no kidding. And I guess it comes with the territory of having kids and being sheriff.”
I snorted. “There’s two things I’ll never have or be.”
Auden studied me. “Do you remember Carol Jenkins?”
I frowned, confused about the abrupt change in topic. “You mean the woman who works here as a server?”
“Yeah. She’s looking to sell her house. Her grandson has cancer, and she’s moving to Arizona to help her daughter take care of him, and she needs to sell her house fast.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“You said you’re feeling restless and unsettled. Buying the house could give you a permanent base in Forestville, a place to call home between modeling gigs.” Auden shrugged. “Just a thought. The location is great, and I’m sure the price wouldn’t be an issue. It would be the perfect solution for her, and it might be good for you to put down some roots.”
His suggestion caught me off guard. Even after Tiago had bought a house, I’d never thought about doing the same. Not that I was fond of staying in his guest room, but anything more had felt like too big a commitment. Like admitting I’d be staying. If I were honest with myself, I craved stability, a place to return to instead of endless hotel rooms, temporary apartments, and all my stuff crammed into a guest room. But the idea of being tied to one place set off alarm bells in my head.
“I don’t know.” The words came out hoarse, choked with emotions I couldn’t name. “What if I hate it? Or what if the modeling jobs dry up and I’m stuck here?”
“Then you sell it again. You’ve got enough money to do whatever you want.” Auden’s voice was gentle but firm. “The real question is, what do you want? Do you want to keep running from place to place, never settling long enough to build a home? Or are you ready to stop chasing the next thrill and find some peace?”
His questions pierced my defenses, exposing wounds left by a lifetime of restlessness. I’d spent so long afraid of being trapped I never allowed myself to put down roots. But Auden was right. If I kept running, I’d end up old and alone, with nothing but regret over the chances I’d never taken.
I took a deep breath. “Who do I talk to about Carol’s house?”
