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“Can you describe a typical scene to me? What would that look like?”
Adar dragged a hand through his hair. “It depends on how desperate I am, but if it’s been a while, I request the whip. There is one Dom at the club who is a master with it, and one hour with him is enough to keep me grounded for weeks. But I’ve also done other things, like crops and paddles and, I don’t know, whatever implement is handy. Isam always used…”
Shit. He hadn’t meant to say his name. Adar had promised Isam he would never talk about it with anyone else. They knew at the clinic, but that was because he’d wanted them to be aware in case he was ever brought in for something else and they saw the bruises.
“I will never repeat this to anyone,” Delton said softly. “You have my word, Adar.”
“That’s not it. I promised him I’d keep it a secret. I’m not sure if his mates know.”
“They won’t find out from me. That secret is safe with me.”
Adar dragged in a shaky breath. “I know. It’s just… I’m not usually that sloppy with things like this.”
“It’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Anyway, you said your friend always used something else?”
“His belt. He had this thick leather belt he used, and it was perfect. He also…” Adar cleared his throat. “He liked to fuck me. You know, the rough kind of sex that is hard to have with anyone else but another alpha. I would never do that with Oliver. Even if he hadn’t been, you know, abused and everything. An omega can’t take that, but I can, and Isam knew that. We both got off on it.”
“It sounds like you had a mutually satisfactory arrangement. I’m sorry for you that it ended.”
Adar shrugged. “It’s hard for me to be upset when the reason was that he found his mates. And it would’ve had to end anyway, what with me discovering Oliver was my mate.”
“He’ll never be able to give you this. Not the pain, but also not that kind of sex.”
“I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I need you to help me find a way to not want it anymore, to not need to center myself. How do I teach myself to get rid of my stress in another way? To release that tightness inside me in another way?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible.”
Adar spun his head sideways. “What do you mean?”
“Your preference for impact play is how you’re wired. I mean, we’d have to dig a little deeper to see if anything in your past led you to first find relaxation that way, but it’s an established pattern by now. I’m not sure that can be changed.”
Panic filled Adar. “But I have to. There has to be a way. I can’t be with Oliver and need this. He’ll never understand.”
Delton put his hand on Adar’s. “We’ll find a solution. I promise.”
But that assurance only partially doused the flames of panic burning inside Adar. What if he lost Oliver over this? What if his fucked-up needs would forever be what kept them apart?
Chapter Eleven
The mission had been a success, as they had freed Queen Grian from her horrible imprisonment, but the next day, a heavy somberness rested on the dragons. There was nothing to celebrate. The mission had come at too high a cost. Lucia’s death, first of all, but also the queen’s condition.
They could all feel it, the pain and sadness, the weight of her sickness. As always, they sought comfort with each other, the omegas first, but then the alphas joined as well. Jermon, Valdis, and Nadiv took turns staying with their mom, but when they weren’t with her, they craved companionship with the other dragons, hanging out together in the meeting barn. The wolf omegas kept bringing food and drinks, taking care of them without needing to be asked.
Oliver had never felt such a strong kinship with the others. Well, maybe when Erwan had been crowned king. That had been a special moment for the clan. But the unity they had right now, the connection they shared, as if their souls were all knitted together, tied to each other with strong threads of magic, that was new. It was wonderful and awful at the same time because they all knew the reason.
The queen was dying. She was hanging on, but Oliver didn’t need anyone to tell him what he already knew. She wouldn’t survive. Maybe she was waiting for Erwan to return home, but she wouldn’t be able to do so for much longer. She’d been too weak, too far gone, both mentally and physically.
Her passing would come as a liberation for her, an end to the suffering she had endured at the hands of her husband. But for her sons, the loss would hit hard. From what Oliver understood, she was the only one who had ever loved them. Erwan, especially, would be devastated to lose his mom after learning everything she’d done to protect him and keep him safe from his father and uncle.
Jermon walked into the meeting barn—Valdis had left minutes before to relieve him—and the hushed conversations died. He cleared his throat. “There’s been no change in her condition.”
The spark of hope that had ignited inside Oliver died just as quickly. Jermon sat next to him, and Oliver handed him a cold can of Coke.
“Thank you.” Jermon downed about half the can, then put it down. “I’m exhausted. I don’t know why since I’ve been doing nothing but sitting, but I’m wiped.”
Oliver tapped the side of his head, and Jermon nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m stressed out, and that causes physical tiredness.”
Oliver moved his arms as if rocking a baby. “Yes, of course, the hatchlings take up a lot of energy.”
