AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I was a bit tipsy,” James protests.
“Seems to be a theme,” I comment. He just gives me a wry look.
Tyson changes the subject, asking about the funeral, and the guys chat for a bit, discussing options. I concentrate on Leia, thinking how beautiful she is. I know she’s not James’s child, but I like the fact that she has a blood connection to him. It’s like holding a little piece of him. I guess this is how it feels when you have your own children with a guy, and the baby is part of you and part of him. It’s not in my future, but I can see the attraction.
Leia seems to have had enough milk. I lift her over my shoulder and rub her back. James watches me. His gaze lifts to my hair, and his lips curve up.
“Don’t mock me,” I say. “I didn’t know you lot were going to be out here when I got up.”
Henry chuckles. “We’ll be off soon.”
“Well judging by the whisky bottle, you—” I stop as Leia gives a loud burp. “Ooh! Sweetie, that wasn’t very ladylike.” I look at James. “I can tell she’s related to you.”
The others chuckle. James just meets my eyes, amused.
“Would you mind holding her for a minute?” I ask him. “I want to go to the bathroom, and get myself a drink. Then I’ll take her back to bed.”
He sits up. “Ah… okay.” Clearly, he’d rather not, but he doesn’t want to say no in front of the others.
I rise and pass Leia to him. He takes her awkwardly and sits back, and I get to my feet. “I won’t be long,” I say, and I head off to the bathroom.
Afterward, I return to the kitchen, pour myself a glass of water, and have a long drink. I can see through to the deck. Part of me had wondered whether James might have handed Leia over to one of the others. But he’s still holding her. He’s standing now though, facing the garden, rocking her a little.
I rinse the glass, then cross the living room. As I approach the deck, Alex lifts a finger to his lips. Nodding, I tiptoe out and lower myself quietly onto the sofa.
Henry’s talking, and he sees Alex’s gesture but continues to talk, covering the fact that we’re watching James as he holds his niece.
James is looking at Leia as he moves from side to side, rocking her. I can just see his face in profile, and his expression is tender. My heart gives an unexpected bump. When you hold that tiny, defenseless figure in your arms, it’s impossible not to feel fiercely protective. Is he thinking about Maddie, and how she named him Leia’s guardian? She wanted him to have her daughter if something happened to her. If he gives her away, he’ll be going against her wishes. That must be haunting him.
As he supports her with one arm, he lifts the other hand and strokes a finger across her forehead, feeling her fine, downy hair. Alex stretches out his legs and links his fingers, then winks at me and gives me a subtle thumbs up.
James turns then, looking surprised as he sees I’m back. He walks slowly over to the sofa and bends to put her back in my arms.
“She smells nice,” he murmurs. “I didn’t expect that. And she seems very content. Maddie always seemed so frenetic.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And now I feel mean for saying that.”
“Ah, don’t worry,” I reply. “My body’s not recovering from childbirth. I’m not in pain. And I have no social pressures to contend with—I don’t have to prove anything to well-meaning friends and family. I think many new mums think they should know instinctively what’s wrong with their baby when it cries, and they feel guilty when they can’t figure it out. Add to that raging hormones, pain, and people constantly giving advice, and it can lead to a pretty miserable time.”
“And she didn’t have a partner to help,” Henry adds. “Obviously lots of women cope just fine on their own, but it must be nice to have someone else to share the load.”
James slides down in his seat, rests his head on the back, and gives a big sigh. “I should have done more.”
“You did what you could,” Alex says.
“She called me,” James states. “She asked me to come over. I should have made the effort. I let her down.” He brushes a hand over his face. Dark shadows mar the skin under his eyes.
My heart goes out to him. On the surface, he’s a businessman, successful, capable, who’s learned to deal with things on his own, But inside he’s just like any other young guy. He doesn’t have a wife, a girlfriend, or a mother to comfort him or help him through this, and I do believe that women are, in general, more compassionate in these situations.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I ask.
He lowers his hand and looks at me.
“It’s late, you’ve had an awful day, and you’re exhausted. You totally needed a drink, but any more and you’re going to sink into melancholy and blame yourself for everything, and that’s not what Maddie or Leia need right now. Leia needs her uncle to be clear-headed and strong for her. Like Alex said, you have to make big decisions that will define the rest of her life, and you owe it to her to put aside your guilt and self-criticism, at least until you’ve decided what you’re going to do. So go to bed, get a full night’s sleep, and we’ll start again tomorrow.”
He frowns. Alex looks from him to me, then finishes off his drink. “Time we got going,” he says.
“You don’t have to—” James begins, but Alex waves a hand, already taking out his phone to call for an Uber. The others finish off their drinks too, and they all get to their feet.
I go to rise, but James instructs, “Stay there.”
