Page 38 of Gangsta


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I wanted to respond to his words, assuring him that nothing would change, but I didn’t want to stop sucking his dick. It felt like the head was pulsing, so I knew he was about to release. His head dropped back, and he brought his other hand to my face as I increased my pace a bit. The minute I teased his balls with my fingertips, he shot off down my throat. I digested every drop with extreme pleasure. I was so turned on, my clit felt like it was rubbing against the bed.

His grunts were sexy as hell. When he withdrew his dick from my mouth, he pulled me up on my knees and kissed me. This was what I’d always wanted. I needed and craved this type of love, and I was surprised that Joel was the man to make me feel it in such a short amount of time. I didn’t doubt that he was the one for me, but I figured the manifestation of that would come a lot later.

When he pulled away from me, he stroked my cheek and gave me a soft smile. “Let’s get cleaned up so we can get some sleep.”

I smiled back and nodded, following him to the bathroom. Once inside, he turned to me and said, “I did exactly what you think I did. It’s a done deal. I told you, whatever you want, you got that shit from me. Unless you do something to change my mind about what you mean to me, I’d go to hell for you to live, baby. Don’t let me down.”

God. “I won’t let you down, Joel. Damn, baby. I got’chu always too.” I sat on the vanity and spread my legs. After licking my lips, I said, “I need to cum once more. I’m so fucking turned on.”

“Mm. Sucking my dick do that to you?” he asked as he slid his fingers inside me.

“Yeah, but fuck those fingers. I need your dick again, baby.”

“Say less.”

“I know losing your father was traumatic for you, but did it affect your behavior or anything like that?”

“Only for like the first year or so. I became more withdrawn, not wanting to share my feelings. Actually, I think that was who I became now that I’m admitting it. My dad was my hero. Someone took my hero from me and got away with it. No one was ever charged with his murder because hood niggas didn’t snitch. Excuse my language. Well, at least as far as we know. Someone could have very well answered for his death.”

I was having a Zoom session with Yunique’s therapist, Solé King. She seemed like a nice woman. She told me she was from Houston and that she was familiar with the streets. That was why she had to leave when she was twenty. It seemed she had a lot in common with Yunique, especially when it came to the hood. However, she didn’t seem to have a genuine hate for it. It was like she just hated what she had to endure, although she didn’t go into detail.

“So Yunique told me what she revealed to you. I’m so sorry. I would have never advised her to do that. Tell me what you felt when she revealed that.”

“Anger. I was angry at her for telling me something I had no recollection of. It was like she was transferring her trauma to me unnecessarily. I was angry at my mama as well. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me how she didn’t notice. I’m still angry at her because I feel like she isn’t telling me the truth. I feel like she knew and didn’t do anything about it. Then I was angry at a man I don’t know.”

“Understandable. How are you feeling now? Other than your anger toward your mother?”

“I’m okay. My boyfriend has helped me through a lot of my feelings. That was surprising, especially since he wasn’t all that expressive. He’s become what I needed. I’m falling so hard for him.”

“That’s great. I’m happy that you have someone that can help you through what you’re feeling. Maybe I can meet him one day.”

“Maybe I’ll ask him to sit in on a session. So far, I feel like I’ll be talking to you again. That says a lot about you, because I don’t open up easily to people I don’t know.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you can feel comfortable with me. So, let’s talk about your mom. Was there ever any animosity between the two of you before now?”

“No. That’s why this is so hard for me. We were always close and still would be had it not been for what Yunique had to tell us. She said she noticed a drop of blood in my diaper and that my entry looked a little wider than she remembered, but when she didn’t see any more blood, she didn’t think anything of it. I feel like that’s a lie.”

“Most likely. She had to have changed your diaper the day it first happened. However, to give her the benefit of the doubt, let’s find out the whole story. I just hope she’s willing to talk. Maybe we can have a session with the three of you.”

“Four.”

“Four?”

“Yes. My baby sister was on the call as well. She checks on me every day too, even if it’s just a text message.”

“Okay. Well, whenever you are ready to do that, we can.”

“Okay.”

“So how are you about expressing your feelings now?”

“I’ve been the most expressive with my boyfriend. He told me he loved me last week. I haven’t said it back yet, but I know it will happen soon. I did tell him how much I cared about him and that I was close to reciprocating. He’s a hood guy, so it messed with him that those words even left his lips.”

“I can imagine,” she said as she looked away.

She tried to make it seem like she was doing something else, but I could clearly see her swallow the lump in her throat. Something was bothering her. Whatever happened in Houston over forty years ago was still fresh in her mind.

“Okay, Ms. Mott, our time is up. I think we should talk again in a week or two. What do you think?”

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