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He just sighs.
“You did everything you could,” I tell him. “She had a disease that got the better of her, and it wasn’t your fault.”
He lifts his head and rests his lips on his clasped hands as he looks at me. There are tears on his lashes. His beautiful eyes shine.
“She had depression before she got pregnant,” he says. “She came off the pills because she was worried they might affect the baby.”
“Did you tell the police that?” Henry asks.
James nods and gets to his feet. “What happens now?” he asks as Dr. Hemara comes up to us.
“The coroner will decide whether a post-mortem is necessary. After that, they’ll release her, and you’ll be able to go ahead with the funeral.”
“Any idea how long?”
“Not yet, but of course we’ll let you know as soon as we hear.”
He nods, and we head back down the corridor.
Outside, the sun seems too bright for such a sad day, and it makes my eyes water.
Henry drives us to Maddie’s house in Lyttelton. I have no idea what to expect. Their father is obviously very wealthy, and Gaby told me James’s house is more like a mansion, so I expect Maddie’s to be the same, and I’m not disappointed. Henry parks out the front of a two-story place that’s high on a hill overlooking the harbor with a gorgeous view. We get out, James unlocks the door and turns off the security alarm, and we go inside.
It’s not palatial, exactly, but it is huge. Why did she have such a big place when it was only her? I guess wealth buys you space, even if you don’t want to put anything in it.
James walks in, stands in the middle of the living room, and looks around. “She loved it here,” he says. “She said she felt she could finally breathe.” He sighs and meets my eyes. “Leia’s room is through here.”
Henry and I follow him through the house and up the stairs. It’s clear which room is the nursery. It’s painted light yellow, and it has a brand-new bassinet with pretty lace drapes above it, and everything a mother could ever need for their baby—a change table, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers full of clothes, packs of nappies, boxes of toys…
James’s brows draw together. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Okay,” I say. “Well, we’ve only got the Range Rover, so you’re not going to be able to fit the bassinet or anything big into it. Why don’t we take what we need for tonight, and then maybe you could organize a van tomorrow to pick up the rest of it?”
“Okay,” he says. “I don’t know what her routine is or anything…”
I smile. “She’ll wake when she wakes and feed when she feeds. At least she’s on the bottle already, that’s a good thing. She should have her carry seat—she can always sleep in that, or she can sleep with me tonight, if that’s acceptable to you.”
He gives me a strange look as if wondering why I need his permission. It hasn’t sunk in yet that, at the moment, he needs to make those decisions for Leia until her fate is decided.
“Come on,” I say, realizing that someone has to take charge, and the two men haven’t a clue what’s needed. “Henry, grab a couple of packs of nappies. James, we want the bottle sterilizer and the bottles there, and the tins of formula. I’ll start putting everything else together.”
Relieved to have something practical to do, the guys begin taking things to the car. I open a bag left beneath the table. It has a portable change mat clipped to it, and it contains baby wipes, muslin cloths, nappy rash cream, and several other items like nail scissors and a thermometer. She didn’t take it with her this morning, but maybe she only meant it to be a short trip. I add the bottle teats, rings, and caps, a bottle brush, soft face cloths, baby wash for the bath, and the monitor and receiver.
Beneath the table is a mini fridge. I open it and discover a few baby bottles of water in there. Hopefully Maddie has boiled the water and sterilized the bottles. I add them to the bag.
I find another bag, and next I open the wardrobe and chest of drawers and take out a pile of vests, some onesies, a few outfits, and a couple of cardigans and hats, although it’s warm so she probably won’t need them. Soft baby blankets. Some bibs. What else? I add the toys from her bassinet as they’re probably her favorites, or Maddie’s favorites, anyway.
I’m just putting them in the bag when James comes back in. He picks up the Pooh Bear that was in the bassinet. It’s very soft, with the usual red T-shirt that doesn’t cover his large tummy.
“I bought this,” he says. “Maddie loved it. She said she was going to keep it until Leia was grown up.” He turns it over in his hands.
I slide an arm around his waist. It’s always my first instinct to use touch to comfort. He stiffens at first. I’m just about to move back when he puts his arms around me. I rest my cheek on his shoulder, and we stand there like that for a few minutes.
Henry comes in, picks up the bag, glances at us and smiles, then goes out again. James sighs, then releases me and walks through to what I presume is Maddie’s bedroom. “What do I do with all her stuff?” he asks.
“Don’t worry about it now,” I advise. “Let’s concentrate on Leia.”
He looks around the room, then comes back out, hands in his pockets. “This is so fucking horrible,” he says bitterly. “My father wanted to know when the funeral will be. I think he’s coming over.” He huffs a sigh, looking out of the window.
