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Fir’s face turned a deep shade of red, making the freckles on his cheeks stand out even more. Without saying a word, he spun around and strode away. I cringed, my heart breaking for him. Had I still been too harsh? I’d tried to be kind, but a rejection always hurt, no matter the delivery.
When he was out of sight, I let out a deep sigh and walked to my car. I’d promised Tiago I’d help him with a surprise for Cas. It involved ordering something—what, I wasn’t sure—and Tiago wanted to get it right, so he’d asked for my assistance. While we were at it, I’d talk to him about what had just happened. Maybe he could shed some light on whether I’d done anything wrong. My brother was emotionally sensitive and much more tuned in to people than I was.
As I navigated the winding roads toward Tiago’s house, nestled halfway up a mountain amid towering pine trees, the late spring scenery seemed to mock my turbulent emotions. The sun peeked through the foliage, casting intricate patterns onto the road. I drove with the windows down, inhaling deeply. The air was heavy with the scent of damp earth and wildflowers, and birdsong created a symphony of life.
But none of it could lift the weight off my chest. My mind kept replaying the conversation with Fir. Had I done the right thing? We were so different, he and I. A family doctor and a world-famous model. He had a medical degree, for fuck’s sake, while the only diploma I had was the one from Forestville High. Could we have made it work? I didn’t think so, but rejecting him still felt cruel.
Relationships weren’t for me. Here I was, turning forty-nine in a few weeks, and I’d never even had a serious one. All I could claim was an endless string of lovers, some great and some not so great. I loved sex, so sue me. Ever since high school, I’d had a high sex drive. Higher than Tiago, that was for sure. I’d had fun, enjoyed life, and done my fair share of stupid shit, including some threesomes and more that, in hindsight, maybe weren’t the smartest idea. But I’d always practiced safe sex. The AIDS epidemic had left its mark on my brother and me as young gay men.
I’d done drugs a few times, but after having seen people close to me self-destroy after getting addicted, Tiago and I had vowed to stay away from that shit, and we had. But I’d lived and taken advantage of all that life offered. I’d traveled around the world, visited places others could only dream of. And if I wanted, I could retire and never have to worry about money again, since I’d invested the money we’d made wisely.
Fir Everett and I had nothing in common other than that we were gay and the same age. And we had both grown up here. That was it. No, I’d done the right thing.
I pulled into Tiago’s driveway, the sight of his home bringing a sense of relief and comfort. Surrounded by evergreens, their branches swaying softly in the breeze, his house looked like a refuge. Funnily enough, it had become a place of solace for me, something I hadn’t expected. When he’d bought it, I’d thought he was crazy. Hell, I’d been furious, but that was also because he’d done it on a whim and hadn’t consulted me. Truth be told, I still wasn’t quite over the hurt of that decision. But he was happy, madly in love with Cas, and how could I begrudge him his happiness? I didn’t, even when his absence stung.
Tiago was in the kitchen, an apron with little red hearts tied around his waist, stirring something in a massive pot. I sniffed. “Tomatoes and garlic?”
“I’m making gazpacho. We’re having Jess and Sam over for dinner.”
Jess, a local attorney, was Cas’s best friend, and she’d found love with Cas’s sister, Sam. One of those wonderfully random meetups that had worked out. They were taking things slow, but they were good for each other, as far as I could see.
I leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling as I watched my brother. Cooking was his new hobby, and I admired him for going through endless YouTube videos to learn. With his dyslexia, cookbooks didn’t work for him.
“Did you stop by Brianna’s?” Tiago asked.
I pointed at the paper bag I’d set on the counter. “Brought you some treats. No idea what they are, but according to Brianna, you love them.”
“What did you get?”
“A krentenbol. Man, those things are addictive.”
After trying the silky soft bread rolls with raisins, I’d been hooked for life. I easily ate two a day when I was in town, telling myself they were relatively healthy—which they were, compared to the other pastries she sold.
How did I broach the subject of Fir? But as always, my twin picked up on my unease. “Something’s bothering you,” he stated.
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. “Yeah, something happened that’s got me a little worried.”
Tiago stopped stirring and gave me his full attention. “Talk to me.”
“Fir asked me out.”
Tiago’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Yeah, that sums up my feelings. We ran into each other at Brianna’s, talked for a bit, and then when I was about to leave, he asked me out on a date.”
“Jesus Cristo, I didn’t see that coming.”
“You and me both.”
“What did he say?”
I recounted our conversation. Tiago frowned. “Those were his exact words? He asked if you wanted to go out with him?”
“Not exactly. I think he said…” How had he worded it again? “You know how awkward Fir can be, so he stumbled a bit, asking me if I wanted to do that again, but more private. And then he mentioned having sex, which I thought was weird, but okay.”
“Huh.”
“I feel awful for rejecting him like that. He was so brave to put himself out there again, especially after losing his husband. But you know relationships are not my thing. Which, to be honest, I’m a little surprised he didn’t consider. He mentioned he’d kept track of my career.”
