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Yunique took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “When I was eight, I was in the house playing with my dolls. Mama, you were in the kitchen cooking, and Daddy was outside talking to Mo. I’m sure you remember him, Karen. He was in Ice’s firing squad with Daddy, Joshua, and a couple of other men. Well, Mo came in to use the bathroom. You spoke to him, and I did too. He came to the house every now and then, and we all trusted him.”
“Oh God,” I said softly. “I’m so sorry, Nique.”
I assumed he’d raped her while Mama was cooking since she was in a different room. “I’m not finished, Keke.”
I frowned slightly, but I remained quiet. “I went to my room to get some accessories for my doll, and I umm… Lord help me.” She paused for a moment and took deep breaths. “I saw him in Keke’s room. She was in her crib sleeping. However, I could hear her whimper. I quietly walked in, thinking Mo was getting her from the crib. When I got around his large frame, I could see that he had a hand over her mouth and another hand in her diaper.”
I stood from the couch, my eyes wide. Me? I’m the victim? “What?” Sasha yelled.
“He was molesting Keke. When he saw me, he pulled his hand from her diaper. As a grown up, I can remember that there was no blood, so he’d done it to her before. He pulled his gun from his waistband and pointed at me. I literally pissed on myself. He told me if I said anything, he would kill all of us in our sleep.”
Mama was crying as I paced back and forth in front of them, not knowing how to process what she’d just told us. I grabbed handfuls of my hair and sat in the chair across from my mama and Sasha. When I could fully grasp what she was saying, I yelled, “Why in the fuck did you think I needed to know that!”
The line was quiet for a moment. “I wanted you to understand why I was the way I was, Keondra. Please don’t hate me.”
“So you transferred your fucking trauma to me? Is that how you wanted me to understand you? You tell me a muthafucka was molesting me, and I’m supposed to handle that with ease, right? This is fucked up, Yunique. How long did it go on?”
“Until you were two or three,” she said softly. “He had his sights set on Sasha. Mama never let Sasha out of her sight, though, because Sasha had asthma as a baby. She checked on her constantly to make sure she was breathing. He never got to her, though, because he and Daddy got into it about something else, and he stopped coming around.”
Was he the reason why I was so sexual? Was it because I’d been introduced to it at a young age? How did my mama not know? She had to change my diapers. My attention went to her, and she was crying uncontrollably. “Mama, did you know?”
“I knew something was wrong, because I noticed a drop of blood in your pamper when you were about six months old. After that, I didn’t see it again. When you went to the doctor, they never said anything about it. Your vaginal entry was a little wider, but there was no tearing.”
I side-eyed her. There was no way she didn’t know what had happened. She had to be a dumb ass bitch if she thought blood in my diaper wasn’t serious. I had a strong feeling that she was lying, and I vocalized that. “You’re lying. You knew, and you didn’t do shit about it. Thanks, Yunique, for fucking up my life. I have to go.”
“Keondra, I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave.”
I stared at the phone like she could see me. “Is Mo still alive?” I asked.
“Yes. Why?”
“Because when I find him, he’s good as dead.”
“Kee!” my mama and Sasha yelled simultaneously as I grabbed my purse and stormed out of the house.
Whenever I found him, he was getting fucked up on sight. It seemed as if Yonkers had embodied me. What kind of sick muthafucka took advantage of a baby? I knew that Jungle knew where the fuck he was and that he would tell me. I was sure Yunique had more to say, but at this moment, I didn’t give a fuck about anything else she would reveal. She’d said more than enough.
I got in my car and found myself speeding through Houston, heading home. Thankfully, there wasn’t as much traffic since it was Sunday. Out of nowhere, a cry escaped my lips. How was I feeling a way about some shit I didn’t even remember? It somehow affected who I’d become. I was more than sure of that.
I carried it in my subconscious. Sometimes, I had nightmares that someone was holding their hand over my mouth, trying to kill me. I didn’t know why, and I had pretty much gotten used to them. They didn’t even scare me awake anymore. Seeing the dream end one time, I didn’t die. After that, I would sleep right through it. They were more frequent when I was younger though.
I had to pull over into a grocery store parking lot because the tears wouldn’t stop. I didn’t understand why Yunique’s therapist allowed her to do this. Doing my best to pull myself together, I wiped my face with a fast-food napkin from my console and got out of my car to walk around the grocery store.
I felt drained just that quickly. When the doors opened, I headed to the freezer section. Clearly, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking, because I bumped right into a man, causing me to fall backward. He slipped his arm around me to keep me from busting my ass, and when I looked up to thank him, I saw Joel. Fuck!
He didn’t live on this end of town, and I wasn’t sure why he was in this store until I noticed the box of condoms in his hand. I pulled away quickly. “I’m sorry, and thank you for catching me.”
I was about to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. “You okay?”
I swallowed hard as he stared at me. “Do you know where I can find Mo?”
His eyebrows lifted like he knew something. “Why you wanna find him?”
“Do you know where he is or not?”
“Yeah. I’ll text you his address.”
I walked away, and the tears fell even more. I was not trying to see Joel anytime soon. The fact that I wanted him so badly told me I needed to stay away from him. I couldn’t fucking function around his ass. I was glad he left when he did last Sunday. I ended up having an okay time, although my mind was on his selfish ass.
